Just in Time for Football Season: Tasty! and fun to Read!


Are you broke but need to barbeque for your Sunday football friends? (Assuming you have some) Are you tired of firing up the ‘ole grill just for frozen hamburger patties? (a real crime, in my opinion) Because I'm an unemployed S.O.B. this happens to me all the time. Here's a simple cure;

I wrote this after the company I worked for closed down last year right at the start of football season. (I've since found a new job) It's the BEST I've ever grilled. I know you KC folks might have your own ideas, feel free to comment!



Unemployed Andy's London Broil


Get yourself a big hunk ‘a London broil. (Sorry, don't mean to get too technical) When on sale London Broil is cheaper than chicken, like, a buck-ninety a pound at Stater Bros which is perfect for all you bums and moochers. Mow a few lawns or donate plasma to raise some coin then ask your mommy to drive you to the store.

Get on the 'Juice'

Get a big bowl and mix the following;

¼ cup of balsamic vinegar. Go ahead and insert the "ball" joke of your choice here or simply do your best Beavis and Butthead impression...Yeah-YEAH! He said BALLS!...hee-hee!)

1 shake of Tabasco. We don't really NEED the Tabasco, but I just can't cook anything without it. *Note, I know the urge to go crazy with the Tabasco may be overwhelming, try to control yourself. If you have no self control, try shaking 25 drops onto a spoon and lick away! It works for me. Wimps should have milk, bread, and a type "C" fire extinguisher handy. Bystanders should consult a dry-cleaner

¼ cup of red wine. Before you loot your little sisters piggy bank, two-buck Chuck is fine. If you don't know what that is, ask you daddy, if he doesn't know, ask Mr. Google. When dispensing the wine, the "one for you, one for me" method is acceptable. If you did this, and the Tabasco thing, add a bottle of Tums to your shopping list.

Garlic cloves. If you tolerate garlic, that's 2. Like it, 3. Want your girl to sleep in the other room, 5. Crush ‘em, pulverize ‘em, mince, ‘em, or dice ‘em, just make sure they've had there asses thoroughly kicked.

1 teaspoon of kosher salt. (That's the little spoon for the utensil challenged) And if you're wondering, no, I'm not Jewish, just get the kosher salt ya' schmuck!

3 tablespoons of soy sauce. No, I'm not Asian either, just trying to create a global appeal.

½ teaspoon of ground black pepper, Feel free to snort as much as you like! EYEEEE CARUMBA!

½ Teaspoon of Worcestershire sauce. Thank God for spell check. I mean come on, really, what's wrong with just "Shire Sauce" or "Chester Sauce". The guy who named it ought to be shot.

Let the Games Begin!

Beat your meat (Don't worry, mom was just trying to scare you with the whole blindness thing) A meat tenderizing hammer works great, a 5 lb sledge is too much. You're just trying to put some texture on it and soften it up a bit.

Say Victor! You have bested the London Broil in combat, now dip its carcass in the bowl of marinade and slosh it around. Don't waste your time sending that shirt you were wearing to the dry cleaner...that stain won't come out. Next, put it in a 1 gallon zip lock bag, poor the rest of the marinade in the bag, and bleed out as much air as possible. Stick in the fridge for at least 4 hours but 1 to 2 days is even better assuming that feeble brain of yours can plan that far ahead. Flipping it a few times is a good idea. If you flip it more then 6 times you clearly have obsessive compulsive disorder and should seek treatment from a qualified psychiatrist.

Burn Baby, Burn...

You need your grill set up with a very hot side and a "slightly cooler than normal" heat side. Either stack briquettes high on one side or lower a grill closer to the coals if you have a fancy-pants setup. Begin by placing the meat on the hot side to sear it. if your fire is hot enough it should only take a minute on each side, using your hand to test is discouraged, your buddies hand however, is an excellent tool. When flipping use tongs, not a fork, so you don't puncture the meat when you flip it. This is general order #1; don't puncture the meat...ever!

After a good searing cook it for 8 - 12 minutes on each side on the cool(er) side of the grill. I like it medium rare so I cook closer to 8 minutes on each. *Disclaimer* I may be asking a lot, but some common sense it required. If you found a 4 lb hunk of London Broil you may want a little more time on the fire, comprende amigo? Make sure you let it sit for two or three minutes after you take it off the grill before you slice it, this is a good time to get those Tums ready.

Like a Surgeon...

One-eighth of an inch thick....just like your wee-wee. I found a meat slicer on sale for $99 and recycled some bottles and cans to buy it. Lazier folks will have to use a good sharp knife. Cut it a bit diagonally across the grain. Put the slices in a crock-pot or in the oven on low heat to keep them warm if there's going to be a delay in serving them, the thin slices will get cold quickly, just like your girlfriend. *Note to the fellas' out there: Sorry about the use of "wee-wee" and "slicer" in the same sentence :-(


Serve with Au jus and Red wine. (If you didn't drink it all making the marinade) The two issues with London Broil we are curing with this recipe is the toughness and dryness. The marinade, tenderizing, and thin slices cure the first, the au jus fixes the second. You can find "just add water" au jus at the super market near the taco seasoning, I'm sure I've exceeded you mental capacity already so we'll go simple with the au jus. No need to soak the meat in the au jus, there will be plenty of flavor, but a quick dip before eating each bite adds the final juicy touch.

I guarantee you can't grill a better meal for 4 - 6 people for less. (The main course at least) I've fed 15 people for under $20 and had some left over which makes a great sandwich after being micro waved, just save some of the au jus too.

Enjoy, but have a good cardiac specialist with a defibrillator on call if your going to eat a lot of it real rare. Now go get a damn job, would ya!

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Arrowhead Pride's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Arrowhead Pride writers or editors.

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