11 excuses overheard after the Chiefs’ loss to the Eagles

On Monday evening, the Philadelphia Eagles won their Super Bowl LVII rematch against the Kansas City Chiefs, leaving GEHA Field at Arrowhead Stadium with a 21-17 victory. Here are some of the excuses Tom Ruprecht overheard during Kansas City’s second loss in three games.

1. “After the game in Germany, Travis Kelce told us there was a place in Amsterdam we should check out — and well, the next thing we knew... it was 13 days later.”
2. “How the hell do you expect us to prepare for a football game when Streisand has just published a dishy 1,000-page memoir?”
3. “In the spirit of Thanksgiving, we decided to give up our locker room for the game. That way, the Giants and Commanders could finally get a hot shower.”
4. “When you’re supposed to watch Eagles tape, it’s kinda hard to avoid watching Super Bowl LVII over and over and over again.”
5. “Look, we don’t know how this is even possible — but by the looks of him, Clyde Edwards-Helaire is pregnant.”
6. “Brandon Staley says the receivers are fine, so you don’t have to ask that question anymore. Staley likes the receivers — and no matter how many balls they drop, they’re not changing. So stop asking.”
7. “On the second-down pass to Marquez Valdes-Scantling in the final drive, Mahomes overthrew him by .001 millimeters.”
8. “On the fourth-down pass to Justin Watson in the final drive, Mahomes threw it .003 mph too fast.”
9. “Doesn’t Mahomes realize our Goldilocks receivers need their passes juuust so?!”
10. “Since L’Jarius Sneed knows how to catch the ball — and Valdes-Scantling knows how to knock it to the ground — maybe they should switch positions?”
11. “Donna, it was a pleasure for our families to finally meet! Unfortunately, since our daughter is a global icon, I’m afraid she can’t be seen dating a guy who fumbles in the red zone.”