FanPost

NOT MAKING THIS UP...

Sometimes the PARADE has a little trouble coming up with who to put on notice.

Not this week...

I cannot stress enough that I am NOT making this up, it is 100% true, again not making this up...

Via I Dislike Your Favorite Team the PARADE has learned that Denver's long-time personal nemesis of mine place kicker Jason Elam has co-written with his pastor, a football-themed adventure novel about a terrorist plot titled, again, NOT MAKING THIS UP:

MONDAY NIGHT JIHAD

Cover via Tyndale House Publishers

Christ, I can see why Plummer decided to cash in his chips and move to Idaho.

The Devil courtesy of The Denver Post


Seriously, I hate this guy, and I'm not even going to get into the weird aspects of the Pat Tillman implications. I won't even get into how weird this I find super Christian athletes, i.e. Mike Sweeney and the entire Colorado Rockies franchise apparently.

No, the Parade is putting crazyman Jason Elam on notice because he capable of thinking that a Christian themed thriller wherein Islamic Terrorism is combatted by football is a good idea. He's like Dan Brown and Kirk Cameron had a love child and it was raised by Howie Long with nothing but choose your own adventure books. In a sense he's equating the NFL to the Knights Templar.

I mean the thought process has to be: "Hank Williams Jr. has beard, terrorists have beards, Hank Williams Jr. likes to blow stuff up, terrorists blow stuff up, all my rowdy friends yes I see where this leads..."

Mr. Elam's muse:

Completely insane, clearly.

This explains why it's impossible to ice him though. He's completely gone, seriously, there's just a vacant stare daydreaming about Bocephus blowing up Mile High occasionally interrupted by someone telling him to go in and kick a field goal. Why do you think he's number 1? Anything else would blow his mind.

On a personal sidenote, I had a friend who at random chose to be a Broncos fan even though he was from New Jersey. As a result, he once came up with this terrible rap:

I don't talk to girls,
I don't chase or need 'em
I kick b****es to the curb
like I was Jason Elam

I think it's safe to say that if Jason is kicking anything to "the curb" it's because he literally thinks they're a football or possibly a terrorist/the devil.

UPDATE:

Jason Elam on evolution:

You've got this Goo Man they want you to think we came from. It doesn't make sense to me.

I don't care what your view on evolution is, I think it's safe to say that "Goo Man" wasn't exactly what Darwin was getting at.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Arrowhead Pride's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Arrowhead Pride writers or editors.