Arrowhead Stadium APB - Bewsaf Wanted Dead or Alive (satire)


Bewsaf 2010
Bewsaf  1969






On February 27, 2010 in a Arrowhead security crackdown Bewsaf was discovered hiding in a laundry cart filled with football players jockstraps at the Kansas City Chiefs locker room.  He was chased without incident by numerous offensive lineman to a location only a few miles from the Klinesmith Insane Asylum he escaped from in July, 2009.  His location is not currently known.


Bewsaf, captured by Arrowhead cameras in his laundry cart disguise (via, was heard yelling as he fled, "...the game is won in the trenches...the game is won in the trenches..."

Unnamed source, "I think the guy had been drinking too much Kool-aid."

No one really knows where Bewsaf has been living since the start of the 2009 season.  Some reports have surfaced that place him in various locations such as Arrowhead in the late hours, in a tree house a few hundred yards from one of the Thurman brothers residence, and in the woods outside many current players homes.

The Thurman brothers have continued to deny any connection to Bewsaf and claim they don't really know the guy.

...he always appeared to be a desperate fool at the end of his pitiful rope...

The brothers continue to be under investigation by the KCC (the security arm of Arrowhead and the political enforcement muscle for Scott Pioli) for their connection to the suspect.

To those affiliated with the Chiefs the information is not breaking news.  It is well known that the Chiefs organization has increased the security at Arrowhead and attempted to plug any leaks that might emanate from within it's walls.  Several fans, however, have been unaware of the details about the atrocities against readers claimed by the KCC and the current man hunt for Bewsaf.

In a recent spree of posts by the madman, Bewsaf butchered eight news worthy opportunities this past month.  Of those eight, our own Charlie Brown's name was smeared in a brutal, pre-meditated, journalistic cluster f*#!.

Scott Pioli, "I think that the capture of Bewsaf is important for the Kansas City Chiefs security and those involved in legitimate news endeavors.



Bewsaf is sought in the connection with satirizing NFL figures in which the victim

was depicted in a questionable light.  Consider armed and extremely dangerous. 

In a bizarre twist, collegiate offensive lineman across the nation have been reporting interviews with a journalist claiming to be from Kansas City.  One victim, Russell Okung, is just glad the ordeal is over.

 "...he said he was an ambassador from Chiefs he left he said you're #5, baby."

It is not clear what the quote means nor is it clear whether these instances and the Bewsaf case is connected.  But there have been numerous other vicious media impersonations on our collegiate lineman in the past month.

Bryan Bulaga, "He asked me if I could cure PMS".

Trent Williams, "He wanted to know if I could catch the f*#@!^& ball if the team asked me to go out on a pass."

Anthony Davis, "He wanted to know if I ever kept my head up my ass after the special teams snap and let a 285 pound man jump over me and block the f*#^!^& kick in college...yea...he said f*#^!^&."

For these future NFL lineman this is a lesson in the trappings of the unlicensed pen (or keyboard) that they will learn soon enough. For the unsuspecting fan the horrors could be devastating.  Mr. Pioli warns that fans can consider themselves lucky enough to escape a Bewsaf article alive but suffer only severe, life-long, debilitating mental trauma.    It cannot be estimated how many deliberate attacks on our unsuspecting fans will occur during the upcoming months.


If you have any information that might lead to the capture of this person please notify the Kansas City Chiefs Internal Division Headquarters or the nearest KCC agent.



Help bring this impostor to justice (photo curtsy





Past Bewsaf posts:

Research Articles Satire Humor Player Evaluation

*We Have Met the Enemy and He is Us

*Historical Draft Reactions of Three Floundering Teams - A Chiefs Perspective

*Should Floundering Teams Shoot the Moon for a Franchise QB?

*Is Taking a QB in Rounds 2-4 the Answer?

*KC Fans Split on Selection of Team's Nerd (satire)

*Doctor Diagnoses Casey Fanz with Bipolar Disorder (satire)

*More Reports Saying Brown to Raiders Deal is Done

*A Chiefs Fan Obituary

*A Chiefs Dear John  (rated R)

*The Kansas City Chiefs are Taking Applications

*A Fans Letter to Clark Hunt (venting humor)

*Mr. Pioli...Your Team May Have Given Me PMS (venting humor)

*My Multiple Personalitys and Their Letter to Arrowhead Pride (A Shamless Attempt at the Rec.)

*What You Look For in an NFL Offensive Lineman - The Basics

*If You Can't Beat Them...Zone Them

*Breaking Down the O-Line - Season Review

*Breaking Down the Chiefs and Broncos Tape - O-Line


This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Arrowhead Pride's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Arrowhead Pride writers or editors.

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