Note: This conversation NEVER HAPPENED. It is completely fabricated by my imagination. Socrates is dead. I have no knowledge of Chris Jones ever speaking to Socrates or any other dead person. Nor do I have knowledge of Socrates speaking to any person alive today, much less any member of the Chiefs’ organization. Furthermore, I have never met Chris Jones or Socrates. Neither do I have any inside information on the Chiefs’ contract extension talks with Chris Jones (or his agent Michael Katz). Lastly, I have no intention of making anyone here the bad guy: not CJ, not Veach, certainly not Socrates. All DT contract data comes from Over The Cap.

- Socrates: Hello, Chris. Do you mind if we have a little chat?

- CJ95: Who are you?

- Socrates: Why I’m Socrates, philosopher of ancient Athens and one of your biggest fans.

- CJ95: What are you doing here?

- Socrates: I’m here to talk to you, of course.

- CJ95: About what?

- Socrates: About what everyone wants to know: Chris, what do you want?

- CJ95: What do you mean?

- Socrates: Well so far this offseason you’ve gone on the record as saying you want at least 3 things:

First, you want to be a lifelong Chief,

Second, you want to be the 2nd highest paid DT,

Third, you want to hold out until Week 8 without a new contract.

Is there anything you’d like to add to that?

- CJ95: Nope.

- Socrates: Is there anything you’d care to explain?

- CJ95: Nope.

- Socrates: Will you let me ask you some questions then?

- CJ95: Sure.

- Socrates: What is it you want most?

- CJ95: Respect.

- Socrates: Respect. Great. Are you saying the Chiefs offers up until now have been disrespectful?

- CJ95: Not at all.

- Socrates: No? Ok, then what else do you want?

- CJ95: Security.

- Socrates: Hmm, security is very important. Do you not have security yet after your $80M contract?

- CJ95: I do.

- Socrates: But not enough?

- CJ95: Oh, it’s enough.

- Socrates: Ok, so you don’t want more security… I’m getting confused.

- CJ95: I want to be acknowledged as one of the best.

- Socrates: "1 of the best…" And the Chiefs haven’t offered to make you one of the highest paid DTs in the game?

- CJ95: Oh they have.

- Socrates: Well then Chris I’m still confused.

- CJ95: It’s not enough

- Socrates: "Not enough." Not enough what?

- CJ95: Not enough money.

- Socrates: Ok, how much is "not enough"?

- CJ95: 3 years, $78M with $50M guaranteed. (As stated in the note above, these are totally made up numbers!)

- Socrates: Wow. That sounds like a lot to me. I was nearly penniless when I died.

- CJ95: That’s what I’m afraid of.

- Socrates: You’re afraid of dying penniless?

- CJ95: Yes.

- Socrates: Well then you must be carefully saving now?

- CJ95: Not really.

- Socrates: Well then how are you to avoid dying penniless?

- CJ95: I just need to make more now.

- Socrates: More now? And how much more do you need to make?

- CJ95: I don’t know. I like living large.

- Socrates: "Living large"? Doesn’t that almost guarantee you’ll die penniless?

- CJ95: I don’t care.

- Socrates: You don’t care.

- CJ95: I live for today.

- Socrates: Chris, I’m confused… What do you want?

- CJ95: 4 years, $128M, $90M guaranteed.

- Socrates: Wow Chris. According to this glowing device in front of me, that’s nearly double the $47.8M guaranteed that Quinnen Williams and Jeffrey Simmons got.

- CJ95: I don’t care. I’m worth it.

- Socrates: "You’re worth it." I’m sorry. How do you know that?

- CJ95: Because I said so.

- Socrates: You said so? Surely that’s not enough to make it true.

- CJ95: Last year, I played better than Aaron Donald, better than any other DT in football.

- Socrates: Well that’s certainly true, 15.5 sacks, 1st team All-Pro, and finalist for the Defensive Player of the Year which I thought you should’ve won by the way.

- CJ95: Thank you. That’s why I deserve $31M/year.

- Socrates: You deserve.

- CJ95: Yeah.

- Socrates: Chris that was 1 year.

- CJ95: So?

- Socrates: So do the Chiefs get money back if you don’t ever repeat arguably your best year ever?

- CJ95: No. Why should they?

- Socrates: Because what if you NEVER have a year like that again?

- CJ95: That was my 2nd season having 15.5 sacks. I’ll do it again.

- Socrates: Well, I know it was your 2nd time. Being dead, I never miss a game. But how can you be so sure you’ll do it again?

- CJ95: Wait. You’re dead?

- Socrates: Yes, I’m dead.

- CJ95: I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I don’t usually talk to dead people.

- Socrates: Come now, Chris, we’re getting off topic.

- CJ95: Yes, of course. What was the topic again?

- Socrates: What do you really want Chris? Huh? What?

- CJ95: I want a record-setting contract that proves I’m the best DT today.

- Socrates: Ok. Now we’re getting somewhere. I just have 1 question. Are you ready?

- CJ95: Bring it on, Socrates.

- Socrates: When I lived, I was the greatest philosopher in Athens. No less than the Oracle of Delphi stated that I was the wisest man alive, but I was never the wealthiest. Many charlatans who called themselves "wise men" (the literal translation of the Greek term "Sophist") made more money than me. So my question is: How does making the most money make you the best player? Doesn’t your playing do that?

- CJ95: Well, of course, Socrates. And it has. So now I should be paid like the best.

- Socrates: Ahh. Now you’ve used a term that’s not clear, and I’m a stickler for clarity. When you say "like the best" you mean…

- CJ95: 4 years, $128M, $90M guaranteed.

- Socrates: I see. And that $128M total and $90M guaranteed would make you by far the best paid DT today.

- CJ95: Yes, it would.

- Socrates: So now I ask you …

- CJ95: Yes.

- Socrates: Are you by far the best DT today?

- CJ95: Well… (squirms uneasily)

- Socrates: "Well"?

- CJ95: Not "by far"?

- Socrates: Not by far?

- CJ95: No.

- Socrates: Hmm…

- CJ95: What "hmm"?

- Socrates: Why should you be paid far more than players you’re not far better than?

- CJ95: I’m doing it for them.

- Socrates: Oh I see. You’re going to give them some of your money.

- CJ95: What? No.

- Socrates: No? Well then I’m afraid you’ve lost me again.

- CJ95: If I get paid a bunch of money, then other players like me can also get paid a bunch of money.

- Socrates: So there are other players like you?

- CJ95: What? No. I’m the best.

- Socrates: So you’re not helping anyone?

- CJ95: What? No. Of course I am.

- Socrates: Who? Who, Chris? Who exactly are you helping?

- CJ95: My family.

- Socrates: Are you saying your family needs $128M?

- CJ95: Look after paying my agent and Uncle Sam, I only get about half.

- Socrates: Ok, are you saying your family needs $64M?

- CJ95: No.

- Socrates: Chris, this is the first time you’ve mentioned your family. And they don’t need the money. Are you just using them as an excuse to be greedy?

- CJ95: I would never do that. I’m a good man, and I love my family.

- Socrates: Of course you love your family and you would never use them for your own greed.

- CJ95: Never.

- Socrates: So they don’t need $64M?

- CJ95: No.

- Socrates: Ok Chris, back to square one: what do you really want?

- CJ95: You know what Socrates, I don’t know.

- Socrates: That’s good!

- CJ95: What?

- Socrates: That’s the first stage of becoming wise: admitting you don’t know something.

- CJ95: Yeah but what am I supposed to do if I don’t know what I want?

- Socrates: Come now, Chris. You already know the answer to that one.

- CJ95: Figure out what I want?

- Socrates: Exactly. See, you have become wiser. And that’s worth more than $64M or even $128M.

- CJ95: Well, I don’t know about that.

- Socrates: Wisdom, even the mere pursuit of wisdom, can make a man happy. All the money in the world can never make a fool happy, at least not really.

- CJ95: Hmm, I’m not sure if I should thank you or kill you my little friend.

- Socrates: Oh I know. That’s how many have felt after talking to me. In fact, it’s why I was sentenced to death, but that’s a story for another time. Until then, I shall ask that wisdom be granted you so that you may choose that which will bring you true happiness. And I do hope to see you in red and gold for many years to come.