Congratulations Chiefs fans. We deserve this. Monday Mornings for the last 10 weeks have been wonderful, haven't they? It is so good to have the best team in the NFL. It’s been a long awaited journey from the bottom of the mountain a year ago to where we are now, sitting firmly atop our red and gold colored Pikes Peak. Only our Pikes Peak has a lot more scenery as those below us struggle to find the second best team in the NFL. On Monday mornings we wake up to birds singing in the air, breakfast on the table, no hassle of traffic, and we march like ants to the jobs of our dreams. We brush our teeth with champagne flavored tooth paste, our cereal never goes soggy, and coffee never goes cold. Life is good. We know not of defeat. We have been perfect. Unbeatable. Yes, we have our enemies. They hate us with a passion, but we don’t care. We laugh at them because we know their doom. They mock us with every breath that they breathe. Their words fall on deaf ears. They claim that their team should be number one. But, they show weakness and failure. This week begins a week long sacrifice in Chiefs Kingdom. The alter will run red with the blood of the Denver Broncos. The Gods will be pleased. Today starts a week long War Party that silences the critics.
Let the hate flow through you:
The Denver Broncos are nothing but a bunch of Vaseline covered cheaters. They play stupid football, full of mistakes and bad penalties. Their receivers fall down before they get hit and those who don’t take a dive, fumble the ball away. Their Quarterback is 38 years old with a noodle arm and two bum ankles. His passes flutter through the air and have more hang time than a Dustin Colquitt punt. Their best defensive player still lives with his parents. He’s a drug addict crybaby that needs to spend the next offseason on Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab. Their owner is ex NFL’er who just couldn’t walk away. He turned the Denver Broncos into the New York Yankees of football by paying top dollar to an old, stiff legged, weak armed version of Tony Romo. Peyton Manning is quite possibly the best regular season QB to ever live, but once he gets to the postseason he’s worse than his little brother (whom we took to the proverbial wood shed earlier this year). Their fans are delusional weenies that think the refs hate their team. Their SB Nation blog is a joke. It’s filled with fluffy articles and twisted stats. They throw out absurd statements to entice fights. And when there is no fight to be had, they turn on each other. Cheering for the Broncos this year is like going to a casino and cheering the house. It doesn’t make you a fan. It makes you an arrogant ass. A part of me feels sorry for these Broncos as they have two more years of first round playoff losses ahead of them before their Quarterback retires. After he is gone, this offensive juggernaut will just become offensive. They will lean on the unproven talents of Brock Osweiler led by the worst type of head coach that anyone could have, one that plays for a tie. Enjoy being the talk of the NFL for another season Broncos fans. After Peyton retires you're all in for a rude awakening.
Your 5 greatest Denverites:
Duane Chapman- Dog the Bounty Hunter- the epitome of everything that is Denver: The mullet, the obsession with trailor homes, and the wife who looks like a man. Rat tails, Coors Lights, and flannel jackets too.
Frank Welker- Voice of Fred from Scooby Doo, and the father of Wes Welker. Many do not know this, but Frank Welker actually played one of the lizards eating Wes Welker’s legs from the old spice commercial. He also made love to the cartoon versions of Daphne and Shaggy.
Michael Winslow- I wonder if he can make the sound of dreams shattering…
One Republic- Just too typical of a band coming from Denver. One Republic’s vanilla sound only proves that their inspiration comes from gray skies, roadkill, and the dirty snow on the sides of the road. At least the road kill provides a little bit of color.
Roseanne Barr- Rosie wasn’t born in Denver, but she did move their after high school. Denver gets the credit for this one as they made her famous.
The Crystal Ball:
There is no way that the Chiefs will lose to the Broncos this week. The Broncos lost to the Colts who got beat by 30 points by the Rams (MHR logic). The Chiefs will dominate the time of possession, they will sack Peyton 7 times, and force 4 turnovers. Peyton will spend more time on his back than
Jenna Jameson Royce Gracie. Jamaal Charles will score 3 touchdowns. Alex Smith will throw for 2 touchdowns. There will be a sack/strip/fumble recovery for a touchdown. We will have one Special Teams touchdown. Ryan Succop will kick 9 field goals and Dustin Colquitt will punt the ball over a mountain. This will be a blood bath and the Chiefs will win big. My prediction is: The Chiefs will win 27-13 and the critics will say; "They haven't played anyone yet."
Ok, Chiefs fans.. I got you started. Let the War Party continue below in the comments. And as always, let the hate flow through you.