Ah, moving. Possibly the most annoying task God put on this earth. This is what I find myself in the middle of right now, as I move most of my stuff from the home I share with my family to a ridiculously tiny apartment in Minneapolis. Why? Well, it's not because my wife finally got sick of me spending all my time on AP and kicked me out (although it could still happen). It's because law school is starting soon, and we decided to have me go down there myself while leaving the family behind.
This move annoys me for several reasons. First, it means I'll be deprived of seeing my kids all week every week. Sometimes it'll be longer than that. Second, it means I won't get to see my wife. That stinks. She's hot, and it seems like a waste if I can't see her. Also, this move means I have to move (I know. Duh, right?), which always stinks. Moving is a lot of work, and I'd rather spend my time staring into space or something else equally productive. Finally, I can't really think of anyone who'd rather live in a small, non-air-conditioned apartment than a house. At least no one without serious issues (then again, some say I've got serious issues, so maybe it all makes sense now. Let's forget about that one and move on).
So why am I doing it? And what does this have to do with the Chiefs? Well, normally I'd make you say please before I'd answer that, but since you've already sacrificed at least 45 seconds of your time I'll just tell you (no need to thank me, I'm a generous guy). I'm leaving the family behind because it's what's best. It'll save us tons of money, and allow me to focus completely on school during the week. In short, it's because I believe in sucking it up and doing what you have to do to make things work.
Which brings me to the Chiefs. I'm short on time and grouchy from moving crap around, so this is going to be a differently toned post. With this move on my mind, I'm thinking a lot about sucking it up and doing what you've got to do in order to succeed. So in light of that, I'm going to name a Chief, and then say (in a short and sweet way, totally different from my normal "never say one word if you can say ten" approach) what I think that Chief needs to do for us to have a successful season this year.
Justin Houston and Andy Studebaker- Did I say I'd "name a Chief"? Well, this time, I meant two Chiefs. These two need to give us a good competition for the starting SOLB spot. For Houston, that means letting his God-given talent shine through, learning the playbook quickly, and adjusting to the speed of the game in a hurry. For Studebaker, it means being better than he's been his first couple of years. I'm not going to debate who will win out here (although my money is on Houston by midway through the year), but for us to be successful BOTH of these guys need to step up. Or else we'll have a gaping hole at SOLB (again. Sorry Mike, but you were a liability last year. Still love you though!) and our defense won't be able to take a significant stride forward.
Wow. that wasn't short and sweet at all. I can do better!
Eric Berry- Don't have a sophomore slump. How's that for short and sweet?
Kendrick Lewis- Stay on the field. You're our 2nd best safety, and it's your job this year to stop any more talk of "we need another safety!" here on AP. I know you can.
Matt Cassel- Get better. Easy, huh? Go from slightly above average to good. Please? Pretty please?
Jamaal Charles- Be yourself.
Thomas Jones- Don't wear down and become a horrible running back at the end of the year (ducks a rock thrown by Aiken). Last year my new baby averaged more yards per carry than you in the last half of the season. Pace yourself, man! If you've gotta swallow a little pride and ask for more rest, do it! If you need to lose a few pounds (which I don't know how he would, being freaking SHREDDED and everything), do it!
Entire punt return unit- Give Javier Arenas a block. Just one would be nice. Any block will do. The man breaks multiple tackles every time he touches the ball, and you guys owe it to him to give him a fighting chance.
Chris Chambers- Disappear. Oh, wait...
Casey Wiegmann- Retire. (Look, I LOVE this guy, and I don't really think Hudson will be able to step in and play at the same level right away. But Waters is probably in his last season. Think about what that means... it means we'll be putting in a new, young guy next year at LG. OK, fine, that can be handled (especially since Asamoah is a stud). But if Wiegmann waits until next year to retire, that means we'll be starting TWO young guys on the line at once. A much taller hill to climb.)
Glenn Dorsey and Tyson Jackson- Both of you improve as much this year as you did last year. Do that, and we'll have one Pro Bowl DE and one rock solid DE. Oh, and Tyson? Stay healthy. I'm begging you.
Jerrell Powe- Work your butt off and listen to every word Crennel says. The sooner you're our 2-down NT, the better off we are.
Jonathan Baldwin- Block. Really, that's it. You're enough of a freak that the pass catching stuff will take care of itself, at least in the red zone and on 3rd downs. But you want to earn respect and help our team be great? Block. Use that huge body and give us a 2nd elite blocking WR. Jamaal Charles is salivating thinking about this.
Derrick Johnson- Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT fulfill my deepest fears about you and turn back into a "talented player who can't put it all together". Seriously, I know you got paid. But please, please, please, PLEASE be the same guy you were last year.
Jovan Belcher- Learn how to play pass defense. Even a little. A tad. Just a smidge.
Brandon Flowers- Take care of those hammies, and prove to everyone that the first half of last year was no fluke. Oh, and re-sign during the season.
Brandon Carr- Pretty much the same as Flowers. Prove your consistency late last year was no fluke. And re-sign. Preferably for a discount.
Tamba Hali- Please don't kill me in my sleep. You scare me.
Brian Waters- Wait one more year to fall apart physically. I see the signs of aging. Fight it one more year. That's all we need from you.
So there you go. These players now have no excuse. Everything they need to know about what to do this year is right there. Hopefully, they suck it up and do what they've gotta do. Otherwise we may have a tough time of it this year. If every player I mentioned does? Then we're looking at something special. Did I miss anyone or anything?