Todd Haley Pregame Speech (fantasy)



After this past Sunday, I think it is time we remember who we are. (Lanier63)

Now, I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a game by getting hurt for his team. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard get hurt for his team. Men, all this stuff you’ve heard about the Chiefs not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the game, is a lot of horse shit. Americans traditionally love to fight. All real Chiefs love the sting of battle. When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, the big league ball player, the toughest boxer. Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. The Chiefs play to win all the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That’s why the Chiefs won't ever stop fighting and will never lose a game. Because the very thought of losing is hateful to Chiefs fans.

Now, the Chiefs are a team. You live, eat, sleep, and fight as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The bilious bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality for the KC Star don’t know anything more about real football than they do about fornicating.

We have the finest food and equipment, the best spirit and the best men in the world. You know, by God I actually pity those poor bastards we’re going up against this Sunday. By God, I do. We’re not just going to hurt the bastards, we’re going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our cleats. We’re going to hurt those lousy Hun bastards by the bushel.

Now, some of you boys, I know, are wondering whether or not you'll chicken out under fire. Don't worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty. The Jags are the enemy. Wade into them. Spill their blood. Hit them in the mouth.  Shaun, when you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your enemies crotch, you'll know what to do.

Now there’s another thing I want you to remember. I don’t want to get any messages saying that we are holding our position. We’re not holding anything but the ball. Let the refs do that. We are advancing constantly and we’re not interested in holding onto anything except the ball. We're going to hold onto it by the nose and we're going to kick them in the ass. We're going to kick the hell out of them all the time and we're gonna go through them like crap through a goose.

There’s one thing that you men will be able to say when you get back home. And you may thank God for it. Thirty years from now when you’re sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee and he asks you what did you do in the game this Sunday, you won’t have to say, "Well, I shoveled shit in Louisiana."

Alright now, you sons-of-bitches, you know how I feel. Oh, and as your coach, I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle – anytime, anywhere.

That’s all.


(borrowed from George S Patton)

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Arrowhead Pride's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Arrowhead Pride writers or editors.

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