So you want to see your KC Chiefs play this weekend? The problem is, just like Francois Ja Boi you ain’t got no money, you ain’t got no job, you ain’t got no credit, you ain’t got no girl. What’s a player to do? Lucky for you, we’ll have you hustling with the best of them in no time.
Today we’ll be focusing on finding tickets for your broke-ass. There are a few simple keys to finding cheap tickets to nearly any sporting event, master them and you’ll truly be an Arrowhead hustler.
Step 1 – Chill Out. I’ve seen it way too many times. Someone without a ticket shows up to the tailgate and cannot relax until they have a ticket in hand. If you can’t curb the urge to buy a ticket immediately you’re going to overpay. Listen, time is on your side. So take a step back and understand your situation. The game isn’t sold out (not always true but very likely true if it’s a Chiefs game), if push comes to shove you can go buy tickets from the ticket office. That means that people are selling tickets because they have extras not because they’re trying to make a buck. Use this to your advantage. As kickoff nears, the value of those tickets drop like a rock. After kickoff they drop even more. But don’t wait too long or people will take their extras in with them. I recommend cruising around the gates 15 minutes before kickoff should you not find a good deal earlier.
Step 2 – Let People Know You’re a Buyer. This seems obvious right? But you’d be surprised how many people think tickets are just going to fall into their lap. Walking around, fingers in the air with how many you need and you should damn near be constantly yelling some combination of “Who’s got my extra?” “Who’s got my miracle” and “You got tickets, I got cash.” Can’t stress this enough, let people know you’re looking to buy. It’s the part of scalping that most people hate because, well most people don’t like being the center of attention and your goal here is to draw attention to yourself.
Step 3 – Have Every Denomination of Cash. Again, an easy but important step. If I agree to sell you a ticket for $56 but all you have is three twenties there is no way in Hell I am making you change. Not going to happen. So you’ve got to have all your bases covered. Your bank roll should at a minimum have; a bunch of twenties, a ten, a five, and four singles. Make like a Boy Scout and be prepared for any dollar amount you settle on.
Step 4 – Don’t Make the First Offer. Basic negotiation tactic here but it’s important. Only one phrase you need to know, “What you asking?” Now some seasoned hustlers are going to try and flip that back at you with something along the lines of, “What are you looking to spend?” Be prepared for this either by having a ridiculously low number in mind, or by reverting to our go to phrase, “What you asking?”
Step 5 – Negotiate. Again, some people hate negotiating. Why this is is beyond me. I love it and try to haggle damn near everyone, within reason, down at least 10%. Unless someone offers you a ticket in exchange for a beer (as seen last year), talk them down. The worst thing that can happen is the guy says no.
Step 6 – Be Prepared to Walk Away. Again, this should be obvious. Some people think they’re going to get face value for their extra tickets. These people are delusional. You want to look like a veteran hustler so if someone asks for face, scoff, tell them good luck, and let them know that if they actually want to sell the ticket you can be found right where you are. You’d be surprised how many times the dude will come back 20 minutes later and accept your offer. Most likely his wife told him to sell the ticket and he can’t enjoy his tailgate until he gets rid of it. Then again there are people who can simply not accept the thought of losing money on a ticket, will wait and wait trying to get face value only to end up going into the game, extra in pocket, and getting nothing for it. These people are idiots and you wouldn’t want to sit next to them anyway.
There you have it. Follow these six simple steps and you’ll be coming up with $10 tickets in no time. And remember, if you're not hustling you're getting hustled.