Representing the Seattle Seahawks, misterbrain with the 12th pick in Arrowhead Pride's 2012 NFL mock draft...
Well guys, I didn't get a chance to do a super-flashy video. I was going to try to do something never done in the history of NFL Mock drafts and Television, but it didn't turn out very well at all.
**Un-edited Transcript of never-to-be aired episode of The Drafting Game, please read at your own peril**
HOST: Welcome to The Drafting Game, where we help clueless GM wanna-bes decide how to come up with ridiculously pointless draft picks for just as ridiculously pointless, but generally highly entertaining, mock drafts!
Our contestant today, misterbrain, who thought himself to be smart enough to step in and draft for the Seattle Seahawks. Luckily for him, when he found out there was no way he could be more entertaining than some guy from Canada, we were able to find a last-minute spot for him on the show.
Now, his minimal research showed that the biggest need for the Seahawks appears to be a pass-rusher, preferably at defensive end. To help him out, we decided to bring in three potential defensive ends that might be available when it is time to make his pick. Before we bring him out, let's introduce you to our prospects!
Sitting in the first chair: Melvin Ingram, DE from South Carolina. He shot up the draft boards after an impressive combine performance. Compared to the other elite prospects, he's a bit on the smaller side...
INGRAM [offstage]: Who you calling small?
HOST: Not small, just that you weighed in at slightly less than the other two here today. (Geez, someone calm this guy down.) While he doesn't have blazing speed, he is extremely physical, absolutely destroying lineman who try to take him on alone. This has helped him overcome his short arms to be a dynamic pass rusher.
Let's take a look at some highlights of Ingram courtesy of BenjiGridiron on YouTube
Heard on the tape under the video as it plays:
HOST: Why are we playing this video? The music has nothing to do with what we are looking at. And half of it isn't even footage of Ingram.
BOOTH: We needed something to appeal to the younger fanbase. Have you seen our ratings recently? We aren't hip enough to make people care.
HOST: Well WTF (was that hip enough for you). The next video better not be this bad.
HOST: Ladies and Gentleman, Mark Ingram! [Ingram walks in and sits down]
Sitting in the second chair, Quinton Coples, DE from North Carolina.
His relatively slow 40 time at the combine has a few people concerned, causing him to slip slightly in the draft rankings, but his solid performance in drills and his dominating performance at the Senior Bowl keep him as a top-10 overall prospect. He is the 2nd rated DE at both WalterFootball.com and Scouts Inc.
Let's go to the tape, courtesy of SuperTmartin1 on YouTube
Again, heard on the tape under the video as it plays:
HOST: What the hell is this #$*#! Does anyone know how to screen a video before we play it?
Host: Who is doing commentary on this? Seriously, I could give better commentary from my basement while watching videos of kittens.
BOOTH: Wait, what?? Why would you ever want to comment on...
HOST (interrupting as the video ends): Ladies and Gentleman Quinton Coples! [Coples walks in and sits down]
And finally, in our third chair, Nick Perry, DE from USC.
Perry is the most inconsistent of the projected DE prospects. Some have him going in the Top-15, but others don't expect him to get drafted until the 2nd round. He has a lot of potential, being very quick and athletic, and while he was overall very impressive in college, there is some concern based on his play against some of the elite tackles he matched up with. His strong combine improved the thoughts on his potential, so there is a chance he could be picked very high in the draft.
Once again, let's look at the tape, courtesy of...
[Phone heard ringing in the background]
HOST: TURN THAT OFF!! WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A SHOW!!
INGRAM: Hold on, it's my agent.
HOST: Make sure we edit this out of the final cut.
INGRAM: Yeah, what's up? Really, I just got drafted by citadelchief to play for the Panthers? Awesome, I'm on my way over.
HOST: What just happened?. Oh well, we can work around it later. Roll the YouTube tape!
As the tape starts...
HOST: What the #$%@! I thought I told you guys to stop screwing up the tapes. This one doesn't even have any football in it. You guys are fired!!
BOOTH: Doesn't matter anyway, we got cancelled two minutes ago. Besides, Perry didn't even show up.
As tape ends, misterbrain, running into the room...
Misterbrain: WTF is this crap of a show? You told me you knew what you were doing. Just a hint, if you want someone to be surprised and not know who is there when they come onto the stage, make sure you turn off the backstage speakers. I heard every damn word of that crap.
And another thing, how the hell are these questions supposed to help me decide which person to draft? Who cares which type of food they like best, or whether they are a dog or a cat person. When you said this was loosely based on the same premise as The Dating Game, I didn't think you meant I would be asking questions like this!
[Picks up phone and dials]: Yeah, Joel, I'm going to need some extra time on this. Can you tell me who is already gone? My "new and innovative drafting method" turned out to be a complete and utter travesty.
**END OF TRANSCRIPT**
Turns out that I lucked out, as one player fell to me that I wasn't expecting. I wouldn't want to have felt obligated to take Coples or Perry when I got the chance for a much better fit for the SeaHawks.
Thus, I finally reveal that with the 12th pick in the AP Mock Draft, the Seattle Seahawks select: 2011 Butkus Award winner Luke Kuechly, ILB from Boston College.
Luke Kuechly College Butkus Award Winner 2011 (via tpmediaservices)
Kuechly is widely regarded as one of the best linebacker prospects in the draft, and him falling to the Seahawks is an absolute gift. He is a very aggressive player who has a good feel for the game. Can be a bit too aggressive, but generally recovers well enough to prevent giving up big plays. He is extremely strong against the run, and very good against the pass. He doesn't have elite speed, but makes up for that by typically taking good angles to the ball.
He wouldn't be used for pass rushing, but is overall a very good linebacker, who does well tackling in open space.
The Seahawks had a glaring hole open up when David Hawthorne and Leroy Hill decided to test the open market. While there is a decent chance that at least one of them could be resigned, Linebacker is still a huge need at this point. They get to bring in not only the best linebacker in the draft, but also a player of high character and a strong leader.
So now, it's time to celebrate (both the pick and finally finishing this beast of a write-up) and follow the advice of one Pawtucket Pat:
Family Guy: Pawtucket Pat's Beer Song (via PeterGriffinTV)
Previously (with approval results)...
9. Carolina Panthers - South Carolina LB/DE Melvin Ingram (Forgot to do a poll)
Do you agree with the pick?
Agree (217 votes)
Do not agree (118 votes)
335 total votes