Jovan Belcher, and not knowing how to feel after a tragedy

Jamie Squire

Working through my emotions on the tragedy at Arrowhead.

This is a hard day to be a Chiefs fan. I'm not talking about the 1-10 record. I'm not talking about the offense, the defense, or anything to do with an actual football game. When you're a fan of the Chiefs, or any sports team, you feel connected to them. You are connected to them. When they celebrate, you celebrate. When they hurt, you hurt.

That's how I feel today, reacting to the news that Jovan Belcher killed himself shortly after killing his girlfriend.

Really, though, I don't know how to feel right now.

I'm incredibly sad that Kasandra Perkins, the 22-year old victim, is dead. I'm sad that she won't get to have the same opportunities that I did in my 20s. I got married, bought a house and adopted my two dogs in my 20s, the best years of my life. She won't get that chance to one day say her 20s were the best years of her life.

I'm sad that Jovan Belcher, the Chiefs starting linebacker, is dead. If unbelievable weren't so overused then that's what I would be saying. When I heard the news, it's like I couldn't process it. I was in shock, I am in shock. It still seems so ... surreal.

I'm pissed off that he's responsible for a young daughter growing up without parents. This is an event that will be off the front page of the newspapers within a few days, or a few weeks, but that little kid will never have her parents. I'm a grown man and I still need my parents. That three-month old child is who I keep coming back to. I couldn't even imagine, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

But let's remember that we will get through this together. We're all Chiefs fans. Some of us signed up for it, others were born into it. But we're all one Chiefs family. We hang together, especially in times like this.

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