The Company I work for Even Hates the Raiders

That’s pretty bad if they ask for The Jonas Bros and Taylor Swift CD’s but no Raiders stuff.

but a lot of times when collections agencies have said they will not accept specific teams it is because there is a local gang that sports that team’s gear/colors.

Or maybe they are just a good judge of character and hate the Raiders!

as well as the date/time it is to be held. I suggest editing that out.

on that

My grade school education steered me in the right direction. :]

“In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we’re calling it our ‘Holiday Party.’ The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
 
Happy now?”

“Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, ‘AA Only’, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore.
 
How am I supposed to handle this?
 
Somebody?
 
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
 
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.”

“What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the restaurant can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
 
Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
 
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table.
 
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
 
We will have booster seats for short people.
 
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
 
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
 
There will be fresh ‘low sugar’ fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply ‘no sugar’ desserts. Sorry!
 
Did I miss anything?!?!?”

“I’ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!!
 
We’re going to keep this party at the same place whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the ‘grill of death,’ as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW!
 
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
 
Drive drunk and die!”

I havent laughed that hard since I was a little girl…I was hoping you all would get a kick out of this.