Chief Upgrades; A Scouting Report

  As many of you know I fancy myself something of a football scout. Given the many problems the Chiefs have had on offense and defense this year I have been scouring the country trying to find upgrades at certain positions. It hasn't been easy but I have found a few candidates. Below I will list the players name and some info about him/her and the current Chiefs player they will be replacing. Most of these players should come pretty cheap for Pioli and as the Chiefs have a ton of cap space I see no reason why the team can't at least bring in half of these players.

 These moves should greatly improve next years roster.

 Wide Reciever: Stevie Wonder

Player Replacing: Bobby Wade

Paddy's Scouting Report

Wonder, a former musician would fit right in with the Kansas City Wide Receivers! Many do not know this but Wonder possesses uncanny speed and incredible hands. Corners tend to underestimate his ability leaving him free to get wide open and roam across the middle of the field. Has some trouble with route running. A clear upgrade over Wade.

Wide Receiver: The One Armed Man

Player Replacing: Mark Bradley

Paddy's Scouting Report

This has a chance to be the NFL's heart-warming story in 2010. The One Armed Man played JV football in Beaver High School in PA in 1952. He was all conference 3 years in a row. He then, however, got involved in a life of crime and was once accused of a murder. He has put all that behind him and wants to put all his aggression into sports. While not as fast or as elusive as Mark Bradley, The One Armed Man has shown a better ability to catch the ball.

Quarterback: Jesus Christ Almighty

Player Replacing: Matt Cassel

Paddy's Scouting Report

 Jesus Christ or JC as he prefers to be called on the football field is an incredible field general. He can accurately and effortlessly deliver the ball. He displays better pocket presence than Cassel and is rarely sacked as opposing players are normally blinded permanently by his greatness as they approach him in the backfield. His passes are often seen passing through defensive backs so his career interception numbers stand at 0. Definitely a franchise guy and a probably Hall of Famer. The Chiefs can't really go wrong here.

UPDATE:

I just got off the phone with Jason Whitlock of the Kansas City Star. He was apparently breaking into the concession stand at Arrowhead Stadium to steal their giant tubs of nacho cheese when he noticed the Chiefs working out Christ. Reportedly Christ was having a very difficult time developing chemistry with KC's current crop of receivers. The trouble first started when Mark Bradley failed to get open for Christ. According to Whitlock,, Bradley was not being covered at the time as there was no defense on the field, however, Bradley could not shake a grounds crewman who was painting lines on the field.

Later, according to Whitlock, Bobby Wade was utterly incapable of catching Christ's passes. Wade reportedly dropped several of JC's passes that were right on the money. Whitlock reported that Christ became visibly upset when one of his passes hit Wade in the chest and bounced off through his flailing hands. The ball reportedly floated in place for a time period of about 5 seconds, waiting for Wade to grab it. According to Whitlock, Wade simply stared at the ball for a couple of seconds before falling down. The ball was then picked off by Brandon Flowers who could not believe his own luck. Christ, apparently angry about throwing his first ever interception, stormed from Arrowhead Stadium declaring, "Not even I can help these guys."

Looks as though the Chiefs are stuck with Matt Cassel for another year.