This morning I was reading my daily dose of Arrowheadlines (Thank you NJ Chiefs Fan for all your hard work) and the first link was to an article written by Bob Gretz entitled Summer Blockbuster - The Chiefs... The Movie.
If you would care to read it... I just happen to have a link on me: The Chiefs... The Movie
I started to read the article but it became quickly apparent to me, half way through reading Gretz's reasoning for his pick to play Clark, that I didn't care WHY he picked those actors... it was more fun to scroll through the side by side pics and envision said actor playing said character. I have a few thoughts and changes..... This is where you jump.
Now I like my movies dark, dramatic and really well acted... which means I don't want to see Tom Hanks prancing around. Too expensive and to over exposed. I'm going a little outside the box on a few of these in an effort to make THE. BEST. MOVIE. EVER.
(side note: I chose not to put pics of the players next to the actors because... well, this is a Chiefs blog and if you don't know what these guys look like then take off that Bono jersey and move to San Diego with the rest of the fans who don't give a crap about their football team.)
1. I can't stress this enough. Billy Joel is not an actor. The piano man, yes. An actor, no. The Scott Pioli character needs an actor with some zest and mystery about him... so I picked a guy who can play and/or transform into damn near any character.... plus he seems a little "off" which I like.
Okay, the first pic is because he looks crazy and you can't talk about Vinny D without a Full Metal Jacket pic. The second pic is more how I would see him playing Pioli.
2. Ben Affleck doesn't have the chops to play Haley. Todd needs an actor capable of blowing the gauge clean off the intensity tank... I thought a little outside the box and snagged a fellow that some may not recognize:
If you've ever watched Sugarhouse then you know what this man is capable of.
3. Frankly I'm insulted that Gretz chose Prince of all people to play our beloved Jamaal Charles. I mean, you have all the actors in the world at your finger tips and you select a woman singer.... If it was Dave Chappelle as Prince as JC then maybe... MAYBE.
First I must address some of the other choices:
Common as Eric Berry... okaaaaaaay I was alright with this until I saw Gretz had Ludacris in the role of Dwayne Bowe.... the height difference alone is ridiculous... or ludacris? I can salvage this though. My suggestion:
This just makes too much sense from a physical standpoint. Little dudes, dreads and I heard Ludacris runs a sub 4.4 forty..... okay, I made that part up.
4. Dwayne Bowe
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
Can you smell what the BigRedChief is cookin'? Big flashy dude with big muscles and an even bigger smile. The Rock says "Know your damn role" and that's why he would be a perfect fit for the DBowe Show.
5. Mark Harmon as Dick Vermeil? This would be a great pick if this were a made for TV movie.... or if my Grandma was in charge of casting. Weak Gretz... weak.
Dick should be played by a man with a slight feminine touch, a rousing speech giver and the ability to turn on the waterworks...
(I love me some Boondock Saints)
6. What!?! No Tamba Hali? This one is easy...
- Now I'll give credit where credit is due. Here are a few that Gretz got right:
Greg Kinnear as Clark Hunt - Solid actor with a softness about him that really captures the essence of Clark.
Jake Gyllenhaal as Matt Cassel - Uuuuummm, that is as good as it gets. Perfect casting. This is how you get the chicks to come to the movie.
Cedric the Entertainer as Shaun Smith- Cedric isn't gonna give you an Oscar worthy performance but their are few actors who could pull of a ball grab with such style.
Gary Busey as Gunther Cunningham - Both are unbalanced and bat shit crazy.... and I love it!
Samual L. Jackson as Herm Edwards - The infamous "HELLO?!?" scene would be EPIC.
Roger Goodel - Roger would make a brief appearance in the film... but only for a short time until I killed him off for trying to ruin the sport that I love so much!
Jerry Jones - Jerry can bite me and will never make it into a BRC production... Sorry Jerr Bear, money can't buy everything....... but hypothetically, how much are we talking about here?
Dan Snyder - See Jerry Jones. (bidding war... I'm gonna be rich!)
Al Davis- This is the role that Anthony Hopkins was born to play. The skeletal, brain eating, walking dead owner of the Oakland Raiders. Draw on some liver spots, put the lotion in the basket and say hello to Clarice because Al Davis would be the scariest thing to come to a theater since John Travolta in Battlefield Earth.
There you have it. BigRedChief's revised cast for The Chiefs... The Movie. I now invite you to share you thoughts and/or changes below.
Thanks for reading,