What an embarrassment.
A clueless QB running around for his life. A dearly missed playmaking safety. Offensive line woes. No running game to speak of. The fan base will most definitely not be sporting their team's colors after a night like that.
I'm talking about the Pittsburgh Steelers, of course. Seriously, could you imagine watching last night's game as a fan of the black and gold? How was that game close? As the nation watched Tyler Palko rehash memories of Stoney Case vs. the Chiefs, circa 1999…oh, speaking of which…
Worst three consecutive snaps in NFL History - Tyler Palko. When your best play of a three play stretch is a fumbled snap that you're still frantically searching for come the third quarter, that's not good. Was anybody even mad after his third miscue in a row (by far the worst, I cannot even comprehend what he was trying to do on his rollout interception)? It was a three play transition from tragedy to comedy, leaving us all with no choice but to laugh.
Best question to ask anybody wearing red today - Just how bad is Rick Stanzi?!?
Lets get some...
The Best and Worst w/ His Dirkness:
Worst offense in the NFL - The Kansas City Chiefs. One touchdown in four games. One. And only two of those four games can be attributed to The Tyler Palko Experience. I could only imagine the cackles coming from Chan Gailey and Tyler Thigpen last night. Sixth grade girls basketball teams are wondering how the Chiefs aren't scoring more points. Taylor Martinez's throwing motion thinks this Chiefs offense is flawed. It's gotten so bad that The Wasted Down, Thomas Jones, was suddenly the Chiefs most potent offensive weapon of the game (narrowly edging out Steve Maneri). The fans might need to hire out The Social Assassin, Larry David, to inform Todd Haley of just how bad Palko really is (to the bone, baby). Could Stanzi really be worse? Everybody wants someone to blame, but the truth is, with output this bad, nobody is faultless (except Jackie Battle).
Worst recognition of who the team's QB is - Travis Daniels. Loved the interception, man. Loved your pregame scuffle getting me pumped for a mostly meaningless game. But dude, the team needs every interception return yard they can get. Would you believe that led to a three and out?
Best catch in NFL history - Dwayne Bowe critics' expectations. That's what it would've taken for Bowe to unseal the game ending interception. Just because Lil' Weenie Boy, Cris Collinsworth, rants and raves atop his high horse (still a good 5-7 notches below Bob Costas' last night), doesn't mean he's right. The only argument that I'd buy is that Bowe flailing his arms up might've distracted the defender from catching the ball, but the last thing a receiver wants to do right there is tip the ball into the air.
Best no show - James Harrison. He was playing right? Branden Albert deserves credit for shutting down one of the better pass rushers in the game. Count me in the camp for keeping Albert at left tackle.
Best game of the night - Jared Gaither. Good effort No. 71…
Best way to dominate defensively - Field two strong pass rushers. I can't believe I haven't discussed the stellar play of the Chiefs defense yet. That was a nice flashback to the days of Marty and the 90's. And I credit one man for the resurgence - Justin Houston. That dude was an animal last night. And in a 3-4, if you have two good rush linebackers, you'll have a good defense. The other pieces are nice, but attacking the quarterback from multiple angles is the easiest way to shut down an offense in today's NFL. With a 3-4 scheme, the outside linebacker becomes the second most important position on the entire team, and that's why Justin Houston's coming out party was the best takeaway from last night's game.
Worst halftime analysis - Rodney Harrison, who said something along the lines of "The Chiefs need to find a way to get to Big Ben, who has way too much time back there." Was he even watching the game? R-Berger was scrambling for his life from the get go. It was the single most successful phase of the Chiefs team (especially in the first half). I didn't think anything could get more disturbing then Tony Dungy's cold death stare deep into the heart of NBC's viewers, but…well yeah, Dungy is still worse.
Best defensive lineman on the team - Amon Gordon. I'm glad that the Chiefs picked him up, but what does that say about Tyson Jackson and Glenn Dorsey?
Worst sideline sighting - Kyle Orton: N'eardless. Was he so against coming to Kansas City that he shaved his trademarked neck beard?
Best beard in the NFL - Brett Kiesel. Take note, Haleys.
Worst fan chant in the NFL - HEEEEATH. Clearly Pittsburgh fans are unaware that a name has to rhyme with boo in order to chant it.
Why don't they just chant raaaape after Big Ben makes a play?
Best tackle of the night - Anthony Becht. Stuffed that Jackie Battle third down run! Rather than steamrolling his way through a penetrating defensive lineman, Becht decides to actually turn his body back towards the ball carrier to provide a twelfth defender for Battle. This led directly to Bizarro Haley's decision to kick a field goal on 4th and 2. Yada, yada, yada...Game over.
Worst problem in today's NFL - Pass interference. I can't get over how bad the call on Brandon Carr was last night. And there were two flags thrown on him! You simply cannot have 50 yard mistakes like this. It's too big of a penalty to be called so sensitively. While people are more up in arms about the hitting too hard penalties being called this year, that's only 15 yards, and actually serves a purpose of protecting players. All these pass interference penalties do is cheapen the game. It's to the point where throwing a jump ball and hoping for a flag is a legitimately effective play. If only the Chiefs had a quarterback who could throw 20 yards downfield then they could take advantage of this widespread pandemic.
Best way to solve Pass Interference - You mean other than not calling it as much? How about a minor and a major infraction. Major = spot foul. Minor = 10 yards and a first down. Mr. Goodell, do you like apples? I said do you like apples?
Best news of yesterday - The Washington Redskins won. The four teams in the same QB fraternity as the Chiefs (Redskins, Dolphins, Seahawks, Browns) went 1-3 this weekend (Colts are excluded), but perhaps the bleakest of the four, the Redskins, won their game. This means, as of right now, the Chiefs pick second of the five teams in dire needs of a quarterback in this year's NFL Draft (Miami still a game
behind ahead at 3-8) with the #8 pick overall.
Who's pumped for the Kyle Orton era baby??? Now who's more pumped for more Tyler Palko??? Yeah…
Props to everybody who went out to Arrowhead last night and withstood the cold and yelled their ass off all game long. You are the truest fans of this team and I feel you are perpetually undervalued.