FanPost

Your Preseason Gameday OFFICIAL ARROWHEAD PRIDE PARADEBULATION

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Ahh, preseason games - the nerf war of contact sports - just fun enough to get excited about until it goes on for a little bit and you realize how boring it's going to get.

Dear readers, we've missed you, and we'll fight the urge to hug you in our arms like a small child just long enough to get you PARADEBULATED up for this first preseason game.

Sadly, we don't have much time, the Falcons just aren't very hateable, and it's tougher and tougher to get an original interweb meme these days, so you might have to settle for just straight football analysis and stupid pictures.

Well, everybody is just so happy right now it makes us sick.  I guess that's good though, power of positive-thinking and all, but this is Kansas City.  We flinch when someone says "win."  Battered-Royals-Fan Syndrome should be an accepted medical and legal definition at this point.

These are the days when it looks like our ole' Chiefs have gotten back on the wagon for good.  They're attending meetings, making smart draft moves, going to job interviews, their deadbeat friend moved to Cinci and then off to DC, they're staying closer to home, are having a good camp and the demons seem to be dissipating.

But you know what, tonight's the first time the court-ordered monitoring anklets come off and it's Friday night and Lohan is blowing up their cell.  "Don't worry baby, I'm just going to stay in with these rookies and new coaches and play scrabble with the kittens."

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Coach Crennel is not worried about our run defense.

Things are about to feel a lot more real or start to turn south very soon now.  Everything is candycanes and rainbows for every team until that first preseason game.  Marty was right about the results not mattering, what does matter is whether you get that uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach by the second quarter.

So we sit, optimism deferred.

 

SOME RANDOMLY NUMERICALLY LISTED FOOTBALL OBSERVATIONS IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR COLUMN!:

(aka I CANHAZESPNJOBPLEEZ?)

√14. ) The Run Defense.  Great unwritten J.D. Salinger title, and equally inscrutable with regard to the Chiefs.  Let's go ahead and leave that alone.  {ed. note: we are leaving this alone but every fan has some player they inexplicably hate or had an isolated instant of watching engage in total suck, for us this is ronedwardsronedwardsronedwards, we're chalking this up to subjective bias and stick to saying nothing, GOOD LUCK RON PROVE US WRONG!}<!--EndFragment-->

IV.)  DWAYNEBOWEDWAYNEBOWETOYBOATDWAYNEBOWE:  Is this a make or break year for Bowe?  Maybe someone should make a survey, maybe someone already has, maybe nobody answered.  Point is, yes, ...sorta.  Our completely biased pro-Chiefs gut feeling is he could be a top receiver in the league.  Our unbiased opinion is that he is a good receiver and undeniably at the very least a #2 with the potential to be a #1 on a great team if he has his act together.  We don't care about the "importing comment," we barely care about the PED suspension, but the hands THE HANDS.  MUST CATCH BALL [PERIOD (US), FULL STOP (UK)] THEN ... DO FANCY STUFF.

IV §a.2). Chris Chambers seems to be the real deal but we wouldn't not be shocked by a meltdown at all.  Anyone who can get this quote's context "HEY STALKERS NEED LOVIN TOO!" is awesome.  God bless you Johnny Ringo wherever you are.

Q.) "Duster" ... we invented this nickname.  We have the text message records to prove it.  It's the best nickname, why?  Here's why:

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Lemon-lime, Tasty

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Which is key to implementing the D.E.N.N.I.S. system, which if any of you still have doubts as to it's effectiveness:

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Somehow we doubt the waitress beats out Joan Holloway.  Alt. Caption 1: Hey Dwayne, screw the imports, BUY AMERICAN.  Alt. Caption 2: Christina Hendricks Christina Hendricks Christina Hendricks (you're welcome JOEL).

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We'd show what that's attached to, but we're not into gratuitous cheap T&A like that, some of us have standards...

Anyway, we bet Duster gets some returns and maybe a couple of relative safe slot routes.  Although with Haley and Weis you never know, they could try to bust a jailbreak with McCluster or Charles for fun.  Our take: jury's out on Duster until in a regular season game he gets Merriman'd across the middle, if he pops back up... get excited.

∞.) Cassel Greyskull: Yeah, you know he can come out and do just meh by us.  We think he's good, we think for the situation he got dealt last year he did just fine, and you know we think he has what it takes to win a Super Bowl whether it would be "with" or "because" remains to be seen, but a lot of other stuff on this team has to happen first.

 

A STUPID OFFENSIVE PICTURE REGARDING THE OTHER TEAM:

In past years I think we all know where this would have gone, and for the sake of dog lovers it's probably a good thing we have a kinder gentler more mainstream AP.  That said...

DO THE DIRRRTY BIRD Y'ALL:

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hoody hoo, indeed.

 

NOW, Something stupid (NSFW language, particularly if you work for Germans):

Ed. Update: Picky bunch of bastardini aren't you?

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No caption necessary

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Arrowhead Pride's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Arrowhead Pride writers or editors.

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