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Chiefs training camp: I’m most looking forward to Harrison Butker’s memories of 2018

It’s the year 2075.

NFL: AFC Wild Card-Tennessee Titans at Kansas City Chiefs Denny Medley-USA TODAY Sports

Author’s note: Pete suggested we all write something leading up to training camp — it was also suggested we focus on letting the reader get to know us a little better. Well, I’m really weird, so I figured I’ll let you into my bizarre imagination with a little fan fiction.

The scene: It’s the year 2075, and Harrison Butker is sitting by a fire and explaining the Chiefs’ 2018 training camp to his grandchildren.

“I remember 2018 very well, how could I not? That’s the year Patrick Mahomes took us to the Super Bowl for the first time. It all started in training camp, though, and there’s no doubt in my mind had I not had such a great training camp I wouldn’t have kicked the game-winning field goal in the 2018 AFC Championship game.

It was so hot in 2018, and I vividly remember Dustin Colquitt’s legs glistening with sweat in the summer heat. We used to play this game called “kick splash” — basically, the goal was to splash everyone within 15 yards with our sweat when we kicked the ball. I still remember some of the equipment guys asking, ‘Is it raining, where the hell is this moisture coming from?’

All Dustin and I could do was laugh and keep it up. Eventually, I think coach Reid found out about it though, and made us run some laps until he told us to stop. At the same time, Mahomes was doing his usual ‘Look at me, I’m so awesome’ routine, and coach Reid forgot we were running.

Colquitt was smart, he stopped running after a few laps. I wasn’t as smart. It was my second year, and I was looking to be a good team player. It wasn’t until practice was over that I was told to stop running. I was pissed.

But anyway, during this whole escapade, I was wondering why Dustin and I didn’t have a real coach. I mean, Dave Toub was doing a great job as special teams coach, but honestly, he had to spend too much time with the rest of the special teams unit to give us much attention.

So we approached the coaching staff and asked if we could have our own kicking coach. To our surprise, they obliged, and they gave us permission to find one of our own choosing.

Dustin had been around a long time, and many people rightfully viewed his left leg as a dangerous weapon. I mean, the guy was a legend. I was coming off a great season where I broke a bunch of the Chiefs kicking records. Needless to say, we were having a hard time thinking of a coach who could legitimately help us get better at kicking.

We thought long and hard, and came to one conclusion. There was only one person who was better at kicking than we were: Chuck Norris. So we gave him a call, and amazingly, he agreed to be our coach. We were excited to learn everything we could from a true master.

Both Colquitt and I were really impressed with Chuck’s ability to kick a football. We asked him why he never considered a career in football. He told us he didn’t play football because windmill kicking the opposing team resulted in a personal foul, and he never takes the blame — for anything.

Mr. Norris had unorthodox ways. I still remember the chafing on my inner thighs from Chuck’s insistence we practice in Wranglers and cowboy boots. Chuck would tell us, ‘If you can kick in Wranglers, you can kick in anything — snow, rain, hail storms... doesn’t matter.’

Colquitt was particularly upset about kicking in Wranglers. Dustin didn’t have an issue with the style, he was just upset the hair on his left leg was returning. I pressed him on what he meant exactly and he told me after years of punting, the hair on his legs had been sheered off by the wind generated from his kicking motion.

I looked at my own right leg and was immediately embarrassed by the forest of hair.

Things were going great with Chuck. Colquitt and I felt like we were getting better under his tutelage. It wasn’t until Mr. Norris started getting into it with Mahomes that the trouble started.

You see, Mahomes didn’t take too kindly to Norris implying his arm was weak. Eventually, Mahomes told Chuck that if he didn’t stop he would show him exactly how weak his arm was.

Things finally escalated and the event I’m about to describe is still heavily debated among the Chiefs players who were there to witness it. Personally, I think Mahomes got the better of Chuck, but there are others who disagree.

It was in the middle of seven-on-seven drills and Mahomes threw a beautiful touch pass to Chris Conley down the sideline. Norris was watching and said something about Mahomes’ arm being soft and he was too afraid to fire the deep ball.

The next snap Mahomes turned to the sideline and fired a pass as hard as he could directly at Chuck’s face. Chuck Norris quickly did a 360 spin kick and the ball exploded with the force of a Sonic Boom. The entire team was knocked onto their backs and only Mahomes and Norris were left standing.

Some of the Chiefs players present believe Norris won the duel because the ball exploded, while others believe Mahomes won because Norris’ boot was torn.

Either way, the next day I showed up to practice and Norris was gone. He left us a note telling us we were ready. Apparently, he was right, because Colquitt and I went on to have the best years of our careers.

And that’s why I’ll never forget Chiefs training camp 2018.”

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