Scott Pioli: [to Scout] Now that brain that you gave me. Was it Ray Nitschke's?
Scout: [pause, then] No.
Scott Pioli: Ah! Very good. Would you mind telling me whose brain I DID put in?
Scout: Then you won't be angry?
Scott Pioli: I will NOT be angry.
Scout: Abby Someone.
Scott Pioli: [pause, then] Abby Someone. Abby who?
Scout: Abby Normal.
Scott Pioli: [pause, then] Abby Normal?
Scout: I'm almost sure that was the name.
Scott Pioli: [chuckles, then] Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA?
[grabs Scout and starts throttling him]
Scott Pioli: Is that what you're telling me?
Scott Pioli: How can I create the perfect NFL Team with Abby Normal?
I got a 4-3 DT that is going to play a 3-4 DE
I got a 4-3 DE that is going to play a 3-4 OLB
I got a 4-3 OLB that is going to play a 3-4 ILB
and I got NO backups?
Scott Pioli: [dreaming] I am not a Bill Belichick. I'm Scott Pioli. Don't give me that. I don't believe in fate. And I won't say it.
Scott Pioli: All right, you win. You win. I give. I'll say it. I'll say it. I'll say it. DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME! DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME!
I will build a Defensive line and an Offensive line, I will get a QB and playmakers to surround him. I will gather extra-ordinary coaches to train them and a Fanatical fan base to support them. I will Build a Monster in Kansas City.
Haley: Scott Pioli...
Scott Pioli: "PI oli."
Haley: You're putting me on.
Scott Pioli: No, it's pronounced "Pie oli."
Haley: Do you also say "peeoli"?
Scott Pioli: No... "Scott."
Haley: Well, why isn't it "Scott Peeoli"?
Scott Pioli: It isn't; it's "Scott Pie oli."
Haley: I see.
Scott Pioli: You must be Haley.
[He pronounces it Hal ee]
Haley: No, it's pronounced "Hay ley."
Scott Pioli: But they told me it was "Hal ee."
Haley: Well, they were wrong then, weren't they?
I can't see a good ending here :)
Scott Pioli: For the experiment to be a success, all of the body parts must be enlarged.
Weis: His veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.
Scott Pioli: Exactly.
Weis: He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker.
Scott Pioli: That goes without saying.
Haley: The Chiefs are going to be very popular.
Who knows what Scott Pioli is building in the bowels of the New Arrowhead stadium?
Scott Pioli: Love is the only thing that can save this poor creature, and I am going to convince him that he is loved even at the cost of my own life. No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything I have worked for. Do you understand? Do not open this door.
Weis: Yes, Scott.
Haley: Nice working with ya.
[Scott Pioli goes into the room with The Monster. The Monster wakes up]
Scott Pioli: Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What's the matter with you people? I was joking! Don't you know a joke when you hear one? HA-HA-HA-HA. Jesus Christ, get me out of here! Open this goddamn door or I'll kick your rotten heads in! Mommy!
Scott Pioli: For what we are about to see next, we must enter quietly into the realm of genius.
Let us unleash the Monster on the Chargers Sunday, Let us close the door on the Chargers AFC West run and start our own!