Andy Reid giveth, and Andy Reid shall taketh away.
That was two hours and 55 minutes of downright incompetence from the Chiefs head coach on Sunday, a feeling Philadelphia fans know all too well, and one Kansas City fans are slowly becoming all too cognizant of.
In a Shyamalan worthy plot twist, this season's opening stanza has been all about Kansas City's Large Sarge, rather than everybody's favorite game manager, who's performed at a steady-as-she-goes-most-average-QB-in-the-NFL level. He is who we thought he was.
Andy Reid, meanwhile, might just be who Philadelphia thinks he is: He won't run the ball. He can't manage the game.
"(The Titans) took away a lot of what we had designed for (Jamaal)."
"(The 49ers) are normally a big man team in short yardage so we thought we had some decent things set up for that."
Andy, you're over-thinking this, my dude. Your team can run the ball. Don't try and outsmart the other team. Just line up and hit them in the (censored by Joel) mouth. Especially on 3rd and 1. And if they stop that, do it again on 4th and 1. Because that's what this team is built to do. That's who they are.
It shouldn't take Chip Kelly, let alone Jim Schwartz, to pick up on this simple pattern...
2014 Chiefs: Rush attempts - Points scored:
Jim Harbaugh outcoached Andy Reid on Sunday. Plain and simple. It was the difference in the game. I'd love to write it off as a bad week for him, because everybody is entitled to that, but 15 years of evidence suggests otherwise.
Conversely, Andy Reid is both the rhyme and reason for the Chiefs' impressive showings of this season. He's the ultimate overseer of this beaten down, left for dead after Week 1 team, who has now either throttled or gone toe-to-toe with three of the four Conference Championship teams from last season, twice on the road. This cannot be overstated. He's building a good football team. But can they ever be great under his tutelage?
Imagine Andy as a gourmet chef (The Gourmet Chief, if you will). So he's preparing this fantastic meal for you. He's got the freshest ingredients. He's got the Grade A Top Choice meats. His recipe is on point. He slices. He dices. He produces a downright amazing plate of food. But then he serves you the meal with no silverware. And you're eating it on an old rusty park bench. And the food tastes incredible, but the whole time you're thinking to yourself, "WHY IN GOD'S NAME WON'T ANDY RUN THE EFFING BALL?!?"
...Welp, I kept it together for most of that analogy. You get the point. Or maybe I'm just hungry.
As far as I'm concerned, neither side is wrong: Andy Reid is a genius, and Andy Reid is a dummy.
But enough of this prose buffet, lets get to His Chiefness' big dessert: Homemade ice cream served at room temperature...
The Best & Worst w/ His Dirkness
Worst of Andy's crimes - Frankly, his game management bothered me more than his overall gameplan on Sunday. The punt on 4th and 4. The series of passes on 2nd, 3rd and 4th and inches (Ryan Harris false started on 4th down, but they had a passing play dialed up). Running Jamaal the play after he fumbled on a meaningless carry while simply trying to run out the first half clock. Ugh Boots, Andy.
Worst accomplice - Dave Toub. This is new grounds. Andy has his checkered past, but Toub has a spotless criminal record. He just got mixed up with the wrong crowd on Sunday. Three major blunders from his units: 1.) 12 men on the field. Didn't cost KC any points, just a lot of crucial time. 2.) Too many men rushing from one side of a field goal attempt. Fortunately, it played no factor, but ... 3.) The formation on SF's fake punt.
Chiefs lined up like this when SF faked that punt. Easy to decision to fake when they needed a foot. Cmon Toub pic.twitter.com/dMZgajzZkM— Manuél Retweet (@RyFo18) October 5, 2014
Doubled up each of the gunners on 4th and 1, leaving the middle more exposed than a celebrity's iCloud account. It wouldn't surprise me if that was an audible made at the line. This lapse cost the Chiefs dearly, the second biggest play of the game according to win probability charts.
OK, we've reached the halfway point of this article, which means all the 49ers fans should be gone now. Lets talk about the other crucial aspect to this game...
Worst calls of the game, ranked in descending order:
- Personal foul on Jamaal Charles - Apparently getting sat on and abused by Justin Smith is a 15 yard penalty on the opposing player now.
- Spot on Kaepernick's run - Didn't think it was overly egregious, because no camera angle showed indisputable evidence of when the ball crosses out of bounds, but there's no way he reached the 18 yard line. No. Way. Should've at least moved it back and measured it.
- No Intentional Grounding on Kaepernick - The play before Frisky's second FG. The argument is that he broke the pocket, but I don't think he did. Should've been a 15-plus yard punt-inducing penalty.
- Roughing the Passer call - Look NFL, I get it. It's these harmless slaps to quarterbacks' helmets that are leading to all these concussions, not the 300 pound linemen plowing into each other over and over.
- Offensive PI - Just listen to Mike Pereira on this one.
Best sign moving forward - The Chiefs were able to run the ball on the 3rd best run defense in the NFL. Which means they're capable of running on just about anybody. You know, if they want to.
Best player to get more involved yesterday - Knile Davis. 7 snaps. 2 carries. Knot enough.
Best player to get more involved tomorrow - DeAnthony Thomas. DAT stiff arm though!
Best player to get more involved forever - The Naitcha' Boy, WOO!, Travis Kelce. 58 percent of snaps woo! Three targets woo! Not enough, WOO!, for the Limousine Ridin', Jet Flyin', woo, Kiss Stealin', Wheelin' Dealin', baddest Son of a Gun WOOOO! in the National Football League. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Best quote - "It's like going up against a monster. He's a beast. He hit me with a fake inside-outside club, never seen anything like it." - 49ers guard Alex Boone on The Monster Beast, Hungry HipPoe.
Best hit of the season - There was a 3rd and 1 in there, when Franny gave the ball to Gore right up the gut. Now, Frank Gore is one big dude. He doesn't look fun to tackle for 60 minutes. He almost always falls forward. But on this particular carry, he got BLAP'd so hard by Tamba and Poe that Batman sound effects flew into the air. ZLONK! It was so monstrous, it frenzied Tamba into a spastic fit of celebration, which I think he got from watching this guy.
Best catches made easy - Brandon Lloyd. The KC native has made a career out of his flair for the spectacular. His 29 yard acrobatic catch on 3rd and 10 was the biggest play of the game, according to the win probability chart. It seriously looks like he leaps off a springboard or something. It doesn't even look real in slow motion. (Sidenote: If you blame Sean Smith for this, we can't be friends.) Not his first time though: Watch this one, this one, this one, and especially this one. I'm actually kind of unimpressed with yesterday's now. I mean, two hands?
Worst play in the history of football? - Dee Ford, ladies and gentlemen. Run away from me, baby. (look at you, look at you, look at you). Run away. Run away as fast as you can. Lets have a toast for the first round-er, Who should only play on third down-ers.
Worst storybook ending - Down 5 points. 2:12 on the clock. The perfect chance to get revenge on the team who gave up on you. The script was solid. I bought all the acting. The directing was .... well, not very good. But still, an enjoyable movie experience until that final scene. Talk about anti-climactic.
Moderately excited for the 2019 Kaepernick-led Chiefs,