Some strong language in this week's PARADEBULATION...Just an FYI... -Chris
By way of introduction, the PARADE and the PARADEBULATIONS have been a pre-game tradition of the AP's for some time bringing insight, nonsense, and absurd pictures of dolphins whether or not we happen to be playing Miami. Self-described as a royal plural presence attempting to write the "Finnegan's Wake" of Chiefs fandom in blog form, the PARADE has been present since the founding of the earliest incarnation of the AP but as of late has been on sabbatical. When envisioning a far less reverent "founder's plaza for the AP" the PARADE expressed their wish to have a "Smithy of the PARADE's Soul" Room which would house a statue with Bruce Smith's head on the body of a Lord of the Rings Orc doing a mocking 'tomahawk chop' at the 1993 AFC Championship while an indistinguishable, but nevertheless vaguely handsome, boy weeps as his lost balloon floats away.
This is how you make the azzzzzz drop...*
There's something different about this PARADEBULATION. Unlike past Raider week PB's and not so Raider-related Raider week posts, the PARADE cant' characterize a certain ennui we have towards the modern day Raiders. It's as if hate has subsided into contempt which gave way to disgust and some bemusement and is currently floating somewhere around an unwanted guest at a neighborhood barbecue...
Oh, THAT guy's coming... sigh, God, hope he doesn't bring those terrible kids of theirs with him...
Oh hey Jamarcus, you're looking, uh?, pale?
Seriously, this hard, finding absurd pictures of the Raiders and Raiders fans is so easy it sets the bar almost too high. How do you do it? There are more ridiculous pictures than non-ridiculous pictures...
But we just made that joke...
No idea what this is about, none, but really just look at that crazy piece of shit gif file? Like whoa.
Wouldn't the whole "having the force"-choke-a-guy-out-from-across-the-room preclude need for the spikes? Oh that's right... you're really just a fucking nerd.
And for good measure, the "which of these buttons calls your parents to pick you up?" Triumph & the Star Wars nerds video.
You win internet, we give up...
Wait, wait, almost forgot our new favorite .gif of a time...
Hopefully we can make this our "asian kid"
And of course for no good reason other than Joel likes it, a fucked up dolphin picture...
Oh Jooooel, give us a kiss!
FANTASY FOOSBALL ADVICE TYPE THING or DEAR PARADEY...
Oh, yeah the Raiders booth was huge at ComiCon this year, they had a dude dressed up like Al Davis...
Just a quick reminder that if you have any questions you'd like the PARADE or anyone else (Chris, Joel, Paddy) to answer on the "Odcast" or in the PARADEBULATION feel free to email them to: Staff.APODCAST@gmail.com
Well, we uh, kinda, er uh, shat the bed last week with that Greg Olsen tip. Or better put, Cutlerfuck shat the bed. We may have been a little caught up in the giddiness over McDaniels off-season ABRONCOLYPSE and overlooked that Cutler's still massively overrated regardless of what division he's in. Still, we'd hold on to Olsen and see if that don't pay off down the road, mmmkay?
But, for this week we'll try to be a little more strategic. Nah fuck it, more Broncos schadenfreude!
Mike Bell, former Bronco is holding it down with the Saints, and getting numbers that straight disRESPEKT what Noshow Moreno is doin these days (at least last week). Yes the Saints play the Eagles this week, but with McNabb most likely out they have a built in excuse to lose this game. Mike Bell, he might even be on waivers. Start him.
Bacon on Chocolate Chip Cookies with a cinnamon glaze.
And I said, hey Farley, why not mix cocaine AND heroin!?!?**
Typically, the PARADE is providing tips from meals we've made ourselves. Can't say it on this one, but we do love bacon, and we're going to go out on a limb and say these would be pretty good.
Apparently, it's not the first manifestation, as there are already bacon chocolate bars.
As endorsed by English Celebrity Chef Nigella Lawson...
Chris likes it when we kick the # of page views up...
Anyway, here's the recipe and a website with a better explanation. Somebody hurry up and make them so you can confirm our suspicions that they're what's been missing from all of our lives.
GAME TIME BEER OF THE WEEK
Cause if you're going to binge drink massive quantities of a watery pilsner it should be a KANSAS CITY WATERY DOMESTIC! No really, we had this last time we were in town and it's solid. It's better than Budweiser but not as good as most German lagers. Vaguely reminiscent of this new "Landshark Lager"-kinda-like-Corona beer niche that seems to be popping up. What Boulevard needs to grasp now is putting it in some sort of distinctive can available for packaging in quantities so large you don't feel the need to have feelings anymore.
Missouri's largest Brewery... meet the new boss... same as the old boss.
"SPECIAL" COMMENT AWARD OF THE WEEK
Well, we're biased again but this one was pretty solid.
Good work SA, really it's like a man among boys when it comes to you and caption contest posts. Everyone feel free to email in suggestions, we may take them into consideration, unless they suck and aren't funny of course.
AND Now, something to BLOW YOUR MIND
Far and away the best take on the whole "Kanye meme" so far, and here's a little personalized treat.
And this is a pretty good imitation of the PARADE's paradebultating process...
*Shout out to AP Commenter of lore "sexassassin" again in the title caption, what up assassin!?!
**In no way does our making light of Chris Farley's tragic death mean we are making fun of the SNL Chippendale's Sketch's Curse claiming another victim over the past week. R.I.P. Bodhi, you will be missed...