A Fans Letter to Clark Hunt (venting humor)

Dear Mr. Hunt,

I love the Chiefs, I really do.  This is why I continue to pay money to see the Chiefs despite a trend toward offering a sub-par product the last few years.  This most recent year takes the cake.  Ironically, I would have paid ten times what I pay for my tickets at the beginning of the season to help out if I was aware of the entertainment hell I would be subjected to by the franchise this year.

Look at the last few years, Mr. Hunt.  Just look at it.  I am sure the same thoughts of denial are racing through your brilliant mind as are racing through mine.  What is this?  Why have I been presented with this product?  What have I done to deserve this?  And which one is the offense and which on is the defense?  I am not sure.  Can you tell?  The defense the past few years moves down the field faster than Patton Manning in the hurry up and your offense has reminded me in the years past of 'stonewall' Jackson and his uncanny ability to *not move an inch*.  Your offense is the tortes and your defense is the...well...it's the frickin tortes too.  (without the winning at the end).

I  apologize...

I know you have tried to present it like a nicely packaged NFL team, Mr. Hunt...but it's not.  I am trying to explain how this feels.  Imagine being 8 years old and wanting a Wii for Christmas, Mr. Hunt.  You ever wanted a Wii, Mr. Hunt?  Now imagine it is Christmas morning and you race down stairs to open your presents.  You spot the big box in the corner and rip off the paper and it's in a Wii box.  It's a Wii box!!  You think you're getting a fu**%# Wii, Clark.

Only you open the box and it's not a Wii.  It's your hamster, Clark.  Your Fu**#@ hamster from your room upstairs...and it's not breathing.  The damn thing is dead, Clark.  It's dead!  It was your best friend in the world at 8 and it's just a lifeless ball of fu*@# fur.  That's how I feel when I open the 2009 Chiefs box.  It's in a bloody NFL box and it's just a dead hamster.

I  apologize...

I apologize for my fervent depiction of the product I am receiving, it's just incredibly hard to sit and watch the Chiefs when I am so passionate about them.  I even wear a Chiefs jersey of a current player every Friday.  I used to wear a Jared Allen jersey...until you traded him, Mr. Hunt.  My favorite jersey of all time was that of Tony Gonzalez, oh yea, you traded him too.  In fact, all I had left was my frickin #27 jersey...what jersey do I wear now, Mr. Hunt?  Huh, Clark?  You ever go to your closet for an up-to-date pair of pants and all you have is a pair of parachute pants from the 80's?  You ever tried to wear those pants and pass them off as today's fashion, Clark?...with all those fu*#@* zippers everywhere?  Huh?  You ever tried to actually use those damn zippers?

I apologize...

I apologize for my intensity.  I just bleed arrowhead red.

I remember being at football parties and having some zinger for some fan from another team.  I don't have many zingers these days, Mr. Hunt.  All the other fans laugh at me.  Am I exaggerating?  I wish I were.  The fact is that I have had Bronco fans literally laugh at me for even being from Kansas City, Mr. Hunt.  They think it's funny to harass me that I can't even find a jersey that will be around in a year or two.  I don't think that's funny.  Do you think that's funny, Clark?  I don't think it is funny.  Bronco fans aren't funny.  You ever go to a party, Clark?  You ever want to make a good impression at some function and you go and start dancing and you find out you showed up with cat shit in your tie?  How you goin to get cat shit out of your tie, Clark?  It's frickin all over your tie and you're there...the dance started already.  You showed up for the event...started to dance...and you got fu$#* cat shit all over your tie.

I apologize...

I apologize for my expressiveness, Mr. Hunt.  I really am a Chiefs fan.  I think I will always be a Chiefs fan.  I prey that Mr. Pioli will find a way to turn it around in 2010.  I will be there again, like all the other years.  Win or Lose, I am a Chiefs fan.

Sincerely,

Frustrated