First and foremost, I'd like to thank the NFL. Thank you for allowing me to purchase NFL.com's "preseason pass" for the low low price of $19.99. Thank you for charging me to view, for merely $5 a game, vanilla-style football played by guys who are more likely than not to be cut from the team. Thank you for not allowing me to view this ridiculous glorified scrimmage (well, for us it was. Tampa Bay... not so much) for free.
But MOST of all, thank you for blacking out nationally televised games, so that someone who doesn't have television is completely screwed out of watching a game he paid money he doesn't have to see. Thank you.
So here I am at 8:30 in the morning, finally able to view the game. How fun that I get to see it after everyone else!
Now that I've gotten that out of my system, I have bad news for you Chiefs fans. All is lost. We suck. You all saw it. A total and complete humiliation at the hands of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. What a wreck. What a joke. What a drain into which all our offseason hopes and optimism were poured. Don't believe me? Well, allow me to tell you why, with a little help occasionally from some gameday thread comments that really hit the nail on the head. The inserted comments below are actual gamethread comments. The rest is all me, and my reasons it's all over but the cryin'.
"Wow they read that perfectly" (following Bannon's first carry).
-- Yes, they did indeed read that play perfectly. They obviously were way more prepared than us, and our coaches didn't anticipate Tampa Bay's ability to read a run up the middle. How anyone could have possibly known we'd start with a play like that is beyond me. After seeing it time after time, preseason game after preseason game, since the dawning of the Todd Haley era here in KC, I would've thought they'd pass the ball or run a sweep to the outside. You know, to take them by surprise. After all, aren't we trying to get Jamaal Charles ready for the season? Doesn't he need the practice? Seriously, how did the Bucs KNOW? What can we take from this? I'll tell you... That our coaches are going to get schooled this year. Duh.
"This is pathetic" and "Chiefs look very sloppy" (During the Bucs first drive)
-- I know, right? I mean, honestly, what's the deal? I refuse to except a defense that plays sloppy football when all it's missing is Brandon Flowers, Kelly Gregg, Derrick Johnson, Tamba Hali, and Glenn Dorsey. I mean c'mon, what are we gonna do if all of those guys get hurt? Lay down and die? I want a team whose 2nd team can blend perfectly with its first team, without any drop-off in play whatsoever. After all, do they think they'll get by with forcing a 3 and out playing 6 starters against other teams' best players? We've got over 50% of our starters on the field for crying out loud! I don't know what to say, and fortunately I don't have to. Those comments said it all. We're a pathetic, sloppy team. There's no excuse. Best players, shmest players.
-- Another awful play (the fumble exchange at the snap). Isn't it a bummer that Harris and Cassel aren't on the same page? After all, he's the favorite to start for us at center this year. I don't know where we'll go if those two can't get on track. We might have to (shudder) start Casey Weigmann and use Rodney Hudson as a backup. Or something else crazy like that. I don't even want to think about it.
"This team is embarrassing itself on a national stage" (after the Battle fumble)
-- Nailed it! What, oh what, are we going to do about a running game this year? Jackie Battle just put the ball on the field, giving Tampa Bay possession. Where are we gonna go after him? Clearly the coaches don't have faith in Jamaal Charles (as evidenced by him not getting the ball at all), and did you SEE Thomas Jones freak out on the sidelines? What kind of player is that? Obviously not part of the right 53. He acted like some 3rd year nobody shoved him out of bounds after he'd clearly slowed down to step out and end the play. He acted like it was a meaningless preseason game and he almost got hurt because some jackass wanted to prove something. I mean, c'mon now. I expect to hear that TJ's off the team tomorrow via Twitter announcement. After that, It's Battle's job to lose. What with JC not getting any touches and all.
"This looks like a 6-10 team" (during the Bucs' drive following Battle's fumble, in which Tampa Bay was still playing its starters)
--I absolutely agree. A defense that consists of Travis Daniels, Pierre Walters, Demorrio Williams, Dion Gales, Donald Washington, Sabby Piscitelli, Jalil Brown, Cameron Sheffield, Anthony Toribio, Brandon Siler, and Allen Bailey is most definitely a 6-10 team at best. In fact, that's probably being optimistic. I'd say they're more likely to go winless and give up about 35 points a game. You'd think they'd be better off with (in order of replacing) Carr, Hali, DJ, Dorsey, Lewis, Berry, Flowers, Studebaker, Gregg, Belcher (maybe), and T-Jax in those spots. Again, another example of incompetence by the coaching staff and/or a lack of talent on our Chiefs. I mean sure, those guys managed to hold Tampa Bay's starting offense to a field goal, but we all know that 3>0 when it comes to the scoreboard. Where's our zero? Where? Well said, gameday thread! Here's to 6-10!
-- Here's a thought while watching the Palko-led offense fail to move after getting one measly first down: what are we going to do about fullback? This Bannon guy doesn't look that great to me. He's ok, but nothing special. I'm not sure if our running game will be able to thrive without a good lead blocking fullback. It'd be nice if he could run the ball and catch it a little too. Oh well, dare to dream. Just another reason all is lost.
Well, that's all I have time to watch right now, but I think I've made my point. Look at all the holes we have on the team. Dwayne Bowe and Jamaal Charles have lost the confidence of the coach (since, you know, we didn't get them the ball. Right?). Our defense consists mostly of guys who seem like they should be developmental guys and backups right now. Our FB is a rookie who doesn't look like anything special. Our center is a guy who doesn't even practice exclusively at the position. TJ lost his temper and is no longer part of the Right 53. Our coaches are overmatched and seem to have almost childlike game plans on offense and defense (I mean wow, how vanilla were our packages? So basic a caveman could do it. What were they thinking? Where were the blitzes, the trick plays?).
I wish I had some good news, but I don't. Looks like another long season for us Chiefs fans. Sorry, maybe next year when that super inexperienced and under-talented defense has a year under its belt. Or maybe if the coaches decide Bowe and Charles are worth using in the offense. Or if we manage to find a really good fullback. Or if Thomas Jones manages to remain a part of the Right 53. Or if we open up the playbook on offense and defense a little. Or if we find a better starting center than Harris. Or if DJ/Dorsey/Flowers/Hali/Gregg manage to SOMEHOW win back their starting spots. It could happen... I guess.
But don't count on it. It all sounds extremely unlikely.