Like any famous, or infamous in this case, group goes, a nickname must be given. It's a sports rule or something. As we know, our line is awful. Over the last few years, with the retirements and departures of Will Shields, Willie Roaf, and Casey Wiegmann, our line has turned a perennially dominant five man blocking unit (we had several streaks of starting 5 linemen extending more than one season, which is rare) into a carousel that has turned the record setting LJ into Jamal Lewis and sent many QBs to the injured lists. But if this preseason is any indication, the 2009 incarnation of the Chiefs line could take this level of suck to a new and expensive low.
Before we actually get to some nickname suggestions, I'll give some famous group nicknames in football history.
The Fearsome Foursome (L.A. Rams line of Rosey Grier, Lamar Lundy, Merlin Olsen, and Deacon Jones)
The Purple People Eaters (Vikings line of Alan Page, Carl Eller, Jim Marshall, and Gary Larsen)
The No-Name Defense (Undefeated Dolphins defense of 1972)
The Steel Curtain (1970s Steelers defense that produced 4 Super Bowl wins)
The Orange Crush (Broncos defense that did not manage to win a Super Bowl but did earn a nickname)
The Hogs (The big uglies that paved the way for John Riggins and the physical Redskins teams of the 80s and early 90s)
The Triplets (The self-proclaimed stars of an offense that was ACTUALLY good because of its line)
The Greatest Show on Turf (St. Louis Rams 1999-2001)
Now for some negative nicknames, because, after all, that's what we're looking at here.
The Ain'ts (New Orleans Saints, 1967-present, zero Super Bowl appearances or wins)
The Bungles (Cincinnati Bengals 1968-present, NFL laughingstock since 1991)
The Lambs (Post-Kurt Warner Rams-present)
The Chefs (That's great, but who are the Chefs?....I expect my check in the mail Snickers)
My suggestions (FINALLY I'm sure some of you, if you made it, are thinking), which aren't all that great; but, whatever.
The French Resistance: a lot of talk until the fighting starts
The Blocking Dummies: obviously a joke because our line does not block much at all
The Fall Out Boys: these guys are an intimidating bunch
Cassel's Penetrable Wall: other teams only need to look at our line to find the way through
The Chef Salads: mostly because it's different everywhere you go, but still a general wussy dish
The Red Light District: this is what our running backs see as they approach the line of scrimmage, and really, our line is really just a playground for the drunken imaginations of opposing defenses, just to satisfy the Amsterdam reference
The Red Blush: soft, revealing, attractive...this is what defenses see
The Red Herrings: our line really is good at hiding the rest of the problems our team has
The Gingers: South Park's soul-less, dumb, and problematic bunch....the world must be rid of them according to Eric Cartman.
The Red-Headed Sluts: Our line could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch!
No offense to women; it's just a drink.
I encourage everyone to try a nickname, because this group is so bad we might have a full roster of skill players injured by the bye week.