TOXIC ALERT: Fears over Clouds and Chemicals after #5 overall pick.
10:30am Tuesday 27th April 2010
This is a Health Alert for all concerned members of AP that are posting east of the main page, north of the Fan Shot, and south of the "Welcome to SB Nation" sign. There is a potential toxic odorous smell that may be emanating from Casey Fanz that is being investigated by Arrowhead Pride officials.
In a new report commissioned by the FRGD (Farting Relieves Gastric Distress) improper blogging etiquette by Casey Fanz has been identified as being the leading contributor to fart potency.
Failure to respect blogging etiquette has been found to contribute to the 'thickness' of a fart more than beer, cauliflower, or baked beans.
It appears that Casey Fanz striking a sarcastic tone in a blog produces no more potent a fart than your basic reply. Also, satire appears to have little influence on the intensity and texture of the fart. However, personal attacks, degrading comments, and a basic disregard for common ground has been discovered to produce a particularly pungent fart with a high viscosity that is potentially corrosive .
The incubation period for this newly discovered Ebola Fart ranges from 10-30 minutes, post blogging encounter. The Illness is characterized by a headache, muscle tension, and a rapid expulsion of toxic gas via chapped orifices.
The successful expulsion of a particularly pungent Ebola Fart can cause nose hairs to curl, paint to chip, hamsters to die suddenly, rooms to clear, vegetation to yellow, underwear to become discolored, and AP readers to be generally turned off.
A witness to a past episode explained:
It's like the air is soiled.
Extreme caution is recommended. Some rumors have suggested that the Ebola Fart, brought on by improper blogging etiquette, may be able to penetrate the internet and can possibly seep out of a blogger's computer speakers.
Chris and Joel, AP managers, have been working feverishly to implement any suggestions by the FRGD.
We've just been trying to keep the air moving - Joel Thorman
A private engineer hired by SB Nation to test styrene air levels said the situation borders on a natural disaster.
Generally, people just light a match and the smell would be chemically altered. But in this case, exposing a flame to the Ebola Fart may cause an explosive reaction.
It smells like shit.
This is a serious situation, however, AP is optimistic that the underlying conditions can be resolved.
The authorities at AP will keep you informed through posts and emails. If you have any information, concerns or gastric health issues regarding this situation, please use the red flag feature.
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