Sexassassin rituals to watching the chiefs !!!

I need to smoke lots and LOTS of ganja to keep my sanity during the game. The announcers piss me off with their meaningless blather, so I usually turn the game on mute, and throw on some reagge Lps, which helps calm my angry blood. With the Chiefs the last few years, its all about staying cool and not getting too pissed. Keeping expectations low also helps.

I usually pause the game on DVR and let the radio catch up then mute TV sound so i can listen to Lenny Dawson getting PISSED when we fuck up. “Ohhhh NO! That was terrible blocking”. Tell it like it is Lenny…..

That’s the one for me… the one that gets it goin. Ever seen those Terry Tate: Office Linebacker videos? You know, right after he smashes a guy for not having a cover sheet on his TPS reports…

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! You know you gotta have a cover sheet (pant pant) for your TPS reports, Richard!”

When DJ made that sack?

WOOOOOOOOOO!! THERE YOU GO, DJ!

It’s loud, and probably pretty obnoxious, but that’s just how I gets’er done.

But since those plays come so few and far between for our Chiefs, during the downtime i’m spittin out sunflower seeds, and drinkin whatever the beer of the week is. It was Boulevard Wheat last week. I might do Shiner Bock this week. MMmmm….and two fingers of bourbon in a tumbler. That sounds nice right about now.

And homemade, slowcooked chili. I’m fucking drooling right now.

t-shirt on (E.J. Holub, Buck Buchanan, etc.), my Pepsi, and my popcorn. My wife and kids vacate the room because Daddy is so intense (usually). Occasionally my ten year old daughter pops in to say “Don’t cuss, Daddy.”

wake up to all the naysayers on NFL Network and ESPN to get me pumped for the game
Throw on something red atleast, I havent bought a KC jersey in a while
Then I meet my bro at this Sport bar boondoggles
gets wings
then weep in my puddle of tears from the a lose
                             OR
if we win get drunk and go into work hungover and happy
Go Chiefs

Wake up drink coffee while my hommie ArrowDread smokes heaters. Irish up the coffee if I can. Once at the stadium (lot C of course) drink champagne or Pale Ale. Smoke bowls right before kick off.

Have a pretty standard Arrowhead jersey thats rather high in doucheatude, plain red golf shirt, shorts or slacks (can’t stand demin), and Blue Blockers.

Slam some soda after the game.

curse my hangover, and watch NFL Matchup while trolling for news of the update. Set my fantasy lineups. Decide what jersey/ Chiefs shirt to wear.

Head to the bar around noon. Flirt with the bartender while drinking Octoberfest and flipping off the TV whenever they show shots of our opponent for the day (or Raiders, or Broncos, or Chargers).

Spew obscenities through the game.

Usually order wings or a bar pie before the end of the first quarter.

So I can be home by 12pm. Maybe pop a couple Michelina frozen dinners in the mic….grab a pop and plop down on the couch.

When im mad I get violent tendencies…so I usually grab a pillow and scream into it….or punch the crap outta it..

When happy I clap and yell HECK YEAH!!! anf pump my fist and stuff. I also say YEAH THATS MY BOYS!!!

SO I just freelance the Chiefs game, no rituals at all

Other than since I live in Seattle I have to go to a bar to see the games. Of course, it’s early here so that means having breakfast at the bar. After my 3 year self enforced boycott of doucHERM I am finally able to resume luvin’ the Chiefs and found a new bar in my area. It is a cool and fun place with a bunch of wayward NFL souls from other cities cheering for all of our disparate teams. Luckily most Chiefs games are early games and most Seagulls games are late games which helps with the tv access and reduced douchery. I definitely need to keep expectations low and stay more under control in the bar. When I’m at home I can get really fired up, angry, whatever.

Which sucks for all the other residents of the building on game day. I don’t drink until AFTER the game, because I get too loud and obnoxious as it is. If the Chiefs are doing bad, I’m screaming obscenities at the top of my lungs and banging on the wall. At that point, most of my neighbors vacate the neighborhood. Not just the building, the neighborhood. If the Chiefs are doing good, I’m doing my impression of Meany from the Waterboy – WWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, WWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOO. You know, where the waterboy says “you sound like a choo choo train”. I am big and loud, so it’s hard for anyone else to hear the game their listening to! After the game, I have a few home-made brews (I make a nice variety) to either drown my sorrows in, or drink, drink, drink with pure joy in my heart!

If I’m watching the game alone, I always grill on my little ten dollar radio flyer looking grill, and I always throw a piece of meat on it as an offering to the football gods.

Other than that, my gameday staples are obscene texts to my bros, obscenities at the tv, and preparing myself mentally to endure 48 hours of jibes about how much my Chiefs suck.

BUT, I don’t miss a game. I love my Chiefs, whether they suck or dominate.

watch on my bed too my room has a bunch of broncos stuff in it when they make a play i clap real fast to annoy my dad and uncle steller fans i speam too if denver loses i get mad if they win i am happy

When I lived in PA I would just watch the game if it were on TV or listen to it if it weren’t. Then the same in TX. Now that I’m in Iraq I plop in front of a computer and follow it on NFL Gametracker and AP. That’s it. Wish I had a ritual…but I’ve been able to watch literally…5ish Chiefs games in the last 5 years.