Der KOMMENTOR Manifesto

via farm1.static.flickr.com

A scene not all that dissimilar than the founding of the AP.

Добро пожаловать Kommentors of da Arrowhead Pride, we are informing you very much of our pleasure in accepting most glorious appointment as OFFICIAL Arrowhead Pride Komment Ombudsman, Komment Wrangler, and all around Kommentkutioner.

What this mean for you, das Kommentor Ivan Six Pack?

IT MEAN YOU FOLLOW MANIFESTO RULES OR YOU EXKOMMENTUCATED!

(Or at least severely mocked by the PARADE with absurd pictures)

I. First and Foremost, A Numero Uno:

[in a Jack Bauer whisper yell]

When respect is given it must be returned.

Chris created this site and puts up quality content in the hopes of interesting you a complete stranger, don't waste his or other people's time with crap comments.  While generally the AP is an angry mob Chris and the AP junta reserve the right to have the PARADE axe you comments should they cross this crap threshold.

But, with that in mind...

II. This IS Blogfrica.

If you've seen Lord of War or Blood Diamonds, this concept should be pretty easy.  The internet and the AP is largely an unruly, anonymous den of iniquity, moral atrocities, and obscenity, we'll pretty much let anything go up to a point, after all this is Blogfrica...  If you're offended by this sort of talk you probably shouldn't visit those places.  Furthermore, while Chris tries to keep obscenity to minimum on the front page, the Komments section is like the Liberia of Blogfrica, we can't be responsible for you degenerates too...

III. Man, there are SOME limits.

We know we just said it's Blogfrica and all but there are certain things that cross the human being barrier.  Like we don't really care if you want to use the suffix -kakke or generally push any PC barrier you like, but don't be stupid about it.  Things that typically cross this line: defaming the dead, posting unwanted personal information, virulent racism, mocking the armed forces, and maybe some things that fall in the "too soon" category

IV. Be Funny, Do Not Be Unfunny.

Yeah, it's stolen from Deadspin, but it's true.  This isn't Deadspin, you don't have to be funny or entertaining; well-informed or just enthusiastic are just fine and welcomed by Chris.  But generally, if you're going to push the limits, attempt to be funny, or hurl insults at anyone or anything, don't be unfunny, if you don't know if you're funny you probably not and that's okay, just don't post it on the AP.  WE WILL MOCK YOU.  Don't think it's fair we decide what's funny and what's not?  Well, why don't you go get intoxicated and encourage your good friend to create the most popular Chiefs site in the known universe, then you can call the shots over there.

That said...

V. Credibility trumps damn near everything.

Sure we reserve the right axe at will or even at beckon, but generally these Komments are yours - the reader's - and if a Kommentor builds up a solid rep we're not gonna axe it whether we like the Komment or not (See Rule I).  It's unfortunate that the influx of Kommentors created the need for a Kommentkutioner, but most Kommenters that have been on the AP for a while have a solid rep for self-regulating.

NOW Zee Guidelines for Nu-Kommenters

Generally these all fall under Rule I so we didn't see a need to keep going, and as with any guideline there's certainly exceptions, but generally follow these practices and you won't get axed...or exkommentukated....

• It's just a blog, it's not real, don't get upset
• Don't post simple insults aimed at other Kommenters
• Don't type in all caps
• Don't Komment if you have no point (unless it's supposed to be all existential)
• If possible type like at least a semi-literate chimpanzee
• Don't put giant pictures in your signature line, or generally anything that when repeatedly viewed in a Komment section gets annoying.
• Don't abuse the exclamation mark
• If you type things that make you look stupid accept your mocking like a man (or a woman as the case may be)
• Don't insult Kommentors that may have been there a lot longer than you

Don't Repost Information - (an honest mistake is one thing, but three fanposts about some stupid talk radio rumor does nothing but piss the PARADE off because you're probably knocking some BS joke thread he started into the archives)

Generally, these are pretty good rules too

Alright, everyone pleased?  No?  Kommentkutioned!  Back to the Anti-Government d*ck jokes in the comments...