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Ramblings of an Idiot: Early Returns

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A little over two months has passed since this edition of 'Ramblings' fell into the black hole of AP posted history. The grunt of free agency activity and the completion of the 2012 draft are in the past, and now it's time for all the AP experts to live up to their end of the bargain. But before we do that, I hope everyone finds the time to give upamtn a call and give him a big ole telephone raspberry. If he's stopped alternating between crying and swearing because the Chiefs didn't take DeCastro he might even answer his phone or put you on the air of his call in program.

Cleveland will NOT trade up to the #2 overall pick to draft Robert Griffin III. They will spend their picks improving the overall talent on their team.


The Washington Redskins WILL trade up to take Griffon


Miami will sign Peyton Manning. The Chiefs 2012 opening day starter will be Matt Cassel. (these 2 are tied together. It's all or nothing)

1/2 Savant, 1/2 Crow Eater. But I proclaimed that my 2 predictions would be tied together, so I'll take my lumps with a Crow Eater grade.

The Chiefs will NOT draft Decastro with the 11th overall pick. They will trade down in the draft and select a guard in the second round. (these 2 are tied together. All or nothing)

Okay, slippery slope here. I realize that you may read this as THREE predictions. (No Decastro, Trade Down, and Guard in 2nd round). However, that's not what I was attempting to predict. As you can see from the original quote I was very clear that these TWO (2) predictions were to be tied together. (No Decastro, Wait until the second round to take a guard). I just wasn't very clear about the trade down part not being a prediction, rather a justification for not taking Decastro. Lucky for me, I'm the one judging the statements, because I knew exactly what I meant and thus I'm giving myself a Savant for that one.

Three out of four, with a partially correct fourth. (Damn Broncos, going and ruining everything with their last minute Manning crush!) I will be changing my signature to include the following line:

-2012 NFL Prognosticator Extraordinaire: Savant, Savant, Crow Eater, Savant

Check out how the rest of the AP fortune tellers did with their predictions after the jump. But be warned in advance, everyone does worse than me, everyone. A shout out to stagdsp though. In time, he could take the lead.


Peyton will restructure his contract to remain in Indy- Crow Eater.

Matt Cassel is the starting QB the majority of the season- Savant, baring Injury.

Chiefs will trade back and draft Dontari Poe in the first round-Savant.

Yeah, I edited your last one and gave you a "gift" Savant. But only to offset all the BS you've put up with from Poe haters bashing you for the last 2 months; and because you still had him in the first round


The Chiefs will not tag and trade Carr. He will walk- Savant

The Chiefs will not trade any player currently on the roster. We’re not trading Dorsey or Bowe or any other player that you don’t like or think doesn’t fit or whatever- Savant, so far

The Chiefs will be linked to Peyton Manning over and over again in the media and everyone will get excited- Crow Eater (The Chiefs were barely mentioned by the media as a Manning landing spot, other than to say he wasn't coming here)

We’ll fail to sign Peyton Manning- Savant

We will not sign Benjarvis Green Ellis- Savant

None of your mock drafts will be remotely close to being correct- Sour Puss

A new leader of the Kool-Aid crowd will rise up from the masses and write posts full of sunshine and lolipops- Sour Puss.

I grade you 4 Savants, 1 Crow Eater, and 2 Sour Pusses (for Negative Nancy predictions that had nothing to do with the Chiefs or their roster)


Carr will not be with the Chiefs in 2012- Savant

Orton will not be the Chiefs QB in 2012- Savant

Chiefs will trade back in the draft- Crow Eater

Chiefs will not draft a defensive player in their first 3 picks- Crow Eater

Congratulations on going 50-50. Next time just flip a coin instead of making predictions.


Redskins will win the RG3 sweepstakes- Savant

Dolphins will win the Manning sweepstakes- Crow Eater

Chiefs will not trade up or down- Savant

Chiefs will not draft DeCastro or Poe at #11 (AP will weep)- Crow Eater

Chiefs will not sign the Dolphins NT, but will sign another NT- Crow Eater, so far

Chiefs will sign the Law Firm- Crow Eater

Orton, Bowe and McClain will be re-signed- Crow Eater on all 3 counts, so far

That's 2 Savants and 5 Crow Eaters. You're going to want to buy an extra large crock pot and a bottle of cheap whiskey to choke down all that bird.


Chiefs will sign another NT at the end of his career- Crow Eater, so far


Carr, Bowe and Orton back- Crow Eater

We trade down in the draft and get 2 crappy O-line picks and a bust nose tackle- Crow Eater, no trade down, no crappy O-line picks, and hopefully no bust nose tackle

Chiefs lead the league in off sides, illegal formations, and delay of game penalties- Crow Eater, cause that's just not gonna happen.

Orton wins 3/4ths of the games he plays in and throws.......- Crow Eater

Chiefs finish 9 and 7 and one game out of the division title- too early to tell, but I'm saying Crow Eater for now.

After all, why break the trend you've set thus far? That's 5 Crow Eaters. Maybe Tarkus will let you borrow his crock pot.


RG to KC- Crow Eater

Look at it this way, you're completely consistent in all your prediction grades. You're batting 1000, if the object was to be incorrect.


The Chiefs will sign Peyton Manning- Crow Eater

The Chiefs will attempt to make another impact move in the off season...- Huh? How am I supposed to grade this? I can't grade based on what the Chiefs "attempt" to do, because 90% of what they attempt to do won't be reported in the press.

The Chiefs will trade back in the 1st rd- Crow Eater

The Chiefs will go O-line/D-line with their first 2 picks- Savant

The Chiefs will dominate a mediocre AFC West and win the division- Too early to tell; but it's a good flavor Kool-Aid

2 Crow Eaters, 1 Savant, 1 Good Kool-Aid, and 1 WTFKPIT? (what the f... kind of prediction is that?)


Matt Cassel will be the starter opening day- Savant, unless something drastic happens

The Chiefs will see RG3 on the opposing sideline next season- Crow Eater (Although technically we could meet Washington in the Super Bowl)

The Chiefs will not draft DeCastro and will trade down for more picks- Crow Eater

The Chiefs will not be as aggressive in free agency as they are putting on- Crow Eater (I consider a TE, RB, RT, and CB that will start aggressive. Not to mention the back up QB)

The Chiefs will lose Brandon Carr to a team that will be in the playoffs next season- It's too early to say yet..but it's likely.

1 Savant, 3 Crow Eaters, and a Tony Romo injury would go a long way toward netting you another Savant.


Carr will be reunited with Gunther in Detroit- Crow Eater

Get thee to the kitchen and bake that black bird into a pie!

craig in calgary

I'll make it down to Arrowhead this year. I won't have my puggle stealing ex-girlfriend slutbag whore around to prevent it- No grade for this, but I enjoyed reading it for the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th times.

Pioli makes a serious play for Manning, but he ends up in Arizona- Crow Eater

Matt Cassel is the starter week 1- Savant, barring something drastic

Kyle Orton ends up in Washington- Crow Eater

Chiefs finish 8-8 and continue to waste their core with shitty QB play- Too early, and you get a Sour Puss

That makes 2 Crow Eaters, 1 Savant, 1 Sour Puss, and if you make it to Arrowhead for a game after getting back together with your former slutbag, and bring her along with you... then you can erase all the grades and I'll talk to Chris about letting you add the line "slutbag whore" to your signature.

Wait and See

Clark Hunt will not fire Pioli even if the Chiefs don't make the playoffs and Crennel fails as a head coach- no grade

We'll all just have to wait and see to find out the results of Wait and See's prediction. (that was a lot funnier inside my own head)


We sign Peyton, but he gets hurt- Crow Eater

Like RD37, we trade back and get Poe- Savant (Like RD37 I'll give you a gift on this one)

No beef in FA, lots in draft- Crow Eater. Eric Winston to start at RT counts as beef.

KC Defense is top 5- Too early, but it's a lovely shade of red Kool-Aid

Chargers and KC duke it out to 9-7 tie- too early again

1 gift Savant, 2 Crow Eaters, and 2 Too Early to tells. When you watch NFL games in China does anyone understand that the Cowboys AREN'T America's team? And that that was nothing more than an old advertising slogan they gave to themselves?


Manning is signs with KC or Miami, but is cut in training camp- Crow Eater

KC can't find a good partner so doesn't trade down. Draft a DT- Savant. Actually, Savant+1 to offset the "gifts" I gave to RD37 and Shanghai

KC signs Paul Soliai- Crow Eater

Cassel is the starter, we make the playoffs, win a game...then lose- Too Early to tell

Something about getting out of a hellish marriage, having your job outsourced to India, ending up dead face down in some river, and missing the Chiefs 2013 SB Win- Positive Thinker Kool-Aid

That's 2 Crow Eaters, a Savant+1, and a Too Early. Concerning your last one.. let me just say: From your lips to God's ears!!!


Allen Bailey will be stealing snaps and generally outperforming Glenn Dorsey by week 10- Too Early, and I disagree

RG3 will have a better rookie season than Andrew Luck- Too Early, but I agree

The Chiefs will sign Soliai- Crow Eater

Jonathan Baldwin will have 800 yards receiving or more- Too Early, but it's my favorite color Kool-Aid

Dexter McCluster will have over 1000 total yards from scrimmage- Too Early

Not much to grade here until the season is over. I absolve you from having to carry the Crow Eater tag until week 10 is over (or forever, if I don't remember to review this post in week 10; Which I won't, unless you remind me)


The Chiefs will Re-sign Javon Belcher for an Inside Linebacker Position- Savant, I guess. 1 year $1.9mil. Free agent in 2013

The Chiefs will Re-sign Barry Richardson for more than we think he Deserves- Crow Eater, but could change..and $1 would be more than he deserves

The Chiefs will draft a Tackle in the 1st round of the 2012 Draft- Savant. I like how you didn't say offense or defense. Cheater!

The Chiefs will also draft another Tackle in the 2012 draft- Savant

The Chiefs will draft a Tight End in the 2012 draft- Crow Eater

The Chiefs will provide a home for a PAC-10 QB in the 2012 Off-season- Crow Eater, but that could change

The Chiefs will Sign a FA running back- Savant

The Chiefs will sign a FA QB. (It won’t be Kyle Orton)- Savant, but at least it wasn't crappy Orton.

5 Savants and 3 Crow Eaters..BUT the if Barry Richardson signs a new deal with the Chiefs you're prediction accuracy would jump to 66%. BTW, if you root for the Chiefs to re-sign Barry Richardson so that you can have bragging rights every Chiefs fan on the planet will curse your first born to club feet and uncontrollable body odor.


The Skins draft RG3, sign Vincent Jackson, Mike Bush, Randy Moss, and a recently released Santonio Holmes. The media goes nuts and immediately picks them to go to the Super Bowl. They go 6-10 after RG3 meets IR thanks to the NYG’s DE’s and Holmes and Moss quiting on their team, again- Crow Eater

No one I want us to pick in the draft gets picked. My Mocks in the Draft threads will prove this- Someone that actually reads Mock drafts can grade this

Pioli will draft a guy we never heard of or considered. But we’ll still get excited about the pick after decrying it due to researching his "potential"- Savant, but it happens to every team every year

That's a risk free Savant, 1 Crow Eater, and an assignment for me to read your mock drafts that I'm never going to complete. I think you should just add "-100x Savant, because no one's going to actually go back and check" to your signature line.

chief Stevie_k

The Chiefs will trade up for RG III.- Crow Eater

The Jets will sign Manning- Crow Eater

The Dolphins will get Flynn- Crow Eater

The Redskins will trade back and draft Tannehill- Crow Eater

Some team—Seahawks?—will trade for Ryan Mallet- Crow Eater

If the Chiefs acquire a healthy Manning or RG III, they will make the SB this year- N/A

5 Crow Eaters and an N/A! That was more brutal than your best man accidentally booking your bachelor party at a gay bar because he thought the name of the place sounded like a strip club.

Chief Willie Wildcat

Bryce Brown will be invited to Chiefs training camp, make the team, and be the 2nd head of the 2 headed monster that is the Chiefs running game- Crow Eater. It could technically still happen, assuming the Eagles cut their 7th round draft pick before training camp starts.

And monkeys might fly out of my butt, too.


The Chiefs will sign at least 1 big name free agent not currently on the roster- Savant... a weak sauce one though

The Chiefs will finally break their playoff losing home- Kool-Aid goodness

Okay, that's 1 Weak-Sauce Savant, and a big'ole glass of Kool-Aid that we can't judge yet.

stenerud's roost

Carr is gone. I weep. We’re close on $$ but we lose out on less than $500K ‘but its the business’ according to his agent- Crow Eater. I'd have given you a Savant before you added all the incorrect detail about being close on $$

Manning signs with the Chiefs- Crow Eater

After Manning is inked, we have several FA vets who offer a discount for the chance to play for a ring- Crow Eater

We draft o-line and TE in rounds 1, 2 & 3 as part of the negotiations to ink Peyton- Crow Eater

Lilja plays an important role in bringing Manning to town. Then is promptly replaced in the starting lineup by a rookie- Crow Eater

Cassel does not carry the clip board. Daboll does- Crow Eater

We win the first round playoff game. At Arrowhead. I smile because i just realized i renewed while Cassel was still named the starter- Too Early, and if you renew in October Cassel will still be the starter =)

We lose AFC championship playoff game on a Stanford Routt interference penalty in the end-zone while time expires. Routt forever becomes "the CB who shall not be named"

You may choose to either give yourself 6 Crow Eaters and 2 Too Early to Tells OR You can just add the line "I honestly thought the Chiefs would land Peyton Manning in 2012." (Either one of those lines will result in the same level of shame)


Chiefs do draft a QB(in or after the 5th round)- Crow Eater

Chiefs trade back and pick a defensive player in the 1st- Crow Eater, I'd have given it to you if you had named the player

Chiefs draft and sign a free agent Rb not currently on the Chiefs roster that is- Savant, and a 2 parter at that

Chiefs win the division and there first playoff game- Too Early

2 Crow Eaters, 1 Savant, and a Too Early. Look at the bright side, if the Chiefs win a playoff game you'll have 2 things to celebrate (the win, and reaching the same level of accuracy that the average internet commenter achieves when choosing between "then" and "than" )


We sign the fatty NT from MIA- Crow Eater

We trade down in the draft and select a RT with our first pick- Crow Eater

Cassel is the opening day starting QB-Savant

2012 ends without a playoff spot. Not sure about the particulars, but KC won’t get it done- Too Early


Dewayne Bowe will sign long term deal before deadline or holdout to get one- Crow Eater, because you spelled his name wrong (my post, my rules!)

Dontari Poe or Paul Soliai will be a chief next year- Savant

No guards will be drafted before the 4th round- Crow Eater

Chiefs will be the favorite to win the afc west- Crow Eater

The Manning hype is strong in the AFC West. Side Note: Even if you meant no guards will be drafted BY THE CHIEFS before the 4th round, I still say Crow Eater because Allen will play guard.


The Chiefs fail to sign any QB’s- Crow Eater

D Bowe re signs a week before training camp long term- Too Early

Chiefs draft trent richardson- Crow Eater

The Chiefs sign some OT in free agency to replace Barry that we have never heard of- Crow Eater, Eric Winston

Ryan Lilja is still a Chief next year- Savant, I guess. Predicting that the starter will still be "on the team" isn't much of a risk unless that starter is Barry Richardson

Re sign McClain- Crow Eater

Ricky Stanzi beats out Matt Cassel in training camp at starts week 1- Too Early Crow Eater, c'mon you don't really believe that do you?

Stanzi gets KO’d week 1 and we are stuck with cassel the rest of the year- No comment

(Dear Baby Jesus, Please bring this guy a new screen name. Amen). 5 Crow Eaters, 1 "Safe Savant", 1 Too Early, and 1 No Comment


No Manning in KC…or Miami. Pey Pey takes the show to MIA- Crow Eater

No RG3 in KC; he’s a Redskin- Savant

Tannehill a Seahag, Flynn a Brown- Crow Eater... SO CLOSE..... you sure you aren't dyslexic?

Chiefs go BPA in round one…no one bites on their QB lust. Defense or offense, it’s all good- Savant, even though some will disagree

Kyle Orton stays in KC. TEXAN_CHIEF chokes a kitten- Crow Eater, thank all things good an holy that Orton hack doesn't wear red and gold anymore

Kirk Cousins is a Chief?- Crow Eater

Cassel is a Falcon or Jag?- Crow Eater

5 Crow Eaters and 2 Savants. Hmm 2 out of 7 isn't THAT ba.... ah, never mind. I couldn't sugar coat this enough if I powdered all the PEZ on the planet and used a sand blasting gun as a icing spatula.


13 predictions, jeez. let's shorten this up.

1 thru 4) - Crow Eater, Crow Eater, Crow Eater, Crow Eater

5) Savant, if you consider Allen as the best available Tackle when we picked

6 thru 9) Crow Eater, Crow Eater, Crow Eater, Crow Eater

10) Savant

11) Crow Eater, thus far

12) Crow Eater

13) Weak Sauce Savant, but predicting we'll draft a defensive back somewhere in the draft is like predicting I'll have a birthday sometime in 2012. Technically I could die, but outside of that it's pretty much a sure thing

For those counting, that's 10 Crow Eaters, 2 Savants, and 1 Weak Sauce. You did know you'd be graded on accuracy, not volume of predictions, right?


In order: N/A, Crow Eater, Crow Eater, Crow Eater, Crow Eater, Crow Eater, Kool-Aid

That makes 0 for 7 with one possible Savant should the Chiefs win the Lamar Hunt Trophy in 2012.


No Peyton here. Chiefs re-sign Orton or sign a low level QB such Jason Campbell or Brady Quinn type. Cassel wins starter job in camp- Savant, just for even mentioning Quinn

Romeo finds an old NT that he has previously coached before or someone that hasn’t been in the NFL for 2 seasons. Don’t sign Soliai. We trade back in the draft & pick an O-lineman with our 1st rd pick- Crow Eater on all 4 accounts

Haley leads the Steelers to a top 5 rushing team next season, Big Ben gets in a physical altercation with Haley this season- Too Early

WOW! Congratz! Another 50/50. I know that doesn't sound like a good thing on the surface, but it's better than the vast majority of contestants. You sir, are a scoundrel among thieves.

Rupert Daniels

Peyton signs with the chiefs, and with the royals playing in October for the first time in 25 years. KANSANITY begins. 2012 is the year of Kansas city sports, everyone jumps on the bandwagon and the kc economy booms like neber before- Crow Eater..lot's and lot's of Crow

RG3 goes to Miami after they trade Brandon Marshall along with 2 firsts and a third to st. Louis- Crow Eater

Ryan tannehill goes to the redskins and shanny is still redfaced- Crow Eater

Cleveland gets Matt Flynn and finds out that he is cassel 3.0 they trade a first round pick for him and continue to suck for 20 more years- Crow Eater(except for the part where Cleveland sucks for 20 more years)

Brandon weeden is drafted by the Seahawks- Crow Eater

0 for 5. Keep your chin up, that's a better success rate than Johnny Carson had for wives, and he was rich AND famous!


The Chiefs draft a RB in the first 3 rounds (Martin, Miller, Pead)- Crow Eater

Bowe gets a new deal, but not until after the deadline, so he gets the damn tag, and Carr walks- Savant (so far)

The Chiefs inquire about trading up, but won’t get in the bidding war- Savant

The Chiefs inquire about Peyton, but won’t win the bidding war- Savant

The Chiefs inquire about Nicks/Grubbs, won’t get in the bidding war- N/A (I have no idea if they inquired)

They sign Shaun Rogers, BGE and at least one other mid-level FA (hopefully Anthony Collins)- Crow Eater

They draft 2 or 3 OLinemen- Savant

Chiefs end up 10-6, and win the West- Too Early/Kool Aid

4 Savants, 2 Crow Eaters, 1 Too Early, and an arguable N/A. YOU ARE THE ABOVE THE .500 MARK! OMG, You're a genius! Will you have my baby?


Bowe is back, Carr is not (fairly obvious, but apparently not for some around here who have delusions of Carr being back along with Flowers and Routt)- Savant, but obvious by your own admission =)

The rest of FA will consist of bringing in guys who can help, but won’y break the bank. I’m thinking better than past guys like Gregg and Demorrio Williams, but not quite at the Paul Soliai level. My guesses would be Anthony Collins at RT, Sione Pouha at NT and a RB or ILB (or both). The brilliance of this will be that they can use their draft picks to build depth and groom guys for the future, rather than being forced to draft for immediate need with guys that need to be plugged into the lineup right away- Crow Eater. Eric Winston, to name just 1

Kansas City trades back in round 1 to grab another pick (or two)- Crow Eater

1 for 3. If you were a baseball player you'd bat clean up; unless you were a KC Royal. If you were a KC Royal you'd be traded to another team for 9 farm players, a dozen hot dogs, and $23,000 in cash.


Manning will wear red next year- Crow Eater

Kellen Moore is the Chiefs late round QB pick-up- Crow Eater

The Chiefs trade back in the first and select either Poe or Decastro, whichever is still on the board- Savant in a "gift" We'll ignore the trade back because you got the round and the player correct

The Chiefs sign Jon McGraw, who gets more field time that anyone on AP is comfortable with- Crow Eater, but that could change. He's still a UFA atm

3 Crow Eaters and a Savant. About par for the course here on AP. It's one big ugly golf course riddled with gopher holes and cow manure. There's more divots in the fairway than in Betty Whites face, and there's less water in left in the lakes than there is "trickling" through the Rio Grande at the Laredo border crossing.

Redberry had 10 predictions. 9 of which are Too Early, and the 10th is a Savant. His grades will have to be held for a later date.


B. Carr walks. KC drafts one CB within first three rounds- Crow Eater

1st pick is TE or LB- Crow Eater

Jason Campbell competes for starter… just loses out to Cassel- Crow Eater

Spoken with all the expertise of a 4 year old sex therapist


Carr walks and we get nothing for him- Savant

The wife hides my gun in fear I will use it on myself due to getting nothing for Carr- N/A (unless your wife plays for the Chiefs!)

Cassels toughest competition in camp is Orton. (really went out on a limb there)- Crow Eater. Orton's gone, there is no competition

Members of AP will continue arguing. (another gutsy prediction)- N/A.

Chiefs sign three O-lineman in the draft, one of which in the first round- Crow Eater

2 N/A's, 2 Crow Eaters, and a Savant. Yet another in a long line of folks that couldn't "get it up" to the .500 mark. Enjoy your beer can crow. I hear it's best served with pinto beans and a bottle of Mescal


(paraphrase) Chiefs will sign Solaili and Nicks- Crow Eater

(paraphrase) Chiefs will stay put in the draft and take Trent Richardson- Crow Eater

(paraphrase) Chiefs make the playoffs and win a playoff game- Kool-Aid

For the time being, that's a big fat zero for a score. With a possible 33% to come if the Chiefs in a playoff game.


The only comnpetition Matt Cassel wil have is Chad Henne, Ricky Stanzi and a QB taken in the 3rd round, or later, in this year’s draft- Crow Eater, no Henne, no 3rd Rounder, Brady Quinn

Chiefs will take Poe (NT), or an OT with their first pick- Savant, and you didn't even mention a trade back

Brandon Carr will walk- Savant

The top FA the Chiefs take will be "The Law Firm" (BJGE)from ther Pats- Crow Eater.

The Cassel haters will be silent by week 6, when Cassel has the team at 5-1, and is in the top 10 in QB rating- Crow Eater. Yes, I'm aware it's "too early", but do you honestly thing the Cassel haters will ever be silent... not matter what he does on the field?

Woot! 2 Savants, 2 Crow Eaters, and a Too Soon that will almost assuredly become a Crow Eater. However, Live the dream of being a .500 player for now. The group is small, and not at all distinguished.

If anyone has managed to read this far down I'd just like to point out that, as usual, I have the top "score." I don't know why you guys and girls ever question me. You should just believe everything I say all the time without ever doubting me for a single second. Either that, or I graded myself on a curve and one reversed grade would make me 50/50.

Just in case you wanted to know, with AP's collective power of prediction we could pool every dollar of salary from every person that's ever read this website and use it all to buy lottery tickets... and still not get enough numbers on any one line to win $3. Have a great night!

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