Chiefs Ink Turtle to Multi-Year Deal

Cleveland, Oh; Chris Mortenson of ESPN.com is reporting that the Kansas City Chiefs have signed unrestricted reptilian free agent WR, Turtle to contract reported to be worth $49 million for seven years, including a $10 million signing bonus. This is a comperable contract to what Terrel Owens received when he signed with the Eagles. The contract is historic in many ways. Not only is Turtle the first turtle to play for a professional sports team, he is also the first non-human being.

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Turtle in the Arrowhead parking lot, leaving OTA's.

Chiefs General Manager Scott "The Don" Pioli did not find Turtle at the NFL scouting combine but instead, while fishing off the shores of Lake Erie in Cleveland, Ohio. Pioli was discussing a possible contract with former Chiefs CB Ty Law when the two decided to reel in and toss around the pigskin. After dropping a pass from Pioli the ball began to roll away from Law.

. "At first I was amazed at how fast the ball was rolling away from me," said Law, "but then I realized the ball wasn’t rolling at all. It was on the back of a turtle."

 "Ty couldn’t catch Turtle," mused Pioli in an exclusive interview with Mortenson. "These days running away from Ty Law isn’t that big of an acomplishment but I thought, hell, that turtle is at least as fast as Jeff Webb. Let’s get him into camp."

 Turtle impressed his coaches so much at OTA’s that most knew it was only a matter of time before he was signed to a long-term deal.

 Said head coach Todd Haley, "Yeah…I think Matt Cassel and Turtle have developed a pretty good chemistry…I was a little bit worried about communication…you know, given that Matt is a man and speaks and Turtle only makes high pitched sounds when under water. But he’s learned the play book backwards and forward…not really sure how but, you know…he’s workin hard and I think he’ll be alright."

 Turtle seems to be the missing piece in what many experts expect to be the Chiefs best receiving group in years. He will round out a group that includes Dwayne Bowe, Mark Bradley and Bobby Engram.

 "I think what you get, when you look at Turtle, is a hard worker on the field who also happens to blend in with the field, you know, cause he’s green. Clancy likes this cause he heard Antonio Rodgers Cromartie is color blind, so he thinks he’ll have a real tough time covering Turtle in man coverage," said Haley.

 Cromartie, cornerback for the San Diego Chargers had no comment. According to a Mortenson’s source, Turtle and Cromartie were training together somewhere out in the desert. According to the source, Turtle blew by Cromartie on multiple occasions. Cromartie reportedly blamed his poor performance on his 7 illegitimate children.

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 Turtle’s agent, Patrick Allen a Chiefs fan and frequent poster at the best Chiefs related web site on the planet, Arrowhead Pride.com, called Cromarties claims "preposterous!"

 "That is preposterous," said Allen, whose only client is Turtle. "Cromartie got burned because Turtle is a gamer. Using your children as an excuse is…look, Turtle has 78 children by somewhere between 6 and 8 female turtles. He doesn’t use them for an excuse do anything other than work harder so he can support is constantly growing family."

 Said Chiefs chairman, Clark Hunt, "We are very excited to have a receiver, with the talents and work ethic that Turtle possesses. I know he will be a successful and dynamic part of our offense for many years to come."

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Trutle's new car in front of his home in Ohio

The Turtle signing looks to spell doom for Chiefs WR Jeff "Slick Hands" Webb. Webb had 3 catches for –16 yards  and 24 dropped passes last season. Webb was however, credited for half a touch down when  he tripped while running a route and a pass from QB Tyler Thigpen bounced off his facemask and into the hands of Tony Gonzales.

 Turtle Fun Facts;

 Turtle resides on the shores of Lake Erie in Cleveland, Ohio where GM Scot "The Don" Pioli discovered him. Turtle has never played in a real football game but got his ball handling skills from moving his children’s un-hatched eggs along the shore away from predators. Turtle is an American Box Turtle and runs a 4.34 40 inch dash.