A cosmic, slow-burning gut punch of a season

by choxer on Dec 26, 2011 1:41 PM CST

[From the FanPosts. This describes my feelings as well. -Joel]

I'm a noob and still getting my feet under me when it comes to the most appropriate way to share my stream-of-consciousness perspective when it shoots out of the wormholes of my brain. I posted this originally as a comment, but I think it is better shared as a fanpost. Just wanted to say that I think this place is great and thanks to all the admins who make it possible. I wish I had discovered AP a long time ago. It's sort of like a church for the afflicted. Except that Tebow isn't allowed in this church. Here's to not allowing him in the playoffs as well. Here is my experience with the most yo-yo-like of seasons I can remember (my affliction going back to 1987).

0-3. I’m covered in a pile of exploded knee ligaments. Despair. Binge drinking. There is no God.

4-3. Suck it Rivers.! Home games against the Dolphins and Broncos await! Back from the dead! All hail the Zombie Chiefs!!! Binge Drinking. There is a God.

4-5?? Double you tee eff? Next 4 games are a prison shower scene. Binge drinking. There is no Dana. Only Zuul.

4-7. We’ve been cast down with the Sodomites in Shawshank. Must rid house of alcohol. Drinking the vanilla extract. God is a golden boy QB for the Broncos. Life is pain.

5-7. Leave me alone hope. You are the tease of all teases. Jets and Packers are coming. Winter is coming. Scotch is coming.

5-8. Glug glug glug glug glug.

6-8. What’s all this then? Dolphins popping champagne? Remaining schedule lines up well? Hope, I didn’t know what I was saying. Come back. You had me at hello.

Saturday afternoon – Orton, you jackal! Suck it Tebow! Sexy Dexy! Bowe! Orton, you complete me! Driving! Kick to win it! Coming for you Tebowner! Fat man’s arm. Wrong side of 50/50. Fast man’s catch. Fat man’s leg. The Raiders no less? Darkness. Hope is not a good thing. It is not the best of things. Hope is a dangerous thing. It’s got no place here. I’ve got no place here. Chargers getting violated. Insult. Injury. Can’t breathe. Jack, Jim, Johnnie, Jose, I need you.

When I wake up in the driveway in 9 hours, perhaps perspective will come. Perhaps I will see that being alive in week 16 was virtuous in itself given our injuries and the political turmoil of the front office. Perhaps I will see that the draft brings new hope and an offseason of rehab will bring renewed commitment and discipline and maybe even a QB without bipolar tendencies. But right now I am dizzy from this cruel, unrelenting roller coaster. Right now I must get dizzier. Right now there is only the release of temporary amnesia. And I must forget, quickly. Hope, the money’s on the dresser. You did a job on us all.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Arrowhead Pride's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Arrowhead Pride writers or editors.

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Comments

I remember I recommended this comment.

When you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail.

Jamaal above all. #25 ftw.

CHIEFS WILL!

by NJChieffan16 on Dec 26, 2011 2:08 PM CST reply actions

Wow.

Not sure what else to say.

Joel, this guy needs a paid position as a front page poster.

LOVE it, choxer. Well written, funny and depressing at the same time, and it takes the emotion I’ve felt this entire season and puts it into a few paragraphs. Definitely REC’d.

Sorry for what may seem over the top praise, but this is perhaps, in my opinion, one of the best written posts I’ve ever seen here on AP.

"Well, you know, it's amazing... You think about the job Todd Haley and Scott Pioli have done with this ballclub... They're changing the culture and the environment in Kansas City. They're learning how to win, they're learning how to finish games, under that guy right there, Todd Haley."

by RockChalkChiefs on Dec 26, 2011 3:43 PM CST reply actions

Yup, hope is a double edged sword

On one edge, is orgasms, fried food with no ill-effects, and championship trophies filled with every kind of alcohol ever concocted.

On the other edge, is a carnival of evil clowns, bearded ladies, and death by cotton candy

I'm so overrated, I'm underrated.

by RememberDelaney37 on Dec 26, 2011 3:53 PM CST via mobile reply actions 1 recs

Neck-bearded ladies?

Would like to see a jump ball to Baldwin sometime in the near future....

by Hail2DaChiefs on Dec 26, 2011 10:18 PM CST via mobile up reply actions 1 recs

I must have some of this carnival...where do I get tickets?

"I’ve got to play well enough," he said, "so we can make it to the playoffs."
--Kyle Orton

by go_saleaumua on Dec 27, 2011 7:07 AM CST up reply actions

Hope

That is all I have left. Hope, love, and trust.

I hope we get better

I will always love my chiefs

And trust that Pioli will get us jump started for next season

How long should you try? Until.
- Jim Rohn

by Matt_Grbac on Dec 26, 2011 4:01 PM CST via mobile reply actions

At this point I'd much rather see the Donkeys in than the Raiders

Keep the Tebow hate seething through the talking heads. Getting to hear the old OMG a 9-7 team hosting a playoff game nonsense coupled with Tebow being the one in it is just TV gold.

Plus we get a better draft pick.

Would be super failboat captain if they both make it….

by BigRoz on Dec 26, 2011 4:01 PM CST reply actions

But Dont the Raiders get raped

if they go to the playoff due to the trade for Palmer?

We are out so I accept that, The teebows lose and we stop hearing about him.

The Faiders goto the playoffs get embarrased in the wildcard round and lose yet another year worth of picks.

Considering the Chiefs are limping into harbor right now this is the best case scenario I can think of.

Oh yea, and Phillis crys about how they are better then everyone in the AFC west yet again from his couch wildcard weekend

**Heres to 5 err 4 more years of JC!!!!**

by BDCinSA on Dec 27, 2011 8:21 AM CST up reply actions

Tipping my shot glass to ya

sounds alot like the ride I’ve been on this season, good write up, now it’s time to refill that shot glass. and rec’d.

Never argue with an Idiot...... they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
sometimes I wonder how they would do that chalk outline, if you pushed someone into a tree chipper.

by Hoochdawg on Dec 26, 2011 4:26 PM CST reply actions

As long as this organization is satisfied with "old" retread coaches and QB's, we are

all doomed to watching mediocer Chief’s football for the rest of our lives just like we have since SB IV. We’re conditioned to being thrilled over a 10-6 season and getting blown out in our first playoff game. Gosh, maybe next year, with a last place schedule we can go 9-7. That would be a great turn-a-round from what 6-10, 7-9….Wow. The biggest positive is the quality of this teams players as compared to 3 years ago. Improvement has been made but where is this team going now? Last weeks loss, at home, even with all of the Raider’s penalties, was pathetic. There is no other way to look at it. We’ve all been on a yo-yo for this year and the future doesn’t look all that bright unless we invest in a few more quality pieces and a top quality coach, and QB. At least Oakland went out and got a few key players to really help them over the hump and it was enough to beat the Chief’s.

by jcox31mc on Dec 26, 2011 4:35 PM CST reply actions

Here it comes blow out Denver this weekend go out full of hope sell tickets etc all winter etc.I've felt this way before still going to watch just not trust as much anymore.Marty had a magic in Arrowhead with the players need it back.

by sodablaster on Dec 26, 2011 4:48 PM CST up reply actions

Good read and an even better reminder of how my beer gut got out of control this year.

by ChiefsFetish on Dec 26, 2011 4:51 PM CST reply actions

Lol

Interestingly, Spike’s “Manswers” says that beer guts do not actually come from beer. They come from the fact that when we drink we have a habit of consuming fatty and greasy foods. Not sure if they’re really the final word, but thought something off topic was better than continuing to torture myself with what might have been this year…

"Yesterday is a cancelled check. Today is cash on the line. Tomorrow is a promissory note."

Hank Stram

by RockChalkChiefs on Dec 26, 2011 5:00 PM CST up reply actions

While that is definitely part of it..

Alcohol is naturally a depressant, slowing down your metabolism. If you drink enough of it, even a salad binge will be enough to get your gut started.

by misterbrain on Dec 27, 2011 8:14 AM CST up reply actions

Very nicely done

I find it ironic that Haley preached how he didnt want a yo-yo type player, yet his time here was nothing but a yo-yo…REC’D

by TheScreenName on Dec 26, 2011 5:03 PM CST reply actions

i enjoyed the piece. Sometimes these type of articles get to be too much. This was spot on.

Thunder Up! errr well whenever BBall comes back.......
I used to say "In Pioli I Trust" but now i say "Man Pioli is cheap!"
Go Chiefs!!!!!

by bouzi on Dec 26, 2011 5:07 PM CST reply actions

Is that a close up of a yo-yo?

I think I used to have one that looked like that when I was a kid.

by misterbrain on Dec 27, 2011 8:14 AM CST up reply actions

Rec'd choxer & thanks!

There is no Dana. Only Zuul.

(could’ve rec’d this for this quote alone!)

Leave me alone hope. You are the tease of all teases.

Sums it up perfectly & without excess verbiage – this post is the best summary of this year that I’ve seen…and truly captures the emotional roller coaster we’ve been on. (Except the “binge drinking” – I can’t go there, so I’ve had to endure this totally sober…required some heavy denial & distractions to divert attention.)

I'm dressin my voodoo doll in stripes every season...

by WorL4Chiefs on Dec 26, 2011 5:08 PM CST reply actions

You're a better man than I, WorL4Chiefs.

Enduring the craziness of this season – the ups and downs, the “We’re about to take the West” and the “Holy crap, we couldn’t beat a bunch of drunk hyenas” moments. I’m actually glad a few of those are a bit foggy to me.

I have the utmost respect for you that you were able to make it through this season stone cold sober – and I’m also sorry for the very clear memories you have.

"Yesterday is a cancelled check. Today is cash on the line. Tomorrow is a promissory note."

Hank Stram

by RockChalkChiefs on Dec 26, 2011 5:15 PM CST up reply actions

omg...I hope I'm not a better "man" than you since I'm a woman, but thanks anyway. LOL

Seriously, I have a huge alcohol allergy…if I drink I break out — in song, dance, fights, different cities…sober since May of 2000.

Yup…I’ve endured for nearly 12 years as a Chiefs fan…and gotten pretty good at using diversions & denial to deal with it. LOL

I'm dressin my voodoo doll in stripes every season...

by WorL4Chiefs on Dec 26, 2011 6:59 PM CST up reply actions

Me too.

Although I’m alcohol-free by choice, it still makes me wonder how nice it might be to forget a particularly horrific game in a drink-induced haze.

Oh well, hopefully this means that I don’t forget any of the good times to come.

by misterbrain on Dec 27, 2011 8:17 AM CST up reply actions

I'm one that always liked Haley and had hopes that he would be the answer. I guess

we’ll never know but he sure did do a lot of good things. He got this team in shape and playing hard for awhile. I’ll say one thing though, If the problems that Haley had were substantially caused by the front office, then we’ve just begun to see all of the problems that are coming. Why didn’t the Chief’s get Semour (sp.), or the LB that went to Miami from Phoenix, etc. We did get a couple of FA’s and Breston has been great, but it sure was not a sign of a team that wanted to win a SB. Maybe Haley kept asking for other players but was told NO, then criticized. I’m leary of management that has to keep everything so secret. Would it really hurt if we loyal fans, got an update every once in a while about how Berry and Charles were doing? Would it really hurt for us to know? I think the secrecy thing is really an example of hiding the facts from the fans or even something else. Something is not right. I’m angry at the whole circus.

by jcox31mc on Dec 26, 2011 5:20 PM CST reply actions

Agreed

I don’t mind the whole secret society if it’s actually working. But now it’s becoming lame and I wish I had a little more faith in the front office.

I’ll sit tight till preseason, but I really hope we see an effort to splash free agency. Maybe OL and TE? Safety depth?

Would like to see a jump ball to Baldwin sometime in the near future....

by Hail2DaChiefs on Dec 26, 2011 10:26 PM CST via mobile up reply actions

Of all the GOOD things Haley did

I’m not sure they outweigh the disaster that was Tyler Palko. When a QB turns the ball over 7 times in 2 games and has shown he cannot hit a receiver even on a screen, it’s time to give the rook a chance…

by AnkenyChiefsFan on Dec 31, 2011 10:39 PM CST up reply actions

Very well done, sir.

Hope, the money’s on the dresser. You did a job on us all.

Top 10 defense and another trip to the playoffs!
Tamba Hali, NFL Sack Leader, 2011

by ArrowSpread on Dec 26, 2011 5:26 PM CST reply actions

I was just getting ready to say that.........lol.

"The Hammer"

by G.L. on Dec 26, 2011 5:26 PM CST reply actions

Thanks for the post

Very enjoyable and reflective of the pain, hope and turmoil I have also gone through this season during our roller coaster ride. There is always next year!

Rod

by CalChiefsFan on Dec 26, 2011 5:29 PM CST reply actions

Perfect summary of the season

-Kool Aid drinking Cassel Believer-
Buffalo W (0-1) @Indianapolis W (3-2) Denver W (4-5) @Jets W (6-7)
@Detroit W (0-2) @Oakland L (3-3) @New England L(5-5) Green Bay L (6-8)
@San Diego L (1-2) San Diego W (4-3) Pittsburgh W (5-6) Oakland W (6-9)
Minnesota W (2-2) Miami W (4-4) @Chicago W (6-6) @Denver W

Thunder Win-Loss 2011-2012 record (52-14)
Western division champs
NBA Champs over Miami Heat

by slackator on Dec 26, 2011 5:29 PM CST reply actions

Too bad there isn't a "favorite" option

by Pacific Chief on Dec 26, 2011 5:47 PM CST reply actions 3 recs

Losing Saturday wasn't an option.

The repeated kick in the nuts that has been this season is unprecedented. I’m ready for the offseason.

by Idahochief on Dec 26, 2011 6:57 PM CST reply actions 2 recs

Is that why my nuts hurt?

"The Hammer"

by G.L. on Dec 26, 2011 7:08 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs

True Story...

I was watching the game with my wife (who is a huge Cowboys fan) and at the very end, she turned to me and said, “well ain’t that just a kick in the nuts”? I had made a previous comment in an earlier game. So my 6-year-old (also a Cowboys fan…) turns to me and asks, with a straight face, “Daddy, what are nuts?” That alone was pretty funny.

Then we went to my parents house for Christmas festivities. We were watching the Cowboys game, and after the game was over, he turns to my dad and says, “Man, they kicked our nuts!”

by misterbrain on Dec 27, 2011 9:09 AM CST up reply actions

Now, that's funny..........

"The Hammer"

by G.L. on Dec 27, 2011 7:09 PM CST up reply actions

Sweet

Loved the Ghostbusters, Pricess Bride, and Game of Thrones references.

I want Tebow to make the playoffs. The longer the Donkeys are disillusioned into thinking he’s a quarterback, the longer they will be mediocre.

I can never root for the Faiders to win anything. Ever.

by Steve The Hedge on Dec 26, 2011 7:09 PM CST reply actions

Just think about it

Tebow, Palmer, and recent Rivers(the turnover machine). This division is ours for the taking if we just don’t shit on ourselves

by KCinIL on Dec 26, 2011 9:03 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs

And history would suggest...

by SCKSChief on Dec 27, 2011 10:29 AM CST up reply actions

As much as it pains me to say,

I want the Raiders to make the playoffs, and then win a couple. Then they can get blown out in the conference championship.

I just want them to lose that 2nd first rounder instead of a 2nd rounder.

by misterbrain on Dec 27, 2011 9:11 AM CST up reply actions

How about if we crush the Broncs

and the Bolts beat the Raiders? We have the satisfaction of kicking T-Bow’s butt, and yet the Raiders STILL miss the playoffs, right?

by AnkenyChiefsFan on Dec 31, 2011 10:41 PM CST up reply actions

Nice, rec'd

Insert witty yet thought provoking phrase here.

by Fozzyboyd on Dec 26, 2011 9:24 PM CST reply actions

choxer welcome to heaven or for short ap

Great article pretty much summed up my thoughts week by week. These chiefs should come with a warning label. And a on call dr

FOUR F'S FIND UM FEEL UM FUGUM FORGET UM.

by sexassassin on Dec 26, 2011 11:14 PM CST via mobile reply actions

Hunter S. Thompson would rec this...

and so do I. Well played, Choxer. Well played.

"I’ve got to play well enough," he said, "so we can make it to the playoffs."
--Kyle Orton

by go_saleaumua on Dec 27, 2011 7:10 AM CST reply actions 1 recs

and Wickedly WREEEEEEEECKED, Sal

for the Hunter S. Thompson reference. One of a Kind. RIP, Hunter.

A Dog's Heart
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
Author Unknown
Still trying to outsmart me, aren't you, mule-skinner. You want me to think that you don't want me to go down there, but the subtle truth is you really *don't* want me to go down there!

by LocoLoboChico on Dec 27, 2011 10:40 PM CST up reply actions