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Chiefs mailbag: Who goes from worst to first?

Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

It seems like it's been forever since we've mailbagged. In reality, it's only been a couple of weeks. But after a never-ending offseason (I mean, not literally. It ended, so... you know, figuratively) in which we survived together by clinging to one another tightly in daily(ish) mailbags, a couple of weeks seems like an eternity (again, not literally an eternity. My wording is not strong so far today)

With new game film to watch and actual football to talk about, the need (and time) for a mailbag has diminished greatly. And so, I'll be doing either once a week or every other week, usually on a Saturday once we've beaten every other topic to death a few times over. And so Saturdays will be the new offseason, in which we survive together in mailbags. Viva la mailbag!

As always, send questions to @RealMNchiefsfan, and feel free to give me a follow if you like copious amounts of Chiefs tweets and Chiefs gifs and occasional strong takes on food (generally they're related to ketchup to troll the more food-snobbish among us. I'm a bad person). Let's mailbag.

Well, let's look at a list of the worst teams in each division last season: Jets, Browns, Titans, Raiders, Redskins, Bears, Buccaneers, Rams.

Uh ... I'll take none for a thousand, Alex.

(Side note ... it just occurred to me that there's a legitimate chance that some readers did not get that reference. I'm getting old. This is not cool)

I mean, LOOK at that list. There's no possible way the Jets, Browns, Raiders, Redskins, or Bears go to first. No way. I mean, sure, "any given Sunday" and blah, blah, blah. But those teams are just flat-out bad, and are all in divisions with teams that are good. Barring a complete, total, and utter MIRACLE, those teams are aiming for "not suck" this season.

Frankly, the Titans, Bucs, and Rams are all in the same boat for the most part. But at least it wouldn't totally FLOOR me if one of them pulled it off. Marcus Mariota looks like he can play, and you never know what that'll do for a team (getting a QB). Of course, the Titans share a division with the Colts and have a defense that resembled a light breeze when the Chiefs faced them this preseason. Nah.

The Rams are the best team on this list, and have a SCARY defensive line. Unfortunately for them, they also have Nick Foles at quarterback and a secondary that's, um, iffy. I won't rule out Todd Gurley being an absolute monster and teaming up with the defense to drag them to 10-6, but 10-6 is highly unlikely to cut it in a division with the Seahawks and Cardinals.

So really, the best shot is the Bucs. Which is funny, because the Bucs are one of the worst teams on there in my opinion. The thing is, they're in the NFC South, which is basically a Julio Jones injury away from being anyone's game. Sometimes being in a bad division has its benefits. I think Winston MIGHT be decent, and they've got a couple pieces that could do something if they pull it together.

So ... likely no one. But if someone, then Bucs.

The only scenario in which I'd even consider moving Smith would be if ALL of those young corners played absolutely lights out football the first three weeks. I mean, every one of them played really, really, really well consistently. Like, shut down the Broncos and made Rodgers look human level of play.

Beyond that, it's just too big a risk to take. Smith is, until proven otherwise, the best and most consistent corner on the team. And that word... CONSISTENT. That's a big deal. I think Marcus Peters is going to be a stud, and it might happen sooner rather than later. But no position is more vulnerable to killing you due to a few bad plays than corner, and young players are almost always susceptible issues with consistency.

I'm on record as loving Phillip Gaines. Fleming is really, really physical, as is Steven Nelson. But it's way too young a group to risk parting ways with the only genuinely proven commodity.

And even if it's going well ... why not make a good secondary GREAT by throwing Smith in the mix? The Chiefs have serious potential on the defensive side of the ball. Go for broke and try to be the best defense in the league. I get that next year is something that needs to be thought of, but if the defense looks like it could be fantastic don't you go all in THIS year and see what happens? I do.

Now, in that scenario (all young guys are playing so legitimately well you don't want to move anyone), I think you try and get a second or third rounder for Smith. I doubt you get the second considering he's in the last year of his deal. Essentially the only team I see doing something like that is a contender in need of help at CB.

Man, so many great choices. So, so, so, so many. I'm the type of guy that loves a gangster movies even when they aren't that great. For example, I didn't hate Godfather, Part 3. Was it utterly inferior to the first two? YES. Did I still mostly enjoy it? Sure! I love 'em all!

Seriously, the list is too long to really go through, and I'm not sure I can REALLY pick a favorite. How about a list of 5 presented in no particular order?

Godfather (duh)

Godfather Part 2 (even more duh)

Goodfellas (seriously, these first three are the most obvious picks for anything in the history of ever)

Casino (some people hate this movie. I don't understand why. It's long, but fantastic)


I know! I know! Scarface is not a mafia movie. But hear me out... I HAD to pick it. Because I couldn't choose between about a half dozen options of more traditional mafia movies. I really liked The Departed, American Gangster, The Untouchables, Pulp Fiction, Donnie Brasco, The Family (newer one with De Niro, half humor, highly underrated)... heck, even Analyze This was fun.

There was no way I could choose among those movies. So I cheated. I went with a movie I love and stands apart from those movies... but isn't really a mafia movie. But I did it anyway. You don't like it? So make a move, man. I got two things in my life...

The headline will read something like "Zero no more; Smith throws 2 touchdowns to wide receivers as the Chiefs roll over the Texans." Titles could also be something like...

"Zero to Hero"

"Charles in Charge" (every year, man. Every year they do this)

"Dancing Fool; Travis Kelce Shows His Moves vs. Texans"

"He's Baaaaaack! DJ Leads Stifling Chiefs Defense"

"Fo-Sho Poe; Dontari Poe Returns to Stuff Texans"

OR, if we're going to go the other direction, the most likely negative headlines I can foresee are...

"Foiled Again; Chiefs Sputter Week 1 for Second Year in a Row"

"Texans For-Never; Chiefs Unable to Overcome Texans Front Seven"

"High Wattage; J.J. Watt Something Something Electricity" (again, every year with this)

"Can You Take Me Hoyer? Brian Hoyer Leads Texans Past Chiefs (I admit, this one is unlikely)

What was the question again? Oh, right, the headline. I honestly believe (OK, "hope" is probably the more accurate word here) the Chiefs offense will show enough signs of life to have fans buzzing after the game, and that (along with Maclin and Kelce as the main guys) will be the biggest story Sunday evening.

As some of you know, I don't watch Chiefs games live (that's why I'm absent from Twitter on Sundays. Spoilers and such). I don't have Direct TV and live in Minnesota, where Chiefs games are virtually never broadcast. So what I do is wait until the game is over and watch it on NFL Gamepass (formerly NFL Rewind). It used to be that I had to wait until 11 p.m. to watch the games. This year, thanks to the NFL mercifully changing its policy, I'll be able to watch afternoon games as soon as they're over.

I love having Gamepass. I love having all-22 film to review. The DVR-style controls are fairly easy to use, there's a feature in which you can pick out an individual play and go straight to it (which is handy), and the quality is generally good. Additionally, there's a fantastic "condensed game" feature in which you can watch the gameplay.... and nothing else. as in, all you're watching is the beginning of the snap to the end of each play. It takes, like, 20-25 minutes to watch a game like this. I love it.

That said, if you're a KC native who isn't obsessed with reviewing all-22 film, I'm not sure the price is worth it. At this point it's something like a hundred bucks for the whole shebang. That's a lot of money for people who don't get to use it as a tax write off, you know?

So I'll say this; if you like to review film and are a bit of a football nerd, then it's ABSOLUTELY a great buy. If not? eh... you can get by with the game DVR'd and reading my ramblings.

Can't wait for Sunday, guys.

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