Well, after a brief Howard Hughesesque hiatus the Parade is back bay-bey!  Honestly, the Parade's reaction to the spiraling death rattle of Chief's season could best be summed up by this:

Having run out of whiskey, let first say that things are going to be. alright. alright.

The Chiefs are making some strong moves with regard to Brodie Croyle. They dumped that chump Solari, and while I have my qualms about hiring a guy whose name is so similar to "Champ Bailey," or anyone named "Chan" in general, there will be plenty of time for that sort of mocking and nay-saying in the off-season.

No. No. The future is now as they say(?).

And let me say this, nothing could screw up this being a pretty good post season except:

Picture Credit and a well worthy click to the veritable fount of wisdom that is Kissing Suzy Kolber

God I hate Phillip Rivers...

I mean hate is too nice a word, if he were accidentally injured by Jake Plummer in a freak bounty hunter accident (you didn't hear? Jake the Snake is the new Dog the Bounty Hunter), I would personally nominate Plummer for the Chief's ring of fame (despite never playing for the team and tormenting Chris with his irascible bootleg).

But really Chiefs fans, with the exception of THE WORST HUMAN ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET getting some glory from this off-season, things aren't so bad.

There's always the possibility that Rivers could get Bledsoe'd by my new non-Chief hero Billy Volek:

Feel tha: VOLEKTRICITY

(Again that was all KSK check it out.)

But really? I mean, I don't HATE the Patriots, in fact I kinda like any pats fan that admits to liking Drew Bledsoe. It's not like when St. Louis won the Super Bowl, and the two (literally 2) Jerome Bettis fans finally got their just desserts. Also, 19-0 is pretty cool and while I know the pre-stressed-red-sox-capped (in every variety: pink, green with shamrocks, old-tymey) bandwagon toolbox m*ssholes will love it, that's okay.

I would say I'm officially for and against the Pats (if you admit to liking Drew Bledsoe at one point, I'm for you, if you own a Wes Welker jersey, probably against).

Much like I am for Billy Volek and against Phillip Rivers.

Then in the NFC it's kinda the same deal.

The Giants? Well Strahan did the world a favor by teaming up with Jared from Subway. It's like one big nexis of hate. I can turn on my TV and see a commercial where I literally hate everything (I even hate the olives on the sandwich). Then, Osi Umenyiora apparently/alledgedly likes to poop on people? Uhm, I don't know what to say about that.

But Eli, oh man, there's a story. Don't ask me why, but I love this idea of Eli, as the reluctant younger sibling who'd rather be all emo in New York playing squash rather than football. Seiously, Eli was that younger brother who on Saturdays while Peyton and the Wheel Chaired one were off bragging about how many goals they scored, Eli was under the bleachers playing tea party with the orange slices.

[I don't think I have to repeat the story about the time my buddy made Eli cry at an Ole Miss game.]

I pray that Eli wins the Super Bowl, and then immediately goes up to the first cameras and say "I hate you Dad, I hate you and Peyton, and I'm quitting."

Eli, you crazy antihero you, Godspeed.

Finally, the Packers. I mean, Brett Favre. (Funny how the caucasian quarterbacks seem to jump out as team representatives, funny, hmm not at all like society in general).

But I mean Brett Favre he's so old but still incredible. I have to admit I like him despite the ridiculous amount of metaphorical media sodomy his success will immediately engender. I mean?!?!? It's Brett Favre, he did this:

That's hilarious, and awesome all at once.

Also, who isn't dying to see if Favre can still act unimpressed if they win a Superbowl. "Well, uh, this is great and all, but we've still got a long way to if we expect to win back to back championships."

-Blank look from McCarthy, "WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!?!"

Transcript of a Bellichek-Farve pre-Superbowl discussion.

Furthermore, Green Bay is a good example for Chiefs fans. In this era of the youtubes and the interwebs and the blogospheres do we really want to open ourselves up to national criticism through our success? The obvious answer is yes, but how much mocking of Herm's flustrating racially ambiguous speech patterns are we willing to take? Do we really want every delusional hick from Olathe that moved to LA with a failed acting/busboy career doing this?

I mean you know this would be Arrowhead if we ever made it to the AFC championship.

So relax Chiefs fans, let's all hope Phillip Rivers gets a concussion and the stereotype of our choice goes on to glory.

1. Billy Volek (the chosen one)
2. Tom Brady (Not tired of pregnancy jokes?)
3. Eli (Shine on you crazy diamond)
4. Brett Fav-ra (too tough to die too crazy to live)