I have taken it upon my own person to cross the divide and ruthlessly invade AP from my comfy confines at ArrowheadAddict.com this evening for one precious purpose: to bring Joel Thorman to justice.
I have fought the good fight before. I am not shy about standing up for what's right in the face of unmitigated evil. And I will not stand idly by and let this man -- nay, creature -- sully this franchise even indirectly with his crazed antics, like what he pulled on innocent everyman Andy Brown.
For too long have we allowed this man to sit atop the Chiefs blogosphere, where he reigns like an indifferent emperor over the lives of many, his every whim sending Chiefs Kingdom into turmoil. His ill-fitted crown weighs heavy on his sullen forehead until the day that we, The Good People Who Never Do Mean Things, smack it off his unassuming cranium, sending it smashing to the ground to explode in a thousand pieces. If there ever was a "The Man" who was keeping us all down, let me assure you: Joel Thorman is that The Man.
What kind of human behavior is this, after all? Generating misery in others, in some vain attempt to increase his own self esteem? Has he been re-educated Clockwork Orange-style at one of those blogging conventions? What would Mitch Holthus say? Who does he think he is? Matt Conner?
I know the fear that sits in you, average little people who are reading this post. I can feel the quivers in your Ladies Gameday Hero II Chiefs Sweatshirt, now available off the mothership for the low low price of $59.00 plus whatever Joel thinks you have to pay in shipping. For ages, the Thorman tribe has remain unchallenged. Long have they strutted as the biggest rooster of the Chiefs blogosphere's henhouse. What have they done to deserve such deference, I ask you? Other than being really, really good at what they do -- which in my opinion is just a cop-out.
We all deserve better. I am choosing to stand up for all the little people Joel Thorman crushes under the heel of his boot, covering us in his anti-democratic fascism.
Not that I'm saying he's un-American. I'll leave that up to God and Ricky Stanzi. I'm just saying he exhibits a disdain for our way of life, and that I have never seen his birth certificate. And trust me, I've emailed him every day for three years asking for it. (I will never relent!)
You want to fight, Joel Thorman? Is that what this is all about? Because I will rain so much (virtual) punishment on you (from a remote distance at an undisclosed location). So much, that your keyboard will spontaneously combust underneathe your crooked fingertips. Did you ever go through the spanking machine in college? Or was that just me... Because this is going to be a lot like that. Only with clothes on.
I'll bring my AA posse with me, too, and we do NOT screw around. Have you seen Randy in action? It's like unleashing a Kraken. Our guy Merlin is not actually a wizard, but he's got a lot of spare time in his mother's basement to think of something. Big Matt has an authentic headdress, so that counts. And Patrick Allen is a sexual predator, which has its uses in battle. He's what you call our ace in the hole, pun intended.
We also have some guy named Lyle Graverson.
So, you ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight, Joel Thorman? Or are you starting to feel some of that Pride dribbling down your pantleg?
HAVE AT YOU