Dear 2012 Chiefs,
You're going to listen to me. The reason you're going to listen is because you need perspective. I moved to Montana from Wichita when I was four. I am probably one of seven chief fans in this state. The rest are Elway/Manning leg-humpers, except for one good friend I have who is a raiders fan (that's right, in MT, you have to resort to being friends with Raiders fans because the stench of Broncoland is so bad!). I have been a fan of the chiefs since that age. You have never really been good, let's be honest. Ironically, a man named Montana came once at the twilight of his career, when most of you were still on the teet. Now is your chance. Not to suck teet, but to be good. Actually, if you start winning, I'll, as Dwayne says, even "import" some teet for you. You guys did some great things last night. Jamaal Charles, way to go. Eric Berry, thanks for getting up. That looked like it hurt. Tamba Hali, thanks for getting raped over and over and over again and still attacking. I accept the roughing the passer penalty with pride; Wilson deserved much, much worse. Matt Cassel. Even you, Matt, were a notch above decent when Bowe was out there. Bowe, thanks for how awesome you are. Every time you were on the field, a wonderful feeling entered my gut. It was like the seagulls knew you were there, creating mismatches, and everyone in the stadium as well. And that's when Matt did his best. Can't wait for that during the season. Dexter, mmm...Dexter. I'm tattooing you're face on my back, Steve-O style.
Now, there were a few things stemming from the game that cause me a little concern. First and foremost, Jalil Brown (I say your full name here because, sadly for you, your name won't be remembered long in the NFL). You didn't do anything really horrible. You really didn't DO anything. And that's why you don't belong in the NFL. I feel bad for you, honestly. Romeo, you, on the other hand, I'm quite angry with. Seriously, couldn't you grab the little girl in the 3rd row of section 118 with the painted face; she may have caused more intimidation than baby-face Brown. How much lunch money did he have? He must have had a lot, because it kept getting taken from him, over, and over, and over again. On some quirky positive, I don't know if Mr. Russ Wilson proved a ton; he can throw it to a veteran receiver that can trick a poor rookie. Congratulations. Now, @bflowers24, #getyourassbackonthefield. I don't really care if you have to ice your calcaneus, shake it, wiggle it, slap it, or send in Dennis Quaid from Inner Space to do micro-fracture surgery on it. Fix your ankle and get out there. I'm not saying this to be a jerk. Please, just watch the rookie QB completely dry hump us when you watch the replay of the game. You're needed. Wince. Grimace. I don't care. Man up, pull a Brett Favre, and come fly with us. The little boy who has watched the chiefs get dominated for a quarter century needs you.
Now, away from individual concerns, and more onto the state of the team. This team, really has every hole filled. When you're not injured. So stop getting injured. It's really pissing me off. Get. Healthy.
Guys, some really simple things would make you go far. Stop getting injured. Matt, don't leave the pocket. How big a boy are ya? Put on your big boy jock strap and take a hit if you have to. Albert, I have had enough of your penalties. Romeo, coach like the defensive mind you are. This is the preseason, but 40+points? Really? That's a Todd Haley score. Don't be him. For the love of all that's decent, don't be him. Hire back Shaun Smith. He'll grab guys' balls, but he's "you're man." Did I mention, stop getting injured? Train your back-ups to step in. Send Jalil Brown back to the minors. Sorry kid, you're not ready. Kendrick Lewis, slap some icy hot on that shizzle and roll, baby. Jonny B-thanks for not fumbling the football this game. Keep it up.
Preseason is PRE-season. But win.
1969. That was before I was born. We're due. Earn our fandom. We've been fans through worse. We'll be fans at the end of the day no matter what. But if you want to sleep well at night, at least earn it.