That'll do pig, that'll do.
Welcome to the boiled over tundra of Lambeau Field (where the fans actually go to their preseason games - check out this shot of the stands before opening kickoff). This is where I blast KC fans for not showing up to preseason games right? Mmmm, nah.
Well, that was a fun little contrast to last week's pass-a-thon. At least this week's discrepancy in play calling was closer to what the "actual" Kansas City Chiefs offense will look like come regular season.
Ah, the regular season. Next week, bay-bee! No more exhaustive analysis of not only who did what and when, but why the what done by the who actually mattered. Still with me?
Worst game on the football calendar - The 4th preseason game. Just brutal.
Best news - This write up will be served as more of a Gronkowski-type hybrid between preseason recap and preview for next week's regular season opener.
Keepin' it short n' sweet…
The Best & Worst w/ His Dirkness:
Best/Worst Republocratic National Convention address on the 2012 Kansas City Chiefs (Clint Eastwood cameos kept to a minimum) - This is a big year for the franchise. We, as fans, have moved all in, making this season about more than just the 16 games played in 2012. It will determine how the past three seasons will be remembered. Anything short of playoffs this year and the 2010 campaign will be seen as a fluke. "They played an easy schedule, suffered almost no injuries, and the Chargers crapped the bed that year." On the flip side, if this year's team can make the playoffs, then 2011 comes off as the fluke. "Three ACL's, Billy Goat Haley, and The Tyler Palko Experience." Teams constantly overachieve in the NFL, which is more often than not followed by an underachievement the next season. The real barometer is that third year. Well, Chiefs fans, this is that third year. So get your popcorn ready.
Best Chiefs Running Back in 2012 - Peyton Hillis (calm down, it's simply a catchy headline that Joel makes me write). By this, I'm predicting Hillis finishes this season with more rushing yards than Jamaal Charles. This is not an indictment on Jamaal whatsoever, who has looked great coming off of his Blank-CL surgery. During Thursday's broadcast, Trent Green guestimated if the Chiefs ran the ball 35 times that The Real Peyton would receive 20, while God Jam Charles gets the other 15. I completely agreed. Plus, Hillis looks like a rhinoceros running through defenders right now. He's got a ton to prove after last season, and is looking to get paid before next season. That equates to a dangerous combination this season, and the Chiefs play the benefactors.
Best running team in the NFL - Da Chiefs. I'm bummed I couldn't' find anywhere to wager on this, because I am overly confident the Chiefs will lead the NFL in rushing this season. Charles, Hillis, an offensive line that's ready to maul some folks, and a philosophy who's curtains should match the drapes (hey now). I've heard some crazy talk these past few weeks about the Chiefs lacking an identity. That's incorrect. They do. And it's pounding that ass for 60 minutes.
Worst unit to experience injury - No, not cornerbacks. Offensive line. The Chiefs are in big trouble if any of the starting five (who have all looked great) go down this season (extremely rare to avoid all year long). Donald Stephenson (or as he has come to be known, Not Russell Wilson) looks terrible. Jeff Allen looked dreadful last night. A handful of scrubs are fighting over that last offensive line spot, none of whom can really perform with the big boys. If Pioli and the Chiefs are to make a move following cuts today, I think it'll be here at this position.
Best positional debate - Nate Eachus v. Shaun Draughn v. Cyrus Gray: 3rd/4th RB. Nate has been nasty in the 4th quarters of the preseason, while Draughn has played adequately mixing in with the starters. Gray made the roster but has injury questions, reaching his predestined nickname, The Virus. Eachus and Draughn have looked better in the preseason.
Worst positional debate - Backup quarterback. Here's how it'll work if Icy Matt Cassel goes down. If the Chiefs season still has life, then Now He's Done gets the nod. If the season is over, then Cro-Manzi gets the call. And hopefully a haircut. Damn hippie.
Worst DJ news of the day - He didn't come up with that fumble on the Packers' opening play of the game. D'oh, he missed!
Best fullback on this team - Patrick DiMarco. Who?
Worst fullback on this team - Patrick DiMarco. Ohhh…
Best player to fill in for Tamba Hali in Week 1 - Edgar Jones. I love his tenacity. And I just can't imagine Andy Studebaker getting pressure on any starting offensive line.
Best to clarify - I was joking about the DJ fumble play. Adam Teicher tweeted out that his injury "could be significant," which people misinterpreted to mean severe. What I think he meant was that any injury to DJ would be "significant" because of his value to the team. Oh Twitter, when will you learn?
Worst false conclusion reached from the game - Stanford Routt picked off Aaron Rodgers, alright! Well, it did happen, yes, and his coverage was blanketagious, but Rodgers only threw the ball because he caught sight of the Chiefs front jumping offsides. Although, this gives me a chance to talk about Routt, who is of upmost importance to this team. I have zero read on him yet. All offseason I was convinced he was going to walk in and dominate, but haven't liked what I've seen in the preseason. In my eyes, he could be anywhere from James Hasty playmaker-extraordinaire-good to Dexter McCleon after-his-first-year-bad. I will come down, and come down hard, on Pioli for letting Brandon Carr walk if it's the latter.
Best guess on the five most important Chiefs for Week 1 vs. Atlanta:
1. Justin Houston - The Chiefs' most impressive player of the preseason has to play well for the Chiefs to win, no ifs, ands, or Marion Butts about it. With Tamba Hali out, a majority of the pass rushing duties fall on his shoulders. Banged up secondary + lack of pass rush = Trouble. Damn, it's gonna be tough to win that first game.
2. Jamaal Charles - I have little doubt the Chiefs will be able to pound the rock up the gut of the Falcons defense, but they'll need some big plays to go alongside. God Jam is their best chance at that right now. Just give me some Charles in open space, I miss it!
4. Matt Cassel - Obligatory.
5. Branden Albert - Before Cassel can sling guns, and before any of the WR's can make plays, it is Albert who must keep Falcons DE John Abraham occupied.
Best I can do to get you pumped for next week - I know a lot of you are down on this team right now after another awful preseason. But this isn't the time for that. Repeat after me: These games didn't count. The game next week counts. And it's at home, a little place we like to call Arrowhead Stadium. So leave your laissez-faire, woe-is-us attitudes at home, and bring your big boy voices out to the game. Give this team the jumpstart they desperately need this season. And make yourself a part of it. Or just watch this. And then watch it again.
Bringin' the funk and the noise,