The Flea-Flicker: ChiefsEnthusiast's Weekly Column of Hot Takes
Alright men, the Super Bowl is now in the books (fuck the Patriots and Tom Brady now and forever) which means the offseason is now fully underway. With the draft's order set, I'm going to be publishing a weekly article every Monday from now until opening day, to share with you my hot takes, ideas about the future, and just my musings in general, with a touch of mirth along the way. Without much ado, let's hop right in.
The Chiefs are slated to draft at 27 overall this year, and this class in the draft looks absolutely loaded with talent. As the first round is something that everyone loves to talk about, this week I'm going to do a full Round 1 Mock, which includes, of course, where I think the top 4 QBs (Trubisky, Watson, Kizer, and Mahomes) will go.
- Browns - Myles Garrett, EDGE, Texas A&M
- 49ers - Jonathon Allen, DE, Alabama
- Bears - Mitch Trubisky, QB, North Carolina
- Jaguars - Solomon Thomas, DE, Stanford
- Titans (from Rams) - Mike Williams, WR, Clemson
- Jets - DeShone Kizer, QB, Notre Dame
- Chargers - Malik Hooker, FS, Ohio State
- Panthers - Dalvin Cook, RB, Florida State
- Bengals - Reuben Foster, ILB, Alabama
- Bills - Jamal Adams, SS, LSU
- Saints - Marshon Lattimore, CB, Ohio State
- Browns (from Eagles) - Deshaun Watson, QB, Clemson
- Cardinals - Patrick Mahomes, QB, Texas Tech
- Colts - Leonard Fournette, RB, LSU
- Eagles - Corey Davis, WR, Western Michigan
- Ravens - Derek Barnett, DE, Tennessee
- Redskins - Jabrill Peppers, S, Michigan
- Titans - Teez Tabor, CB, Florida
- Buccaneers - John Ross, WR, Washington
- Broncos - Ryan Ramczyk, OT, Wisconsin
- Lions - Zach Cunningham, OLB, Vanderbilt
- Dolphins - Malik McDowell, DT, Michigan State
- Giants - Takkarist McKinley, LB, UCLA
- Raiders - Sidney Jones, CB, Washington
- Texans - OJ Howard, TE, Alabama
- Seahawks - Cam Robinson, OT, Alabama
- Chiefs - Christian McCaffrey, RB, Stanford
- Cowboys - David Njoku, TE, Miami
- Packers - Tim Williams, OLB, Alabama
- Steelers - Haason Reddick, LB, Temple
- Falcons - Taco Charlton, DE, Michigan
- Patriots - Charles Harris, DE, Missouri
The reason I have the Chiefs going McCaffrey is, as you can tell, all 4 QBs were gone before the 15th pick, which I think is a very real possibility. The Browns, 49ers, Bears, Jets, Chargers, Bills, Saints and Cardinals are all in play for a QB in the first right now, and that's saying that the Jags are comfortable with their QB situation (which they shouldn't be).
I chose McCaffrey over a defensive player because McCaffrey can do it all under a heavy workload, while I'm not sure Spencer Ware has the juice to be a full-time lead back. Using Ware to rest McCaffrey will allow for Ware to absolutely hammer through guys, his biggest strength, while keeping the home run ability of McCaffrey in play. Some other thoughts on this mock:
- The 49ers could have a very scary D-line with Allen sliding in at DE. While they still suck and need a QB, having a strong D-line will help mask other inefficiencies in their defense under Kyle Shanahan.
- The Browns, if they pass on Myles Garrett at 1, should take Trubisky at QB. He's the type to be able to survive under a weak OL, while Watson is more slender. However, with two dynamic pass-rushers in Garrett and Jamie Collins, the Browns could surprise people and win 5 games. Plus, their offense, with Watson, Crowell, Duke Johnson, Terrelle Pryor and Corey Coleman, could be sneaky-dynamic.
- The Titans are poised to break out this year, and I'm very excited. Give Mariota a true #1 in Mike Williams, and forget about the Colts.
- Speaking of the Colts, while they should spend their pick on defense IMO, Chris Ballard should know what a powerful running game does for an offense, and taking the human wrecking ball Leonard Fournette should take a ton of pressure off of Andrew Luck's very expensive shoulders.
- If the Bills let Tyrod Taylor go, they deserve to go 0-16. He's a good QB!
- I really struggled to find a place where it made sense for Peppers to go. He's athletic and a playmaker, but I don't know what position he'll play. I think he could succeed as a safety in the Redskins D.
- The Raiders decide to get some insurance for Sean Smith, which is a very smart idea.
- Cowboys going Njoku might surprise people, but hear me out. Dak Prescott gets a young TE to grow with as the man, myth, legend, and slowest man alive Jason Witten grows older, leading to a Antonio Gates-Hunter Henry style setup in Big D. Njoku can learn from a HOFer and Prescott gets another big target in the middle of the field.
- Again, fuck the Patriots.
Hot Take of the Week
Goldfish crackers are the best snack cracker by far, and there's really no competition. Triscuits are bull, and taste like you're eating a wicker basket. Ritz are okay, as are Cheez-Its and Saltines, but Goldfish stand high above the rest on Cracker Mountain. I maintain that almost nothing tastes better/more satisfying than the first goldfish cracker out of the bag.
Song of the Week
Biloxi Parish by The Gaslight Anthem:
Nothing like some New Jersey rock and roll to get your morning going. Sadly, the band is on hiatus right now, but if you're like me and enjoy some grumbly guitar music, I'd recommend checking them out. Pretty good driving music.
Super Bowl Talk
Well, I had to talk about it, even though I really don't want to remember it. That wasn't actually that great of a game, despite it having some truly historic moments: the Julio catch and Edelman catch were both money, and some of the best feats of athleticism I'd seen all postseason.
Personally, I blame Kyle Shanahan for the loss entirely. How the Falcons could get to the Patriot 22 with 4 minutes left, up 8 points, and still lose is mind-boggling. If they had ran the ball three times, the Patriots would have used at least a few of their time outs, the Falcons could have kicked a field goal, and won the damn game. Instead, they got fancy with the pass plays, took two killer sacks and a stupid holding penalty, and got to 4th and LOL territory. Congratulations, 49er fans, you got that guy as your Head Coach.
Other than that, the big problem was that Julio Jones only got 4 targets all game (he caught all of them for 87 yards, by the way.) When you have the best WR in the league on your team, he should get more than 4 targets a game, I don't care who's covering him. Mohammad Sanu is pretty good, but don't let guys like Austin Hooper and Taylor Gabriel distract you from the Human Cheat Code.
Thanks for reading guys, make sure to tune in next week.