Timothy Richard Tebow: A Gosh Among Men (A God of "Oh, Goshes")

I'm sure you opened this thread hoping it was a misplaced fanshot. Hoping that it was the red band trailer for the Zac Ephron starring, Oliver Stone directed biopic about everyone's favorite athlete. A film that shows/speculates on Tebow's dark side. The drugs. The drinking. The women (oh, please, say there are 5 mothers to 4 illegitimate children, Mr. Stone).

Unfortunately, it doesn't exist. This is not a misplaced fanshot, but, rather, a retrospective look at Little Timmy's time in Denver (and his subsequent subway ride to a bigger market) that was no less loopy than his throwing motion (or his belief that he should be a star QB who IS NOT having sex with everything that moves...the shame, timothy).

Jump with we were jumping for an overthrown pass from...not naming nay names...(cough)...Tebow...(cough)...Tim Tebow. I was talking about a poorly thrown Tebow pass. Here comes another verbose exercise in reader patience.

I will get this out of the way quickly because, well, I mustn't lie in a Tebow inspired post. It would not be very Christian of me to not state that I am not much of a Christian. I'm not saying I make a habit out of breaking the Ten Commandments, but I am saying, however, if I was Bo Jackson, Bo would not do church. I think this fact must be stated because it helps me take an objective look at the man who may catch Oprah in popularity. I have no intentions of this being a blasphemous post, so if it goes there, let me know. I will either change the offensive material, or delete the post entirely. I'm not trying to open that can of worms (request: please do not say you are offended solely so I will delete my post. That wouldn't be nice).

Tim Tebow and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat

When Tim Tebow began his long climb to silence the critics and become THE SINGLE GREATEST FOOTBALL PLAYER IN THE HISTORY OF HISTORY, my excitement scale was somewhere between "arm pit fart" and "long raspberry on someone's stomach". With the exception of a need to oppose one friend who loved him at Florida and, to this day, staunchly supports Tebow, I had no reason to want him to fail. I will even admit that, besides the games against the Chiefs, I sometimes found myself mindlessly rooting for his Angels in the Outfield-eque, fourth quarter heroics. I found the absurdity of it all so enthralling, I couldn't look away. I liked Tebow like I like bad horror movies (or High School Musical).

It wasn't until 12-11-2011 that I took a side. The day The Earth Stood Still, and I chose Marion Barber over Timothy Richard Tebow. Forever. With Marion Barber retiring, I thought I should give him his props publicly.

After this game, I, hand to Don (In Scott We Trust), heard people say that Timothy Tebow was going to win the Super Bowl because God had chosen him to win the Super Bowl. That Tebow's incessant spouting of the Word, refusal to bang sluts, and clean living had earned him something better than a "get out of jail free" card. Timothy Richard Tebow had earned a "DIVINE INTERVENTION FOR ONE CALENDAR YEAR AND/OR ONE NFL SEASON" card. He was free to use it however he wanted, and he had chosen to use it on football.

aside: Tim Tebow, by all accounts is a good kid. He does a lot for charity, and I have seen a specific incident with a sick child that was somewhat awe-inspiring. This is more a state of the world/Life isn't fair satire than a personal attack on the Neo of football. I will gladly expand in the comments if there is interest.

My biggest problem with Tebowmania (and the talk of how God was rewarding him with NFL wins) was this: By saying that God had a hand in the Marion Barber fumble, you were saying that Timothy Tebow was more important to God than Marion Barber. It got me thinking just how many players thank God for their abilities and talents (or blame him for blunders). Granted, I don't know how anyone other than myself spends every hour of every day, but I can say...with 87% certainty...that not every religious man in the NFL--sans Tebow--is a shithead.

This has been my stance for a while now, but it wasn't until now that I decided to google Marion Barber's religion and find this (in case you don't's an article from after the fumble...Barber praises also states that in 2007 he named Jesus Christ as his childhood hero). So...yeah...what a heathen. Good thing God chose Tebow to smite him.


Tebow is a good kid. He's just...a crazy person. He is, basically, that middle-aged woman in your neighborhood with whom you try and avoid eye contact...because you know...she's going to corner you...and talk about Jesus. He's someone for whom you wouldn't answer the door. If Tebow came to your door, and he wasn't Tebow, you'd pretend not to be home. I watched a special where he was mic'd up for a game, he sang "my god is an awesome god" throughout the entire pre-game (and through the coin toss). I know a lot of religious people. They don't feel the desire to prove their faith every time someone is listening. It's ridiculous.

When I really think about it, Tebowmania is not only unfair to put on the shoulders of a 24 year old kid, it's unfair to every person who plays the game. In the eyes of the crazies, God had chosen Tebow to win a super bowl. For what? To offset a demonic performance of Nicki Minaj with Madonna at halftime? Solely for a bigger audience...on a Sunday? I'm sorry, but if a God was going to choose a vessel, I would rather it be a world leader, a peace bringer, or a...controversial...quarterback?

Which brings me to:

Timmy Rich Superstar alternate headline Tebow Gets Stoned (seriously, by rocks and such)

Why in the holy fuck is Tebow so controversial? Because he's religious? Because Josh McDaniels drafted him earlier than anyone expected? Because he has a loop in his mechanics? Because he won awards and a championship? Who the fuck cares? Those aren't reasons to draw a line in the sand.

Tim Tebow was a 3rd string QB last year. He leapfrogged Brady Quinn because John Elway and John Fox wanted to shut up their fanbase. I, honestly, believe they wanted another game like Detroit right out of the gate. They wanted Tebow to be embarrassed to show their intellectual superiority over their fans. The billboards could come down, the critics could sleep, and they could run their team with less interference.

For whatever reason, the team responded to Tebow. Maybe it was his willingness to lay himself out for every single yard, maybe his teammates just really like sports movies (and pretend that Tebow is Denzel giving a speech in Remember the Titans). The fact is, John Elway's diabolical plan exploded in his face. Why else would Elway have been so quick to vehemently distance himself from Tebowtime after every win? It doesn't make sense.

What Tim Tebow did was essentially the same as what TJ Yates did for the Texans. A 3rd string, project QB came in, won some games, AND won a playoff game. When Yates did it, it was a decent story about an injury plagued team overcoming adversity. When Tebow did it, it was a fucking war. I don't understand it. Just because he was an outspoken Christian...Ponder/Ryan Tannehill-esque first round reach? That's not his fault.

I didn't want Tebow to come here, but, to be fair, we had already signed Quinn and said "nuh uh" to Palko returning. I can, with wholehearted sincerity, say that I would rather have Tim Tebow as a #2 (testament to potential...or poop joke? you be the judge) than see Palko ever wear Tyler Thigpen's jersey again.

If there's one thing about Tebowmania/Peytonpalooza/TebowThyme (off-SEASON of change? a work in progress. Elway traded him before I could name the Peyton fallout), I've seen some highlights of Tim Tebow. I've seen every single good throw he's made--all 12. He may be a TE/FB with a QB's number and the mechanics of a right handed, 12 year old girl throwing left handed, but...with pass protection, the dude can chuck the rock with a tight, pretty spiral downfield. He was projected to go later in the draft. To be a project. He got screwed. As much as I don't wish him success, I wish he would have been traded to sit behind Aaron Rodgers to marinate for a little bit. To work on his timing. His mechanics. He should have been sent somewhere he could develop, as a project. Instead, he gets dropped into PT "Rex" Barnum's 3 Ring Shit Circus.

Tebow going to the Jets is bad for Tebow. It's bad for Sanchez. It's bad for Rex Ryan. It's bad for the fans. Tebow is once again being lauded as the savior...of a murky QB situation. I predict that just as reaching for Tebow in the draft played a hand in getting McDaniels fired in Denver, Rex Ryan has jeopardized his future in acquiring Tebow via trade. The Jets took a leap of faith with Mark Sanchez when they were denied Peyton privileges and decided to lock up their TWO TIME AFC CHAMPIONSHIP leading QB, only to negate that leap by going out of their way to acquire the consolation prize in the Peyton Manning sweepstake.

Now the Jets find themselves with one young QB with all of the skills and none of the confidence, and another young QB with all of the confidence and none of the skills. SNAFU in NY.

Now is the time in the post where I try to tie this all in to the current state of the Chiefs to make sense of my commentary being a post on this blog.

1) I believe in where Scott Pioli is taking this team. Anytime that I have doubted him, he has come through in spades. Even when I don't agree with the moves he is making (or the lengths of certain contracts), there is always a logical explanation. That goes a long way with me. Teams like the Jets, Cowboys, Raiders, etc seem to always go all out to get the talent, but shoot themselves in the foot in the process. I prefer "the process".

2) THERE IS NO REASON to reach for someone like Tannehill in the first round. All it would do is bring in another QB with questions into a backfield that is already filled with...QBs with questions. The first bullshit 148 yard, 0 TD, 2 INT game that Cassel has will bring about "START TANNEHILL" rants. All we would be doing is putting in another project QB before he is ready who would be, once again, leapfrogging Brady Quinn for no good reason. Besides the fact that we would, literally, NEVER get to see what Stanzi could do. Never ever. I have seen nothing that makes me think Tannehill is any more of a sure thing than Stanzi. The only difference is that we only had to use a 5th round pick for a similar talent (see wait and see's optimistic post). Oh, and Stanzi already has some familiarity with the team and environment. Obviously, if we could get an Andrew Luck/RG3 sort of talent...different story.

3) A large percentage of Chiefs are religious in some way. My quest for a super bowl makes me hope that, if there is a God, he doesn't ACTUALLY like Timothy Richard Tebow more than any hardworking, dedicated players anywhere else.

4) Tim Tebow was born in the Philippines. You expect me to believe that God would love Tim Tebow more than he loves Ricki Stanzi? Everyone knows that God and Ricki Stanzi love America most.


I'm obviously stretching to make this an Arrowhead Pride post, but I wanted to give us something to discuss because, well, I have limited places to write such pieces AND I respect a lot of your opinions.

Also, welcome back, Skitzo.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Arrowhead Pride's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Arrowhead Pride writers or editors.

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