I have never been a big conspiracy nut; Far from it. In fact, I can assure you that there was nothing mysterious about the passing of Marylin Monroe; There was never a shot fired from the Grassy Knoll; And,There has never been any secret UFO Projects out in the deserts of Nevada.  Because, what has been going on at Area 51 are Secret Government Cloning, DNA and Gene Splicing Experiments. 

  They first started duplicating talented entertainment personalities years ago. They began with Elvis. How do I know? I saw him. I saw the others also. Elvis never left us. His Clones are alive and well in Las Vegas parking cars at MGM Grand, performing marriages at a wedding chapel and working at a car wash in Henderson.  You scoff?....You doubt?  Well then,... how else can you explain the two Elvis Stamps?

  After running out of talented entertainers they moved on to athletes. (See Peyton Manning and Tom Brady.)  When the Government Program began to suffer from budget cuts, the projects were taken over by interested parties in the NFL.

  Tom Brady, you see, came to the NFL as a very ordinary athlete.

  Several years of ultra-secret Medical Procedures, Cloning and Gene Splicing produced what we see on the field today as Tom Brady. In other words, Peyton Manning.... but without the Robotics and Electronic Brain. The early procedures that resulted in Manning and Brady were hugely successful; However, when they first attempted to apply the same techniques to Brody Croyle it became evident that something had gone horribly, horribly wrong. This is about the time that "Dr. Scott Piolistein" showed up from Foxboro, Mass.... You see.... "Piolistein" was very familiar with the "Brady Experiment". "Piolistein" was eventually joined deep in the bowels of Arrowhead Stadium by his faithfull man-servant Charley "Igor" Weis. Along with scruffy Todd Haley (He who looks like the Groundskeeper but who is really a brilliant Lab Assistant.) They had a goal in mind of fixing the QB. The cover story was that they were to work on Matt Cassel; But, In reality..... they were secretly working on both. The goal was to build a Better QB.

The Initial attempts that failed were to build a QB with:

• The Field Vision of Joe Namath.
• The Quick Release of Dan Marino.
• The Arm of John Elway.
• The Hands of Terry Bradshaw.
• The Heart of Johnny Unitas.
• The Brain of Joe Montana.
• The Legs of Steve Young.
• The Feet of Fran Tarkenton.
• The Hips of Roger Staubach.
• The Total "Package" of Brett Favre.

 If you could Build your own QB; What would yours look like?

  The initial attempt with Croyle would have resulted in the best Quarterback ever,...If it had succeeded.... Alas,... that was not to be. Somehow, you see, Croyle ended up with:

• The Heart of Jeff George.
• The Brain of Ryan Leaf.
• The Knees of Joe Namath.
• The Liver of Sonny Jurgenson.
• The Accuracy of Todd Blackledge.                                                                                                                                                                  

I repeat. I am no conspiricy nut; But, It is clear to me that Cassel did not undergo any "Appendix Operation". Oh, .. It was a procedure all right. It was a procedure to update his "Brady Treatments". It was also a clever means to get Brody back on the field to evaluate the effectiveness of the "Reversal Treatments" that he has been undergoing. 

 I know there are skeptics out there. Some of you may not have researched this as much as I have. Let me offer a few insights into the matter.

• Croyle's performance on the field has been almost 100% opposite that of Brady. Coincidence? I think not.
• Croyle and Brady wear the same number. If you look  at #12 upside down and backwards in a mirror it resembles 51 as in "Area 51". Coincidence? I think not.
• A side effect of the treatments is the ability to attract very hot girl friends and wives. Coinsidence? I think not.
• Another side effect is hair growth that tends to become more unmanageable with age. Coincidence? I think not.

Note: See Justin Bieber. Need I say more?