Missouri Resident A.P. Fanz has been diagnosed with Mock Draft Orgasmic Disorder, according to a memo sent Wednesday to the office of SB Nation. This disorder is characterized by a delay or absence of climax following the normal excitement of reading or creating a mock draft.
This disorder often manifests itself by recurrent obsessions or compulsions to read and create endless mock draft scenarios, which are severe enough to interfere with general blogging activity. These obsessions or compulsions, however, never satisfy the patient to the point of orgasm.
A.P. Fanz has been referred to a therapist to undergo an experimental behavior modification. According to the therapist...
...a protocol has be developed that focuses on self-control and release.
Therapists caution patients who try to seek unqualified professionals to address these self-control and release issues.
...attempting to tamper with either of them may produce confusion, disorientation, or permanent loss of orgasmic sensation in any endeavor. (that would be a bitch)
A.P. Fanz has missed the last two days due to testing for the Mock Draft Disorder more commonly known as "shooting blanks". He was last seen posting mock draft version 245.1.a.3 in which no productive difference was seen from his previous mock.
This disorder is highly contagious and can affect several different members at once. It is recommended that all members at AP Nation be tested by their physician or personal care aide. If you have any two of the symptoms below, please contact your doctor immediately.
- You create an avatar in the likeness of your favorite draftee. (extreme caution is recommended)
- Patient starts playing Madden to see what trades he/she can make. (Not looking good)
- Arranging your alphabet cereal in the draft order of NFL teams. (You're becoming obsessed)
- Start listening to songs like 'A Boy Named Sue' because it has the name of your favorite draft prospect. (You got it)
- Start seeing impressions of Rolando McClain in things like your stool, toast, or your wife's cellulite. (You're in the Schizophrenic stage)
- Have your wife read your latest mock out loud during intercourse. (You're one sick bastard)
If you have experienced any two of the above symptoms you may need a special elixir that can only be acquired through your physician or Bewsaf Distributing Corp.
Send $10 to:
143 Snake Oil Drive
Ripp Oheff, Missouri 95762
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