FanPost

RIDICULOUSNESS

I'm not even going to pretend that I'm holding on to sanity. Professional football season doesn't start for another 52 days, and that's a freaking Packers game. C'mon, man.

As a recently-initiated Chiefs fan, I have a bunch of bright shiny new Kool-Aid packets. I've opened them all, sniffed the contents... and delicately poured each one into a giant vat. As I filled the vat with my garden hose, the Kool-Aid became bright bright red, with little gold swirly bits. After adding a few pounds of ice (warm Kool-Aid is just gross), I gave the concoction a few stirs with my Bronco-spanking paddle--which I hope we put to good use this season--and said the magic words: "Jamaal Charles". "Eric Berry". "Tamba Hali". "Dontari Poe". "Justin Houston". "Derrick Johnson". With a little hopeful optimism, "Dwayne Bowe".

And I drank deep. Oh, I quenched my thirst with eager anticipation. And I entered the dream-world. With red-stained tongue, lips--whole face, let's not kid myself, I'm a sloppy sumbitch--I was given visions of 2014. And I saw a great calamity approaching.

You see, we're going undefeated this season. And we're going to be winning games by an average of six touchdowns. The tragedy is, however, that the coaches and players are going to be bored. Once we're up by 35 points, the defense is going to deny our opponents' every move. But football is supposed to be fun, even when it's a job.

So I bid you to join me as I draw up the goofiest-looking, cheesiest formations and/or plays ever conceived. We'll have plenty of garbage time late in games to mess around with our opponents' heads, and my Kool-Aid-inspired ideas will do just that.

Behold: ridiculousness.

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I made this for NN. It's a two-TE formation, with somebody replacing Eric Fisher at left tackle, allowing him to kick out to end. Larry the Candian is lined up at right end, and the only wide receiver in this formation is actually a running back. Scratch that. He's a demigod masquerading as a running back. Eric Berry is lined up at pistol QB. His split backs are Anthony Sherman and Dontari Poe. Will Berry hit our athletic giants with a seam dump, will Chazz motion across and take a sweep, or will Poe put Refrigerator Perry to shame? Let the enemy's defensive coordinator worry about that.

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What we're looking at here is a fairly standard pistol trips formation, except most trips formations don't line the right tackle up right next to the X receiver. Is this fatty trips form a setup for the cheesiest DAT screens of all time? I can neither confirm nor deny that.

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Sure, lining Dontari Poe up as a linebacker during obvious passing downs is absurd. But you know what's more absurd? Bringing in a third wide receiver. If these weak teams want to do something as cowardly as throwing the ball, we're going to make them regret it. I can't imagine any rubs/picks or crossing routes out of the bunch when Dontari "I ate a tank factory for breakfast" Poe is ready to concuss all three dumb sumbitches--blockers, ball carriers, it doesn't matter to the land-bound aircraft carrier that is our nose guard.

Judge me. I don't care. I've been drinking Kool-Aid all summer long, and I'm not going to stop. Don't be surprised when we're up by 40-odd points and our offense comes out in the swinging gate because, and I quote Future Andy Reid "we were getting a little tired of winning the normal way".

Go Chiefs!




This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Arrowhead Pride's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Arrowhead Pride writers or editors.