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Chiefs vs. Dolphins: The best and the worst

His Dirkness of recaps the Chiefs first win of the season, a 34-15 pasting of the Miami Dolphins with the best and worst moments of the week

Ronald Martinez

We've got ourselves a football season!

Yesterday was most definitely skate or die for the Kansas City Chiefs, and they put forth a rousing performance in a rather hostile docile environment for the upset. If it feels like it's been a while since you last saw a win, well, that's because it has been...

The last Chiefs victory came 280 calendar days ago.

There's nothing worse than an NFL season ending prematurely, because lets face it, the NFL supersedes life itself. And with a loss yesterday, the Chiefs' season was toast. What? Yes Andy, warm buttery toast.

Now the Chiefs sit a game behind two (really good) teams in the division, with an upcoming schedule that is looking less and less brutal by the week. And with the expected regression heading into this season, the injuries to 2011 starters on the team, and the opening week disappointment, I don't really care what my date looks like, I'm just happy for the chance to do my Shmoney dance.

Lets boogie...

The Best & Worst w/ His Dirkness:

Best question I've heard all day - How the hell did this team lose to Tennessee at home? The Titans have been outscored 59-17, while the Red Team has put together two playoff-caliber performances, since the season opening Red Wedding.

Best answer to that question - Third down efficiency. The Shmoney down, as they call it, which Alex and the Chiefs have been cashing in on the past two weeks, combining to go 20-32, a remarkable 62.5 percent. To give you an idea of how good that is: San Diego led the league last season at 49 percent. Denver second at 46 percent. KC converted on only 1-of-12 in the Red Wedding. There's your difference.

Best time to make halftime adjustments - BEFORE halftime! Through the first three drives, KC had 33 total yards and been sacked three times. That's when Andy went to more of a quick passing game, to negate all of the offensive line's ole's. A few quick stop routes to Dwayne Bowe and Donnie Avery. A screen pass to Joe Your New Worst McKnightmare. And a beautifully crafted inside trap to Fury of the Knile, who was lined up at fullback on the play. It had all the makings of a halftime adjustment, only executed 10 game minutes earlier, leading to the crucial 14-3 halftime lead. Your MVP yesterday? Andy F. Reid.

Best lesson learned - When your hovering around midfield, and a 4th-and-1 presents itself, you ALWAYS go for it. It should be automatic, in my opinion. Now, has Andy actually gone that far in his philosophy? I doubt it. But he seems to have at least changed his stance since last week, when it would've made more sense to go for it (better opponent, losing the game). Also of note, they converted the 4th-and-1 rather easily.

Best way to get Andy Reid to run the ball - Start Knile Davis, apparently. Here's your stat of the day: Jamaal's highest carry total under Andy Reid is 22. Meanwhile, Knile has logged that many carries three times (22, 27, and 32 yesterday) over that same stretch! I suppose I understand the craving to protect Jamaal, but the training wheels have to come off at some point right? This team's best chance to win games is to run the damn ball. Hopefully, Andy figured that out yesterday.

Best fifth RB in the NFL - Joe McKnight. Seriously, fifth on the depth chart! How are you supposed to find snaps for all these guys once Jamaarles and Lil' DATty return from their injuries? Lets hope Andy is studying up on those Wishbone and Maryland I Formations.

Luckily, Dustin Colquitt is still as good at punting as Goodell thinks he is at Commissioning.

Best preparation for playing in Miami - Training camp in Kansas City. The Patriots wilted in the heat while in Miami for Week 1, while the Chiefs seemed totally unaffected by it.

Best play - The biggest play of the game occurred early in the fourth quarter, with the score 21-15. Miami faced 3rd-and-1 on the Chiefs 47-yard line with all of the momentum. The Dolphins went hard playaction, but Ryan Tannehill couldn't find anybody open and eventually gets sacked by Christari Poewens. The Dolphins only sent two receivers out on routes, both deep crossing drags. Marcus Cooper and the Ron Parker bracketed Mike Wallace on one side, while Sean Smith chased Rishard Matthews all the way across the field, with no help, giving Tannehill no room to even attempt the pass. The Dolphins punted (should've gone for it), Frankie Hammond breaks a big return, KC scores and never looks back. This ultimately decided the game. Miami got greedy, while Sean Smith came up huge against his former team.

Worst unit - The Special Toubs, which had more errors than a Roger Goodell investigation on the day. The Chiefs started consecutive drives on the 7, 1, and 3-yard lines because of two block in the back calls on returns and Hammond fielding a punt incorrectly (25 total yards and a Safety Dance on those possessions). Also, gave up a 75-yard kick return and fielded two punts inside the 5-yard line. Luckily, Dustin Colquitt is still as good at punting as Goodell thinks he is at Commissioning.

Best diving breakup on a crucial 3rd-and-4 pass, where I was afraid they might throw a flag, even though I would've gone bonkers if they had - Well, when you put it that way, I guess I'd have to say Chris Owens, who had himself a nice game.

Best Dolphins play - Ryan Tannehill somehow completing a pass while being manhandled to the ground by Justin Houston. Tip o' the cap.

Worst Dolphins play - A strange playcall on their first drive, running a draw on 3rd-and-10 from the Chiefs 45-yard line. It was a bizarre time for a give up play.

Best play you'd never see in a box score - Do-Re-Mi-Fa-Sa-No's shield block to spring Alex's first down scramble on 3rd-and-8.

Worst plays of an otherwise solid game - Alex Smith not getting rid of the ball on his two mistakes of the day. Had receivers wide open on both the fumble and the safety. These are plays he can make by taking what's given to him, which is usually one of his strengths.

Best hops KC has seen since ... Joey Gathright? - Travis Kelce. I think that hurdle works against any cornerback in the league other than Cortland Finnegan, who likes to get high and tackle people by their face. Bath salts are crazy, man.

Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

Best offensive tackle in the NFL - Former Chief, Branden Albert. Or, at least, he was (according to Pro Football Focus), until getting Tamba-nated this week. Hali blew through Albert (especially in the first half) like a PUFF of white smoke (nay, a PUFF of black smoke!) making any PASS difficult for Tannehill, or at least, the ones he didn't RUSH. Tamba The Smoke Monster.

Best addition to Puff Puff Pass Rush - Dee Ford, who registered the first two good plays of his career on Sunday. Expand the circle, gentlemen.

Best TD celebration - Has to be Cyrus Gray's Slanging Thangs. Especially went put to this jam. Kelce's Shmoney settles for second. And coming in at 845th was Brian Hartline's dorky rich white guy dance.

Already tailgating for next week's game,

His Dirkness

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