Off-Season Paradebulation Part III: Uniforms or Jeez Louise Mom! Stop Calling Them "Costumes"
by Official Arrowhead Pride Parade on May 12, 2009 4:16 PM CDT
45 comments
In our continued effort to beat off the off-season doldrums, Austrian Queequeg style,(oddly not a Bruno reference), the PARADE is continuing its week-long series. This installment again does its darndest to break down the AP's fanbase, but don't worry, we build them back up at the end. er not
The Chiefs are trying out some new throwback uniforms this season. While their logo and design has generated a substantial amount of controversy, what perhaps disturbed the PARADE most was the stylistic suggestions some of our right honorable commenters had.
How to put this?
We hate to go back to the East Bound & Down well two days in a row, but Kenny really expresses our feelings on some of our commenter's stylistic opinions all to eloquently in this youtube (NSFW language).
For those of you at work, the PARADE merely expressed that some readers may not be intimately familiar with Joyce's interpretation of the hierarcy of aesthetics.
After the jump, some godaful, alright, and stupid ideas.
Tony Gonzalez looking incredibly pale, visor'd, and playing for the wrong team.
"But PARADE, I'm not a stripper, I've never even been to Daytona, and Joyce's interplay of the Hellenistic clearly throw into question notions of a Thomistic hierarchy of aesthetics! Not to mention Finnegan's Wake."
There are no good answers to those questions, other than that's not how we meant it (although we are impressed by your literary acumen reader) but consider this, consider the "Mama's Family" game 'Raytown is Yours:'
This epitomizes the complete and utter lack of restraint and enthusiasm for gaudy cliches that plagues the Chiefs's homeland. For those of you not aware, the TV show "Mama's Family" was set in Raytown, MO because upon driving through there comedienne and creator of M.F. Carol Burnett thought it was the most impressive 'white trash' locale in the United States. No offense to our readers from "The Rat" but the 'Funky Town' (still exists?) watertower never screamed urban chic. Adding the cliche 'Scarface' ripoff was a nice touch though.
Confused yet? Well let's roll out some designs taken from this post on the new uniforms.
Sorry this comment really couldn't wait until the next ombudsman post:
oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh my god that is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen i would probably remove my nuts if we could wear those helmets no doubt in my mind take my nuts off for those helmets and uniforms ohh my god
-The inimitable sexassassin ladies and gents...
While extra credit is given for incorporating the theme of "truck nutz" into your enthusiasm, we are amazed that not only SA but many of you support this design.
We're pretty sure some candy paint and an airbrushed La Virgin de Guadalupe downn the middle would be more appealing (no offense SA).
Let us try to explain:
+ 
=
via www.jpabranded.com via images.teamsugar.com
That helmet and presumably any accompanying uniform that would make us look like the Raiders and Falcons had an abomination baby.
Let's face it the Chiefs have it pretty rough aesthetically speaking. We're stuck in the Ketchup/Mustard dispenser of life. To top that, we're unfortunately hemmed in by the Redskins, who not only steal every other shade of red or Native American theme, but who try out new designs like the tarted-up NFC whores they are. Not to mention the threat of renewed PC Native American protests keep the intimidating stereotype angle pretty muted.
However, black does not make everything better. Monster Trucks and wrestling? Yes (although Justice Ultimate Warrior disagrees). Football? No.
Now, we're not suggesting imposing our style. It's much easier to criticize others (plus, corduroy and elbow patches would probably restrict the range of motion). But don't you people remember the goth spaceman pajama royals?
via espn.go.com
Goth & Pajama only partially pictured...
Now the idea we did like was the possible alternative "Wat Bonnet" helmets, which apparently were once shown on a broadcast in the 80's but have since disappeared forever.
Safe to say you can imagine what we have in mind as a cross between the Michigan Wolverine's helmets and Sundown from Top Gun. The only possible misinterpretation would be this guy's valiant, but clearly erroneous and slightly racist attempt.
via images.footballfanatics.com
PLUS this and a whole lot of feathers....
Would equal awesome.
But that's just our opinion. Let's see what else was suggested...
via i23.ebayimg.com
YOUURRR KANSAASSSS CITTTTYYYEEE ICE CAPAAAAADES!
Gary Glitter approved. Next?
What is it we like about this photo? Oh yeah, Dwayne Bowe still plays for our team.
Actually, there's a lot to like once you get past the Texas emblem. The gray facemasks are cool, the less than fire-engine red isn't bad, and it's pretty simplistic. All and all, not bad.
"Buuuuut PARAAAADE, that's Texas! I live in Missouri OR Kansas OR Iowa OR Oklahoma OR some other godforsaken place in the Octo-state area. They can't do that, it's unkansascitian!"
Apparently, there's been a whole talk radio jihad going on about the logo on the throwbacks. This brings up a very important point.
TALK RADIO MAKES NORMAL PEOPLE THINK F*CKIN STUPID THINGS.
Now not to pass judgment, perhaps some of our readers frequently listen to talk radio, perhaps some even call in. We personally, once had a summer job where all our trucks only had AM radio and listened to hours and hours of talk radio.
Here's the question, have you ever listened to talk radio and thought 'that's really stupid and wrong what they're saying, I should call in and tell them why?' Of course, that's the point of talk radio. Have you ever not called in, and then a day later thought about it, and regretted it? No. Why? Because it's meaningless mouth masterbation into the AM ether that's why. No one cares, nothing ever results from it, in the entire history of radio exactly ZERO POINT ZERO ZERO revolutions, revolts or other meaningful actions have occured because of radio.
Radio did get a kid trampled trying to buy KISS tickets (and that was FM). Other than that, kaput.
So, pause for a second, and think about what's really going to happen when the Chiefs wear these throwbacks.
When they play the Broncos everyone will obsess about how ugly Denver's throwbacks are, when they play Dallas it'll look like that olde tymey baseball Conan sketch, and ultimately there will be some bad jokes about America's team.
Other than that, absolutely nothing will change. If you're that terrified of it, listen to it on radio and act it out with Starting Line-Up figurines.
via i10.ebayimg.com
As an added bonus, we're going to go ahead and say George from George Blowfish is wrong and that the retro, go-go look would be a good throwback for the Chiefs cheerleaders as well...
George seems to be mixing his decade's a bit much, to appreciate the hipster appeal here, also he seems to be a fan of a simpler appeal from a simpler time...
Which has its points as well.
Apologies for coming to you so late this afternoon, maybe the greatest movie ever will make up for it....(NSF 1980's W)...
This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Arrowhead Pride's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Arrowhead Pride writers or editors.
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Black helmets are sick!
I don’t care about the Raiders or Falcons – black is it. Those helmets are awesome.
by HTrayne on May 12, 2009 5:28 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I have to agree
I love the KC unis but I actually liked the look of the black helmet.
by Nelly on May 12, 2009 5:38 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Oh no!
Here comes bizarro evil Chiefs! Maybe we should make them all wear mustaches to distinguish them from the normal Chiefs.
Maybe its fear we’d turn into the Falcons’s helmets of many colors, but for some reason adding black to your uniform just seems like an arena league attempt to look “hip.”
It could possibly be acceptable if they left the jerseys alone.
by Official Arrowhead Pride Parade on May 12, 2009 6:44 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
i say we stick with the helmets we have now!
I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a lady who would be really mad if she heard me say that. -Mitch Hedberg
by mistamic on May 12, 2009 10:17 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I'm a Kansas City Chiefs fan.
I’m a Kansas City Chiefs fan, and will be watching all 13 regular season games the Kansas City Chiefs are playing in 2009. I don’t doubt the people in Dallas will enjoy the 2 1/2 extra games they get to watch a Dallas football team.
by Mcflycat on May 12, 2009 6:14 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Yes,
Commenting on sports blogs is Camille Pissaro to Talk Radio’s Claude Monet.
While more technically skilled, Pissaro never reached Monet’s commercial validation. Yet, in its essence, they are both merely obfuscating form to depict perception on a personal level.
I have to disagree with the PARADE this time, if only for the medium they use to decry talk radio. While different, both are facilitating the exact same behavior.
Case in point:
Here’s the question, have you ever read a sports blog and thought ’that’s really stupid and wrong what they’re saying, I should comment and tell them why?’ Of course, that’s the point of sports blogging. Have you ever not commented, and then a day later thought about it, and regretted it? No. Why? Because it’s meaningless keystroke masterbation into the innerwebz ether that’s why. No one cares, nothing ever results from it, in the entire history of sports blogging exactly ZERO POINT ZERO ZERO revolutions, revolts or other meaningful actions have occured because of sports blogging.
I don't have religion. I have Baduizm...and Billie Holiday.
by DThomasReigns on May 12, 2009 7:09 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I am not a big fan of talk radio either, for the record.
I don't have religion. I have Baduizm...and Billie Holiday.
by DThomasReigns on May 12, 2009 7:11 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ahh but the textual record sir...
As a big fan of Neil Postman’s “Amusing Ourselves to Death,” we’d point out that the form where our discourse and radio departs is the “innerwebz” versus so much atmospheric “ether.”
From the wikipedia entry:
The essential premise of the book, which Postman extends to the rest of his argument(s), is that “form excludes the content,” that is, a particular medium can only sustain a particular level of ideas. Rational argument, an integral component of print typography, cannot be conveyed through the medium of television because “its form excludes the content.” Because of this shortcoming, politics and religion get diluted, and “news of the day” is turned into a commodity. The presentation most often de-emphasizes quality; all data becomes burdened to the far-reaching need for entertainment.
Now think of talk radio as television without the intellectual honesty of actually having to show one’s face.
What’s nifty is that the internet, while even more anonymous often, leaves a print record, allowing for longer discourse, the building of ideas, the entire premise of Joke Pyramid(ing) is impossible.
Not to mention radio limits itself to the immediate memory further spliced by commercial breaks, not to mention the FCC (to be fair Chris made us replace “dammit” in the title).
Still by making the text meaningful, the AP or any decent blog soars above sports radio in both breadth and depth of thought.
by Official Arrowhead Pride Parade on May 12, 2009 7:26 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
impossible *without it*
See what we did there? Changed the meaning with a full minute to think about it, during which no one involved was distracted by honks, whistles, O’Reilly Automotive, or what fucking Arrowsmith song to lead in with…
Viva La Revolucion De Desportes.
by Official Arrowhead Pride Parade on May 12, 2009 7:29 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I am in the middle of The Darjeeling Limited at the moment,
but here is my interim reply in 1 minute 7 sec animated form :)
I don't have religion. I have Baduizm...and Billie Holiday.
by DThomasReigns on May 12, 2009 7:48 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ok,
We agree that the blog medium is superior to radio, which is why I made the Pissaro > Monet metaphor above.
The point I was contending was your derision of the motives of the talk radio participant, and their subsequent futility, thereby negating talk radio’s worth. The same id of opinion is equal to the motivation of the blogger.
While the blog medium allows for greater development of the thought, that development is only by the selection of the fellow participants to do so. This is not unlike callers voicing their agreement with the previous/earlier callers.
It could be argued that talk radio is more representative of the emotions of the present audience due to the finite nature of the discussion; whereas, blogs allow for retrospection before response and crafted retorts.
That aspect is fundamental to the context of any discourse, debate, or communal creation. While brevity may be the soul of wit, temporal brevity is the soul of debate. To suggest otherwise ignores the the purpose of the discourse, to reach a conclusion. While the debate may be enjoyable, it cannot be indeterminate in nature. At its denouement, you either agree, disagree, or compromise.
Simply because a medium allows for indefinitely protracted discussion would negate that medium as a suitable means for that discussion…even if it has lots of pretty gifs. :)
This is a Global Village as McLuhan phrased in the early 60’s, but the media to which he was referring was electronic communication devices…radio and TV at the time. While many like to ascribe the term to Joyce in Finnegan’s Wake, he never articulated it to the degree McLuhan did.
Blogfrica, empowering the people’s voice in the global village, freedom of speech, spohistrical debate…they all must be striving to a greater truth or a hope of knowing.
Simply because one form may allow extended musings does not empirically prove its worth. The voices are voiced because we yearn to add our perceptions as a means of constructing the world in which we live and the things about which we care.
Whether voiced on talk radio or in the comments of blogs like this, the intention of the voices is the same, even if the canvas is lesser.
Pissaro > Monet. Blogs > Talk Radio. But Voices = Voices, and the Intent = Intent.
Chris and Primetime are the hosts as Kietzman, Limbaugh, Savage, Wertheimer are. They are regimented, yet profitable, We are flexible and hope for Beer Glove revenue.
We on this blog only serve to make points to ourselves, just as you stated in your main argument against talk radio above. We change nothing either. We only serve as means to further the social interaction of a fragmented group and satisfy the need for an individual to feel part of a particular village. As noted here:
Scholars Marshall Van Alstyne and Erik Brynjolfsson offer a contrasting view in their paper, “Electronic Communities: Global Village or Cyberbalkans?” They say that although modern communication technologies have the potential to create the unified communities reminiscent of McLuhan’s idea of the Global Village, they also threaten to balkanize or fragment communities by allowing people to easily segregate themselves into geographic and special interest groups.
Art is art and opinions are opinions. It is unwise to argue a sculpture is of greater worth than a film because the stone lasts longer than celluloid.
With that I shall leave thee, your highness, with my most cherished quote of all time…from Nietzsche, of course:
“We have our highest dignity in our significance as works of art – for it is only as an aesthetic phenomenon that the world and existence are eternally justified.”
"F^ck you, Mongorians"
by DThomasReigns on May 12, 2009 9:54 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
And, yes,
I am aware I just created a lengthy post about the futility of the endeavor in which I just participated. :P
"F^ck you, Mongorians"
by DThomasReigns on May 12, 2009 9:58 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
No you didn't
You just paraphrased why we all post and reply here.
most of us will never write a great novel, paint a masterpiece, or create a philosphy.
We all wish to leave a mark, a thought, a piece of ourselves that others might see.
Many do not post but read, they are cautious, a well learned trait.
And when they feel comfortable to enter into the fray with people they know to be good and friendly they will post and expand the knowledge of all of us. All of us are a piece of this thing we call life, good or bad, and create this place we live in. To share and argue and debate and come to that agree to disagree moment is much better than Hatred and Prejudice and Intolerance that so much of the World lives in. We create our own world and or own potraits and our own Works of Art. Right Here a little at a time :)
you don't have to win and you don't need to fight. Supertramp
by Steve_Chiefs on May 12, 2009 10:14 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I agree. That is my point.
That is exactly why I was stating that I disagree with discounting the merits of talk radio but promoting sports blogs while doing it on a sports blog.
I still kneel before the PARADE, though. :)
"F^ck you, Mongorians!"
by DThomasReigns on May 12, 2009 10:25 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Because PARADE and I disagree while agreeing to a degree
I think I will retire for the night complacent in the thought that we are the equivalent of Shpantz…and Shoedles…
"F^ck you, Mongorians!"
by DThomasReigns on May 12, 2009 11:38 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
DTR
Did not the War of the Worlds on Radio cause a great scare on East Coast once?
Did not Germany use the radio to conquer countries in the 30’s?
Did not TV have influence in the downfall of the USSR.
Media does have weight and Cause in world affairs.
But The Great Chiefs Throwback affair is *****Shit.
Just a random reply in the general direction of this post
you don't have to win and you don't need to fight. Supertramp
by Steve_Chiefs on May 12, 2009 9:58 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
All very good points,
but PARADE is specifically targeting Talk Radio
"F^ck you, Mongorians"
by DThomasReigns on May 12, 2009 9:59 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Sorry I actually forget whos post this was
I was just kinda caught up as you might see now.
you don't have to win and you don't need to fight. Supertramp
by Steve_Chiefs on May 12, 2009 10:17 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Funkytown still gettin down!
Everytime I drive by, I always think about throwing on a purple suit and some rollerskates and getting funky!
I'd rather be a free man in my grave than living as a puppet or a slave
by ArrowDread on May 12, 2009 7:36 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
hahaha I never been inside that place what is it a country club??
by Arrowhead816 on May 12, 2009 8:57 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Not a country club...
Probably the exact opposite of a country club. Here it is on Google Maps.
by Joel Thorman on May 12, 2009 9:03 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Old car dealer and the best place in town to find a meth loving swamp donkey, save Fun House Pizza.
I do not snort the coke I only smoke...sensimilla.
by HIV 2 Elway on May 12, 2009 9:03 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Fun House
Man, I honestly don’t know anybody that been to Fun House. I’ve been living here my whole entire life and never been there, the outside looks like an knock of verison of ShowBiz Pizza(Chucky Cheese)
by Arrowhead816 on May 12, 2009 9:08 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I was turned on to Fun House by a coworker...
The pizza is legit, I rank it #3 behind Waldo and Pizza 51 but ahead of Pizza Shoppe. But their pride and joy (and by they I mean the Raytown Fun House) is their Friday night karaoke. White trash Heaven, puts Buck Night and Worlds of Fun to shame. Where else can you see a 350 lbs man in his 30’s with a rat tail that goes below the belt and a 7 year old Hoosier singing risqué country songs? I highly recommend it.
I do not snort the coke I only smoke...sensimilla.
by HIV 2 Elway on May 12, 2009 9:31 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I love the Fun House
Mondays is taco night, dirt cheap tacos. The pizza is usually piled with toppings. The entire place seems to be perpetually 15 years out of date. It’s fantastic!
by Chiefs4Life on May 13, 2009 3:13 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I love me some talk radio....
then again my POS car doesn’t get FM.
I do not snort the coke I only smoke...sensimilla.
by HIV 2 Elway on May 12, 2009 8:40 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
jersey
This topic comes up every year,we need to modernize our jersey, just like how we did our stadium.
by Arrowhead816 on May 12, 2009 9:06 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I like Box/Painted turtles
But they always pee on me when I pick them up
you don't have to win and you don't need to fight. Supertramp
by Steve_Chiefs on May 12, 2009 10:29 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Steve, you have been cracking me up all night!
I am just going to follow your comments around. Where are you going next? :)
by TheQ on May 12, 2009 10:57 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Damnit, I was saving that one for a poll
"From Kansas City, I miss home, Cali is business but man its pretty"
by KansasCityShuffle on May 13, 2009 10:32 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I would still use it
Sometimes it is the only option worth selecting. I would choose it 3 out of 4 polls.
by TheQ on May 13, 2009 9:16 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
You know we have some Snapping Turtles around here
I should maybe try picking up one of those and see if Turtles always pee when you pick them up?
Oh Lord I Peed
Let's Kick some ASS in 09 or Die trying
by Steve_Chiefs on May 13, 2009 9:33 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
lol...
I thought that was what he meant to begin with so I did not do the same…
Well played, Prime
by woodman212 on May 14, 2009 2:43 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Well played
That is why they call you Primetime!
by TheQ on May 14, 2009 8:39 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Email from ESPN's Paul Lukas
Hello to everyone in the Arrowhead Pride world. This is my first post since I started checking out this site a couple of weeks ago. I’m excited to be a part of this blog and look forward to contributing in the future.
I wanted to share with you all an email that I sent to Paul Lukas. For those of you that don’t know, Paul runs the uni watch page on ESPN’s Page 2. Here is the link. Anyways, I was curious as to his opinion of our current uniforms and wanted to know if he had heard if we might be making changes in the near future.
SP: what is your opinion of the current Chiefs uniforms
PL: I’ve always liked them.
SP: and do you see/think that Chiefs will be making any future changes?
PL: Nothing on the horizon that i know of.
Nothing groundbreaking here. But it was interesting to find out that he has always liked our classic uniforms.
by Scott Phillips on May 14, 2009 2:05 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
HA...
Dude, I was checkin out that site and I didnt realize that even the officials were going to dress throwback…that is crazy…
by woodman212 on May 14, 2009 2:52 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Uniform Tweaks
Hey guys,
I’m new to Arrowhead Pride. Just wanted to add my two-cents on uniform changes. I was very excited to see some fans share my opinions and ideas on a change…but also appaled at those with other ideas.
I think there should be some modern, but SUBTLE, changes to the uniform…overall, I think they should keep the same look. One thing for sure…NO BLACK on the unis. Also, they need to get rid of the ugly Ronald McDonald clown-striped socks and go with a solid red. Also, tone down the yellow on the stripes of the sleeves and pants. I don’t think they should lose the yellow, just have less of it. The helmets should stay EXACTLY the same…that is the best part of the uniform. MAYBE update the Arrowhead logo, make it a little bigger and stand out more…but other than that, leave that part alone.
Also, if you’re gonna add black anywhere, make the team wear black shoes instead of white. It gives them a more tough, old-shool look (like Chicago, Indy, and Arizona do)…I think that would look great!! I do not like the idea of a black helmet or jersey…Or all gold jersey. Those are atrocious!!
All in all, just a few minor tweaks to give the uniform new life but mantain it’s intregrity would be awesome!! I would be okay if they just had solid red jerseys…and only had gold lilning around the white numbers…that’s it. Get rid of the ugly stripes!!!
I carry a lighter around in my pocket wherever I go...I don't smoke, I just really like certain songs.
by BS_Nerdlaw on May 14, 2009 11:46 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Agree to disagree
While I agree with you that any changes should be very subtle and should not vary too far from our original concept, I tend to disagree with you when it comes to our socks. I for one like the yellow stripe and think that it makes our uniform more unique. I would hate to see us lose our current socks in favor of generic, two color socks that every other team in the NFL wears. Also, I don’t see the Ronald McDonald comparisons.
does not equal…
by Scott Phillips on May 14, 2009 1:08 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
okay, so not in agreement...
That’s fine…I’m completely aware that a lot of fans don’t share my opinion. Lot’s of people like the ketchup and mustard, Oscar Meyer color scheme for some reason. I’ve always loved the red of our uniforms, just never liked the yellow with it. I was hoping for a little compromise, so those of us who don’t like it don’t have to see as much of it and those who like it don’t see it go away completely. I just personally like the solid color socks more than stripes…which is what I was trying to say. Not saying they looked EXAXCTLY like Ronald McDonald…it was just because of the colors. You’re right, most teams have gone to the solid sock look…because it looks better. There is MAYBE one team that I like the striped sock look on…The Bears. Not sure why…I guess Orange and Navy Blue just seem to go a little better together. And again, the black shoes they wear also helps me make that opinion. In case you can’t tell, I’d REALLY like the Chiefs to go black on the shoes. LOL!!
I carry a lighter around in my pocket wherever I go...I don't smoke, I just really like certain songs.
by BS_Nerdlaw on May 14, 2009 2:18 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Texas
Correct me if I am wrong………..
But didn’t our team come from Dallas? and doesn’t our owner live in Dallas? and hasn’t are team always been owned by people who have never lived in Missouri, do not wish to, and love living in Dallas? Let’s face it. We love them, but our team is Dallas junior. The only reason the Hunt’s brought the team to Mo, is because they couldn’t compete in the same market as the Cowboy’s. If they had thier way, it would still be in Dallas. So I think it was mighty white of those Texans to not have these “throwbacks” our permanent attire. Wouldn’t that be fun. It’s bad enough that we all root for a team that is owned by another state, at least we don’t have to be reminded EVERY GAME. Here’s to someone from Mo buying this team at some point. Until then, keep laughing whenever your buddies bitch about the “Legacy” uniforms. Because what they should be called is “reality” uniforms.
I just googled Clarks house in Dallas………..quite a spread.
by siggi1 on May 16, 2009 11:32 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
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