The Injury Bug: A Conspiracy?

I've been skeptical of the Chiefs' injury report lately. Why? Well... we haven't been winning many games so what else do I have to do other than explain some ridiculous conspiracy theory I conjured up in my free time?

I went to KCChiefs.com recently in hopes to find some homerish blog/video that would feed my addiction to the notion that something positive is actually happening within the Chiefs organization. The Chiefs' official website and Bobgretz.com (more circa the Peterson era) tend to spin the seemingly bleakest of times into brief moments of false comfort and hope; Much like crack to a crackhead suffering through withdrawl. Josh *Looney*, however, seems a little more optimistic in his recent video blog than he has in a long time... and this time he's talking about the Chiefs' injury report, which looks just as bad as that of the Eagles and we're talking about McNabb, Westbrook and Jackson here. Conspiracy time.
Fact: Scott Pioli holds any information that could be regarded as stratigic to the oppostion closely to the vest. We don't know this for sure but, in the similar fashion of any other conspiracy theory, we'll assume the popular presentment as fact. Taking this into consideration, the idea of Pioli and his right hand man, Haley, listing anyone on the injury report automatically raises a red flag . I mean, who's to say that any of these guys are really injured? They all went through one of the thoughest conditioning programs in the history of this organization. The idea was to mold a group of fat, uninspired "athletes" into football players that would play all four quarters with maximum intensity all while avoiding injury. Well, so far, the whole "playing all four quarters" part hasn't panned out so well and it now seems as if the "with-standing injury" part isn't either. Or is it?
Fact: Derrick Johnson has been listed on the third string as of recently. One of the few bright, though occasionally dimmly lit, spots on our defense is being held back by the new regime?!? How can this be? Well, rumors have been circulating that DJ has been injured despite the fact that he was previously not listed on the IR. He has, however made two of the biggest plays in the first two games despite being supposedly injured and/or not as good as Demorrio Williams or Corey Mays. Well, we know the latter explanation is a bunch of crock so we can only assume that he's been injured. The latest IR confirms that some sort of injury has been bugging him because he's out this Sunday. I do think that he is just getting some time off for being such a freaking awesome-super-first-round-draft-pick (SUPERDJ!) and doing his job 100% of the time... which would only equate to 20% of the time if he were actually starting. The point I'm getting at is that Pioli/Haley is hiding our best players so they can sneak out of the darkness and attack when least suspected. Sound crazy? Keep reading.
Fact: Dwayne Bowe is listed on the IR this week despite being immortal. Let's face it, The Show is God. Well... I guess when you don't have any other player that can even stack up to him, it can surely seem that way. Without Bowe, we're ****ed. Luckily, he's immortal, so we have nothing to worry about. It's no seceret that Bowe has supposedly been in Haley's doghouse for the past month or so. He didn't come into the game until after the first series last week and has only been targeted a handful of times compared to Cassel's most reliable target, Jake O'Connell, this season but has quietly been our most effective offensive weapon. I imagine that this week he'll gimp out onto the field somewhere around the midway mark through the second quarter with a leg brace and proceed to rip off a 60 yard catch and run to paydirt. The opposition won't see it coming.
This sounds crazy, I know, but considering the way the new regime is handling buisness, I wouldn't be surprised if the cybertronic doppleganger of Brodie Croyle was being controlled by Cassel, or even Haley for that matter, on the sidelines like a game of Madden the first week against Baltimore. I mean, when have we ever seen Brodie play that well mistake-free? Don't be surprised if the whole team comes down with a case of the swine flu when we play the world champions this year. The better the oppostion, the more hopeless we want to appear. It's called strategy.


I should probably note that this post is not meant to be taken too seriously.