"With the 21st pick in the first round, the Green Bay Packers select: Anthony Barr, Linebacker, UCLA."
Immediately upon hearing the news, Chip Kelly threw down his pen and covered his little red face in his hands. "You've gotta be sh---in' me."
"There, there Chip," Eagles owner Jeff Lurie said as he began to slowly move toward Chip's desk. "It's not all bad. We can still get our wide receiver to replace DeSean."
"I don't want a wide receiver," Chip said. "I wanted Barr. Green Bay just c--k-blocked us. It isn't fair."
Lurie placed his hands on Chip's back and began to massage his chubby shoulders. "Yeah, those cheeseheads are starting to piss me off. But we have roughly 12 minutes to decide who we want. We better pick someone. The last thing we want is to hit the buffet after Andy Reid and the Chiefs."
Chip knew what Lurie meant. Upon Chip's arrival in Philadelphia, Andy Reid took the last of the chicken wings at Chip's press conference introducing him as the new head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles. This left Chip sulking for an hour in the corner of his new office and the rest of the Eagles staff playing an adult-sized game of hide and seek to find him. Chip thought at the time, the only thing worse than Andy eating all the wings was knowing that his butt had occupied that oversize leather throne chair sitting behind the desk. He probably even farted in it, too.
"Yeah, there won't be anything left if Reid gets there. He'll take all three receivers if he can," Chip said.
"Ok Chip, who do you want? Marqise Lee, Odell Beckham and Kelvin Benjamin are all still out there."
"I don't like Benjamin. He's too slow. I think Beckham produced against crappy teams and couldn't produce against good teams. So that leaves Lee. He kicked my ass repeatedly in Oregon. We only faced him twice and he had something like 300 yards and three TDs. He reminds me of DeSean, too, minus the whole gang thing."
"Well that's fine, Chip. But, aren't you the least bit worried about his leg problems?" Lurie had stopped rubbing Chip's shoulders and walked to the front of the room where the Eagles big board was located.
"Lee had bum legs last year and could never get healthy," Lurie continued. "Personally, I'm leaning toward Beckham. Benjamin doesn't interest me in the least. Beckham though, he just makes plays."
"I hate LSU players! Name me one LSU receiver that's been worth a crap. The SEC is overrated."
"Chip, we have less than 10 minutes to make this pick. I don't have time to name off LSU receivers to you. But since you went there, Dwayne Bowe has been pretty good in the NFL."
"Dwayne Bowe sucks!" Chip yelled, his head still covered by his midget hands.
"Fine Chip, you're right, Dwayne sucks. There's no reason to get upset about this. If you like Lee, then we can draft Lee. It's not like we don't have a pick in the second round. But I need to know if you value WRs over the other positions at this spot in the draft."
"Everyone else is already gone, Jeff! Everyone we liked. We needed a safety, and they're both gone. We needed an outside linebacker, they're all gone. We needed a corner, gone!"
Jeff looked around his war room at the scouts and front office personnel. No one made eye contact. They were all tired of Chip's excessive whining but no one had the balls to speak up. Chip was an offensive genius in the college ranks and his style transferred to the NFL with no real problems. Still, Jeff knew that great minds come at a cost. This one unfortunately meant that he had to play baby sitter to a 50-year old. At least with Andy it was bearable. Watching Reid eat Philly cheese steaks two at a time seemed like a dream come true by this point.
Jeff motioned to his assistant who immediately opened a brief case that had been stashed away behind the couch. His assistant pulled a metal cylinder out of the brief case, stood up, and walked to Chip's desk. Chip now had his head resting on a pile of papers. He was rolling his head side to side as if he was trying to awaken from a bad dream. His visor sat upside down on the floor.
Jeff gave the nod, and without hesitation, the assistant swung the metal tube down at Chip's head, knocking him unconscious.
"Mr. Lurie, you have about five minutes to make this pick. What's it going to be?"
"Personally, I like Beckham. Let's go with him. Chip won't mind, will ya buddy?"
Chip's body lay motionless over his desk. Drool slowly oozing from his open mouth.
"That's a fine choice Mr. Lurie. Beckham has plenty of upside. He has incredible speed. Big hands. Runs great routes and is physical despite his height. I really think that he will have more success in the NFL than Cooks or any of the other receivers," said Howie Roseman, the teams General Manager, who had been in Beckham's corner since they had decided to release DeSean Jackson.
"That settles it then. Does anyone else have a problem with Beckham being an Eagle?"
The staffers assembled around the room looked on in agreement.
"Sounds good! Howie, you call Beckham and let him know that he's an Eagle, and I'll call down to stage and let them know our pick."
"With the 22nd pick in the 2014 NFL Draft, the Philadelphia Eagles select Odell Beckham Jr., wide receiver, Louisiana State University. "
LSU WR Odell Beckham Jr.
Mel Kiper: "This is Chip's guy. Chip Kelly liked this kid from the beginning. My sources tell me that Lee's leg problems were a major concern for Chip. I can only imagine the excitement in the Eagles war room right now."
Quick hands and feet to slip the jam. Fluid and fas. Good balance. Sinks his hips and changes gears to create seperation. Quick hands to pluck off his frame. Terrific leaping ability, climbs the ladder to snatch throws. Creates after the catch-- shows burst and shiftiness as a runner. Has playmaking ability. Confident and competitive. Has kickoff- and punt-return experience. Productive three year starter.
Adequate height. Lacks elite top-end speed to separate vertically. Could stand to polish the finer points of his route running. Inconsistent making contested grabs -- can be out-muscled in a crowd. Has some concentration drops. Can improve as a blocker. Was not an impactful punt returner. Was held in check by Florida and Alabama.
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