You're on Notice

 Aaaaah the offseason. Not much to say, even less to debate, so I’m going to get on my soapbox and start ranting. I’m taking a page out of Stephen Colberts book and I’m putting together my list of things that are on notice….For those that are unfamiliar with Stephen Colbert’s "On Notice", it is basically the greatest Risks to America…in my example, I guess I’ll use Canada. Eh?

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1. The "Right 53"

Number one on my new list of things that Grind My Gears. I don’t so much hate the fundamental meaning of it so much, I just hate how often it is thrown around. I don’t know the complete history of "The Right 53" or when it started but I believe one time Scott Pioli mentioned that when he was going to create his version of the Kansas City Chiefs he wasn’t going to pick the most talented 53 players, he wanted to pick the Right 53. And with that we got the most overused term in the history of Arrowhead Pride the Internet. I am not a football General Manager and I am generally a huge jackass so obviously I will never know why he said that but I think he was taking shots at General Managers that create teams like Fantasy Football teams simply taking the highest price players at each position. He wants players who play well together, are good leaders and have a High Football IQ. Obviously that struck a nerve on our Blog because every single stinking time there is an available Free Agent or Draft pick, someone inevitably says "He was captain of his Junior High Lacrosse Team…he’s the Right 53" or "He had a speeding ticket when he was 17…he’s not "The right 53".

One that stuck out for me was the guy who the Chiefs were looking for in the supplemental draft. "The right 53" was thrown around like feces in a monkey convention. The kid was thrown out of a Mormon School for having Premarital Sex. WOOOOPIDY FREAKING DOOOO. Can he run? Is he talented? Will he help us win Football games? If those answers are yes, draft the guy. Oh wait…he had sex when he was 17?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2. Twitter.

 
I signed up to Twitter about a month back, mostly because I like the streaming updates of my favourite sports writers, athletes and friends.  I’m starting to think that this was a mistake. I’m 31 so I’m past the age that I feel the need to believe the athletes are some kind of God or Superhero. They are just like me but are much MUCH better at football. However I don’t generally like what I see on twitter, it really makes them sound like unintelligent boobs. (and I’m not even going to touch on the whole LJ Tweetgate fiasco)

Whit brit hedi samamtha yall on that fburg shit!!!!!!!! Im going kill yall!!!!!!

Standing in vip a 150 deep jewelry all over me!!!

Top three rappers ross jezzy gucci!!

These are just some of the recent Tweets from our Franchise LT. I don’t know, I’m not looking for Stephen Hawking to be on our Oline (for obvious reasons) but what the hell language is he speaking? I’m certain our entire secondary speaks in tongues from their Twitter pages. Don’t we want our athletes to be role models for our children? I sure as hell don’t. What did you learn in school today Johnny? "shiiiit foooo, nuttin’ up dizzle lol". I know I’m just a lame white guy who doesn’t understand hip hop culture, but I don’t understand why sounding like a mumbling idiot is something that should be revered, admired or taught. Tony Gonzalez is also always blabbing about being a vegan. Shut up and eat a steak…at least his vegan blathering are coherent.  Hell, when Snookie from Jersey Shore tweets more eloquently than half our team, maybe that’s why we’ve won 10 games in 3 years.

3. Homers.

Another thing that has been driving me a bit loopy as of late. This is a Chiefs blog for Chiefs fans and the optimism is running at an all time high which is VERY exciting for Chiefs fans. But come on. The Chiefs have won 10 games in the last 3 years which means that historically we have been a bad football team. The national media isn’t going to give the Chiefs any credit because as of late, they don’t deserve any. Why is a columnist an idiot because he thinks the Chiefs are a bottom 5 team? We probably ARE a bottom 5 team but if we want them to shut their East Coast Biased asses, then let’s start winning some freaking games before we gloss them idiots. This was especially frustrating around the draft time. There is 2 draft analysts. One loves the Chiefs picks, that guy is obviously a genius and knows his shit. The other one doesn’t like them and thinks the picks were reached and the Chiefs didn’t address certain key areas…"that guy is an idiot, and who cares what these talking heads think anyway?!?!" This is a blog to discuss the Chiefs and it seems like as soon as someone says something the least bit discouraging about the Chiefs, 921 people jump down their throat.

Poster #1:

"Brandon Carr struggled mightily last year. He better play better this year or I think his position will have to be upgraded"

Subsequent replies:

ZOMG NO HE DIDN’T!!!!!11

THE CHIEFS HAVE THE BEST SECONDARY IN THE LEAGUEEE!!!1

TROLL!!!!!!111

Being a fan (IMO) doesn’t mean you can’t question the management’s moves without being called a troll or a bad fan…hell that’s what makes being a fan so much fun. I don’t believe Pioli is beyond reproach and if someone questions his moves, please don’t call him a bad fan or a troll. And for the love of God, please don’t go over to other SBNation sites every time someone says something the least bit discouraging about the Chiefs and feel the need to fill up their boards with "MATT CASSEL IS THA BEST QB EVAHHHH" comments, it just makes us look like uneducated homers.

4. Justin Bieber

Ohhhh Canada :( Why do our musicians that turn huge in the mainstream media have to just awful? How is this little douchenozzle the biggest thing to hit the music industry since the Beatles? He’s 12, he’s a horrible singer, he has awful hair, and his songs are awful. Yet he’s huge and if he released a single of him reading the Calgary phonebook, it would probably go to #1. What the hell is the matter to people? GO TO HELL JUSTIN BIEBER. Speaking of Hell, I’m pretty sure that hell is a place that has an endless loop of Justin Bieber songs along with the last 2 minutes of the KC/SD game from 2009.

5. Grizzly Bears

 
Bears are soulless, godless, rampaging killing machines. They are on the list of things that will kill you. They are Satan's minions and the TRUE symbol of evil. Once believed to be the work of dragons, Bears (like purple donkeys) enjoy running around the woods molesting and raping innocent people and squids. For years now, ravenous bears have had free reign to use our woods as their personal latrine, protected by their "endangered" status. Now the government is wisely considering ending the grizzlies' special treatment in order to protect our honey jars and Paddington Station. Bears' strong vitality and resilience makes them one of mother nature's nearly unkillable animals. A bear has never been downed by any less than five gunshots. Combinations of high explosives, assault weapons, and trebuchets have been known to only piss the bear off. Why can man-kind put a man on the moon, but not invent a weapon that can take down the Grizzly?

6. Money

Ahhhh Money, the root of all evils. With this upcoming labour issue, I honestly don’t know who to blame more, the owners or the players? The NFL is an approximately $1,000,000,000,000,000,000 per year industry and yet they are both still squabbling over their piece of the pie when the consumer and fans are getting collectively being bent over. It’s not only just the labour issue, it’s the way these asshole divas are constantly bitching about their contracts. We have a $100MM DT who is not showing up to mandatory team activities because he doesn’t like the scheme, we have DB’s holding out plays because he wants a new contract simply to be the highest paid DB. We have WR’s squabbling about wanting a new contract when he has 3 years left on his and an overrated RB wanting $30-$40MM guaranteed money for a position which can be filled with a 7th round or UDFA easily enough. As a fan, enough is enough. It sickens me at one of the most uncertain times in our your economy when there is close to 10% unemployment that these guys are complaining about money, like they would ever go hungry. I realize that they are always a hit away from being their last play, but that’s the risk they took for being a football player and making so much money. If you don’t want to take any personal risk, get your degree in accounting and make $60K a year like the rest of us shmucks. Oh wait, you can’t read? (see: Twitter rant) maybe you can go paint houses. If you don’t want to do this, shut your overpaid pie hole and collect your game cheques which are more than any of us can dream about making in a year.

7. Signatures.

 This is one I've been ranting on for quite some time. Now that there is approximately for gajillion members of Arrowhead Pride, the threads get quite busy, especially with the onset of a very disturbing trend started by The Most Interesting Man in the World. The Redonkulosignature. These signatures slow down the threads, make them hard to follow and are very annoying. If you comment 24 times in a thread we don't need to see your predictions 24 times, your mock drafts 24 times or your @funny@ Eric Berry/Chuck Norris joke 24 times. If you want to make predictions or mock drafts, stick them in your profile. I can't mandate this since despite my many efforts to the Brothers Thorman, I am not a Blog Manager, but I believe signature lines should be limited to 2 or 3 lines at the most.

Just an afterthought, I'd say UC went 2 for 9 on his predictions, but I digress.

 8. Blog "Tough Guys"

The last one would be Blog Tough Guys. These are the guys who sit behind the computer and suddenly turn 6 foot 8 and 350 lbs of muscle. I’m not going to throw the first stone as I’m sure that in certain heated debates (Re: Mr. Favre or Mr. Tebow) I’ve been less than eloquent in my arguments but what I don't like is how easily someone can call a complete stranger a Bleeping Idiot because they are sitting behind a computer. Would you call someone an idiot to their face if you were sitting in their living room? If not, leave it off AP. We all Pride ourselves in the quality of our information and that our members are the most knowledgeable bloggers in the land, but then as soon as a disagreement starts, someone is called a 4 letter word or their intelligence is questioned. CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG!?!?!?!

Now I'm done.