Dear Tony G

Id'd really like you to win a SB, but I'd also like to win a billion dollars (screw million).   So I decided to do some preliminary homework on how deprived you are.  First, I want to give you Dan Marino's number because when you retire, you will probably join Danny M as being the best statistically ever at your position.  So on to the prelim work. 

in summary for all of the execs out there--only 16 of the 31 NFL teams have won a SB (that's 50% for the cheap seats).  the breakdown of the losers:

Bills (0-4), Bengals (0-2), Titans (0-1), Chargers (0-1), Eagles (0-2), Vikes (0-4) yeah Chiefs here, Panthers (0-1), Falcons (0-1), Seahawks (0-1), Cards (0-1).  The following 5 have never made it to the game, let alone lose it:  Browns, Jags, Texans, Lions, Saints.

Of the NFL hall--83 of those 253 enshrined played for one of these teams in a primary role.  This does not  include the likes of players who were on winning teams at some point, but they were unlucky saps because they werent on the team at the time.  A few of these include in addition:  D.T., Dan Marino (laces out, DAN), and Merlin Olsen.  I got tired and didn't have the energy to go through the other 30% (combined probability of not being on a SB team and making the HOF).  for argument's sake, let's say they all were SB winners at one way or another: waterboy, GM, or the starting QB--it shows that only 65% of folks in the HOF won a SB. 

In summary---spare me the violin Tony G--it's time to continue to do what you do, score TDs. Work your way there---if you have a passion for football--it doesn't matter if you win the big game or not---it's really all commercials anyway--ask Dan Marino.  Hey, I know you would like to win, so do the other 682 starting players in the NFL--you are not entitled to it.   If you get traded--you have a 50/50 chance you will even be on a team that has won one ever. You want the Eagles?  How about the Panthers?  they look good on paper too.  Would you rather lose 2 or never go?  Is there a difference?  You'll still be able to take care of the next 10 generations in your life, if you actually take care of your money.  83 HOF players played for these teams in the past--you're great and a HOF player--best TE ever, but 83 men before you couldn't do it as the best in their position--so stay put and quit bitching.

Edit:  What now Tony G?  You said you were out if Thiggy was not the starter next year?  Waters might be able to drive you to the airport.  He's goin there too.  Hey take Pampers with you so you can carpool.