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Bill Simmons: Week 17 NFL picks - ESPN

CHIEFS (-3.5) over Raiders At stake: The Chiefs clinch a No. 3 seed with a win (and drop to No. 4 if they lose and Indy wins); Jamaal Charles could become the first running back with a 6.4 per rush-per-carry average and at least 200 rushes; the Raiders could become the first team to win every division game but fail to make the playoffs in 40 years; and the Raiders could finish 8-8 for the first time since Al Davis was alive. Why you should pick the Chiefs: Wouldn't you rather play the Jets (home) and Steelers (road) than the Ravens (home) and Patriots (road) in Rounds 1 and 2? Of course you would. I would be shocked if the Chiefs didn't go all out in this game. Enduring lesson from 2010: This game features a top-10 fantasy QB (Matt Cassel), two of the top-5 fantasy running backs (Jamaal Charles and Darren McFadden) and the best fantasy receiver (Dwayne Bowe), proving yet again that FANTASY FOOTBALL IS A COMPLETE F***ING CRAPSHOOT AND WE ARE IDIOTS FOR DOING FOUR WEEKS OF MOCK DRAFTS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE F*** IS GOING TO HAPPEN BECAUSE THERE IS NO F***ING WAY TO KNOW!!!!!! Sorry. Had to go all caps there. There's a solid chance I'm locking myself out for the 2011 fantasy football season if the NFL expands to 18 weeks. I can't take it anymore. Any time there's a 90 percent chance you're going to end up unhappy, what's the point?

Hey, is there any way for the Chiefs to hypnotize Larry Johnson into thinking every short-yardage...

Hey, is there any way for the Chiefs to hypnotize Larry Johnson into thinking every short-yardage situation is really a crowded bar filled with the boyfriends of women who just resisted his advances?

Rambling toward Week 14 - Bill Simmons (via ESPN) A bit late, but still pertinent, and funny as hell.
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