Kansas City Chiefs' 2013 Offseason: The Best And The Worst

Guess who's back, back again. Dirkness' back, tell a friend.

Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back? Nanh-ehhh, neh, neh, neh, neh...

I've created a monster, because nobody wants to see Nic no more. They want Dirkness, I'm chopped liver.

Yes, the whole world* has been clamoring for a brand spanking new Best & Worst.

(*couple of dudes on Twitter, some close friends, and my dog, who gives me a weird look sometimes)

The Dirk abides.

The Best & Worst with: His Dirkness

Best way to conclude this catastrophic 2012 NFL season - Peyton Manning gagging harder than Marsellus Wallace (once again!), the Broncos faltering at home in the playoffs, and personally watching it unfold IN Denver, surrounded by Broncos fans. It doesn't erase the memories of the Chiefs "season," but it does ease the pain a bit. Oh, and consider me firmly on the bad-karma-for-tossing-Tim-Tebow-to-the-curb side.

Best Andy Reid comparison - Gary Pinkel < ducks >. Calm down.....now breathe.... Both coaches can be mind-numbingly frustrating to watch given a short term viewing window. They'll call more passing plays than a service academy calls running plays. They'll throw timeouts away like a Bo Pelini coached defense. They'll routinely confuse a conventional 2-point chart with Romeo's old Denny's menu play sheet. And they'll bungle late game situations worse than Brian Billick did this past weekend. And yet, both are undeniably successful at their profession (Pinkel is 90-61 in his 12 years at Mizzou, who went a paltry 48-84-3 in the 12 seasons prior to Pinkelnuts. Meanwhile, Andy Reid goes 140-102-1 with the Philadelphia Eagles, who won nine games combined the two seasons prior).

So what does this mean? Well, lets just say I'm already preparing my "Worst coaching decision part (1-3)" for next season's Week 4 loss to the Philadelphia Eagles that never should've happened (yes, we play the Eagles next season). But what else does this mean? Well, it wouldn't surprise me if the Chiefs managed to win their following three games in impressive fashion. I suspect "taking the good with the bad" will become a popular phrase in Kansas City starting in 2013.

Best reason Kansas City should feel alright about Andy Reid's final two seasons in Philadelphia - There's a historical comparison that we've all had a first hand experience with. Can you guess it? What if I told you it rhymed with Farty Cotton-timer? Remember his last season with the Chiefs? Hello? Is this thing on? Anyways, I suspect the pressure to win became so great that Reid went outside and far beyond his principals in pursuit of that elusive Super Bowl title. He signed too many prima donna stars, who didn't buy into his system, ultimately leading to a spectacular failure. This is EXACTLY what happened with Marty, looking back at his infamous 1998 season (only Reid stayed an extra season, thus perpetuating his crime scene). The good news is that Schottenheimer went on to build an unaccomplished dynasty (is that a term?) in San Diego after he left KC (also, after being foolishly fired in Washington in favor of Steve Spurrier ~ HA!).

Best YouTube video of all time - Just got better. I present to you: Punt, pass, and kickin' Andy Reid.

I've watched this video atleast 346 times since his hiring, once for every pound of giant child Andy Reid's body, and it gets funnier every time. The misspelling of "Reid." The size of the kid standing behind him, and what he could possibly be thinking. The fact that he's wearing a helmet and shoulder pads for some unapparent reason. The throw that travels like 20 yards. The best thing since wrestling.

Worst move the Chiefs have made this offseason - Declaring Andy Reid will call plays in 2013. Don't like it. In fact, it's the only move they've made this offseason that I'm not really on board with. Reid already struggles enough with many aspects of in-game management, so why would we overload him with the responsibility of calling plays? Can he handle that? I know that he used to call plays in Philly, but was that leading to his poor decision making? I just like the idea of grooming the young hot shot, who in this case new Offensive Coordinator Doug Pederson. I want somebody with balls. I want the Chiefs offense to be the aggressor 60/16 (the new 24/7). I say throw the little tyke in there, let him take his lumps, and prepare him to be the Chiefs play caller for the foreseeable future (given he has a strong history of playing Madden).

Best thing I can say about new Defensive Coordinator Bob Sutton - He calls an aggressive defense, which again, I like. Outside of that, I don't have much of a read on this guy (which usually isn't a good sign for a homer like myself). I like that he'll be sticking with the 3-4 defense. I know he'll have a huge impact on this team's success in the immediate future. And I'm guessing I'll call him Bob Dutton or Eddie Sutton at least 47 times before the season begins.

Best special teams coach in the NFL - Dave Toub (formerly of the Bears). And the Chiefs got him, baby! I'm setting the over/under for 1-point safeties next season at 4.5, who wants action?

Best news for the all-important QB search - Now this looks like a job for Reid, so everybody just follow Reid. In other words, I trust Andy with the decision. Which takes a lot of the fun out of the equation, I know. But when you show me a QB history that includes: Brett Favre (meh), Mark Brunell (most underrated QB of the 90s), Matt Hasselbeck (possibly the most underrated QB of the 00's), Donovan McNabb (the most applicable to the Chiefs' current situation), a second rounder apiece for getting way too much out of A.J. Feeley and Kevin Kolb (two trailer park girls, round the outside of their best under Reid), a 5-1 record out of an aging Jeff Garcia, and the best passing season of Mike Vick's career.... Well, lets just say I'll defer to the The Giant Child on this one.

Best chance at an outsider, non-rookie QB starting Week 1 for KC - Nick Foles. It makes a lot of sense, given the nearly unanimous belief that no QB is worthy of the No. 1 pick, Foles not fitting in with the newly hired Chip Kelly's offense, and the fact that Reid just drafted him last year. I neither love nor hate this possibility. Again, in Reid I trust.

Worst personnel conundrum of the offseason - Branden Albert and Dwayne Bowe. You've got to sign one long term in order to franchise the other. And if you don't, kiss one of them goodbye. And the idea of losing talent from a 2-14 team is more frightening than Brent Musburger being set loose at a catholic high school's prom (just kidding, I love Brent!). I think Bowe is undoubtedly more valuable, and I would have no problem franchising him once again, because the idea of trotting out a new QB with so few receiving options is scarier than Bob Knight with a pint of Ten High and a microphone (I'm not kidding, Bob scares me). When it's all said and done, I think they both return as Chiefs in 2013, both with long term deals.

Best way to prep for the upcoming 2013 NFL Draft - By listening to some Amateur Hour, who will be pollutin' the airwaves down in Mobile, AL - (the site of this year's Senior Bowl, the biggest and baddest College Football All-Star Game out there -- Suck it, East-West Shrine Game!) - with daily podcast updates from myself and Ryan Scott Hall on practices and which NFL celebrities we choose to stalk that day. You'll be able to find our stuff at - AmateurHourPodcast.com (however, in true Amateur Hour fashion, the site is currently in its construction phase - but sign up for the emails. Come on, do it!).

Obie Trice: Real name, no gimmicks,

His Dirkness