What a festive treat that was!
I had a great Christmas. Not quite a cheeseburger-delivered-by-a-Hall-of-Fame-tight-end good — but nonetheless, I had a great time.
Father Christmas (Santa Claus there in the States) delivered pretty much everything I wanted. Gifts for the kids? Check. Mince pies in my belly? Check. A full glass of rum at all times? Check.
The only thing that Old Nick didn’t quite deliver was a Buffalo Bills loss. But being the type of guy that I am, I’m more than willing to give the other ‘Big Red’ one more shot and see if he can deliver a belated Christmas hero in the form of Joe Burrow.
How times have changed!
This week’s voters were Ron Kopp Jr., Stephen Serda, Rocky Magaña, Jared Sapp, Maurice Elston, Dakota Watson, Nate Christensen and myself.
1. Buffalo Bills (2nd)
Two wins from locking up the top seed in the AFC.
2. Philadelphia Eagles (1st)
Thank you to Gardner Minshew for confirming to everyone else what most sensible people already knew: Patrick Mahomes is the 2022 MVP.
3. Kansas City Chiefs (4th)
Wasn’t it nice for the Chiefs to play in an uneventful and dull game?
4. Cincinnati Bengals (3rd)
We're all Bengals fans this weekend.
5. San Francisco 49ers (5th)
Dominant once again.
6. Dallas Cowboys (6th)
They’ll be kicking themselves for losing to the Jaguars a couple of weeks back.
7. Minnesota Vikings (8th)
Greg Joseph uses his testicles for space hoppers. They are that big.
8. Los Angeles Chargers (9th)
No one will want to host the Chargers on Wild Card weekend.
9. Baltimore Ravens (10th)
Tyler Huntley is a Pro Bowl alternate. Make of that what you will.
10. Miami Dolphins (7th)
Seriously, Miami? Are we really going through this Tua concussion stuff again? Sort it out.
11. Jacksonville Jaguars (14th)
Trevor Lawrence is playing the quarterback position as well as anyone right now.
12. New York Giants (16th)
They became the latest victim of Greg Joseph’s leg.
13. Detroit Lions (11th)
Oh, come on! Not like this!
14. Washington Commanders (17th)
They’ll want to avoid the 49ers in the playoffs.
15. New York Jets (13th)
Another team hanging on to their season by the scruff of the neck.
16. Green Bay Packers (18th)
From a disaster of a season to a potential playoff berth. Shame it’ll end up with them once again losing in Levis Stadium.
17. Seattle Seahawks (15th)
Imagine walking around shirtless in sub-zero temperatures to prove how ‘tough’ you are — only to go on and put in a performance like that.
18. Tennessee Titans (12th) — This week’s greatest faller
They aren’t going to make the playoffs for what feels like the first time in a million years.
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (21st)
The GOAT doing GOAT things again.
20. Carolina Panthers (24th) — This week’s highest riser
I badmouthed Sam Darnold last week. I won’t be doing the same this week.
21. Pittsburgh Steelers (23rd)
The Steelers must have seen enough from Pickett to be a little bit excited.
22. New England Patriots (20th)
Penny for Bill Belichick’s thoughts?
23. Las Vegas Raiders (19th)
Do it, Josh. Bench Derek. We want to see David Carr’s tears.
24. Cleveland Browns (22nd)
Mortgaging your future (and your soul) for Watson doesn’t look too clever now.
25. New Orleans Saints (26th)
We see you, Dirty Dan.
27. Atlanta Falcons (25th)
Pack it up and try again next year.
28. Los Angeles Rams (32nd)
I faced Cam Akers in my fantasy playoffs this week. I don’t like that guy.
29. Chicago Bears (27th)
I don’t know why we thought for even one second that they could help us out.
28. Arizona Cardinals (28th)
As if J.J. Watt is going to ride off into the sunset having just played for the Texans and the Cardinals — two of the NFL’s sorrier franchises.
30. Indianapolis Colts (30th)
Blow it all up.
31. Houston Texans (31st)
For the second season in a row, the Texans are getting frisky late on. Will it be enough for Lovie Smith to keep his job?
32. Denver Broncos (29th)
Is new manager syndrome (a soccer/football term) a thing in the NFL? I hope not.