By way of introduction, the PARADE and the PARADEBULATIONS have been a pre-game tradition of the AP's for some time bringing insight, nonsense, and absurd pictures of dolphins whether or not we happen to be playing Miami. Self-described as a royal plural presence attempting to write the "Finnegan's Wake" of Chiefs fandom in blog form, the PARADE has been present since the founding of the earliest incarnation of the AP but as of late has been on sabbatical. When envisioning a far less reverent "founder's plaza for the AP" the PARADE expressed their wish to have a "Smithy of the PARADE's Soul" Room which would house a statue with Bruce Smith's head on the body of a Lord of the Rings Orc doing a mocking 'tomahawk chop' at the 1993 AFC Championship while an indistinguishable, but nevertheless vaguely handsome, boy weeps as his lost balloon floats away.
Fact, he never changed his expression when Romo fumbled that snap, fact.
Now we have more than our fair share in the PARADEBULATIONS and behind the scenes of ribbing our dear moderator and biggest "lil bro" of all, Joel, who does such great work here. We like to hassle him about his dedication to silly things like "maintaining the integrity of the AP," and "not taking hateful pot shots at local journalists," and "not gratuitously flooding our posts with obscenities," and "not openly expressing out giggling contempt for Mile High Radio," but seriously this time we have legit beef with our friend, compatriot, editor and artist (as long time readers already know) formerly known as "Primetime07."
Now was this just lapse in creativity, confusion over Jared Allen's underground nickname "partytime," an expression of admiration for Deion's Atlanta and San Francisco (or FSU/Baltimore/DC alternatively) years, or maybe just undue ardor for the year of our Lord, Two Thousand and Seven???
Make no mistake about it dear reader, while Chris, ourselves, Padraig, ChiefsDJ, UC and rest all bleed Chiefs red, pure and undiluted, there's a tinge of Blue to Joel's conflicted soul this weekend. Now, no doubt he'll keep his loyalties in order here, but be wary of a Cowboys rout, Primetime loves a winner! Not us, we're underdog fans, always have been always will be.
This week we'll have a some mildly humorous pictorial jokes, some fantasy football advice, your game time snack of the week, your game time beer of the week, a 'special' commenter award (ombudmanstyle!), and as always, something to blow your ever-loving mother-trucking cookie-munching brain.
Well fuckboogers* ... (*not on the mainpage, sorry kids we're legal).
You let your WHOLE ... TEAM down!
Somehow we doubt Joe Gibbs signed any endorsement deals for this one?
Fact, if he drops that baby he doesn't stop smiling, FACT.
Don't be jealz Primetime... HOLLA
And Week 5's PARADEBULATION returns to the low hanging fruit.
And without further adieu, your unnecessary picture of dolphins...
FANTASY FOOSBALL ADVICE TYPE THING or DEAR PARADEY...
Okay... but why is his girlfriend Cheetara?
This week finds us in a Primetime-like conundrum, we have Marion Barber, but for the Chiefs' sake we'd like to see him go down on play one. Also, we auto-drafted this year so we ended up with Cutler and Cassel as our QB options. We've started Cassel every week. Uh, yeah, we're gonna do it again. Smart? Savvy? Objective? No, but this is what makes a Chiefs fan. Sit down neckbeard, no one cares you don't suck like we hoped you would.
This week's pick? Sammy Morris. No we're not taking our own advice here, we'll sit on Donald Brown thank you very much. But if you're light on RB's and Sammy's out there, hit that shit. Fred Taylor's out and we all know Bellichick doesn't trust Koolaid with a full game. Everyone loves Denver's D but c'mon, the guy wears a fanboy hoodie just to make the comparison. What. A. Tool. If nothing else they crumple under the expectations. Sammy boy gets a TD and at least a hundi game, you heard it here first.
YOUR GAMETIME SNACK OF THE WEEK
Stuffed Portabella caps. Why? Cause they're awesome. We made this for 8+ last night, drank champagne and had a leggy blonde fawning on us. It's called living the dream son.
More importantly, that picture? IT'S BULLSHIT. We wouldn't wipe with that excuse of a mushroom cap. "But PARADE, it looks tasty." They put green onions on it, green onions are code for "this food is bullshit."
Lemmus break it down childs... First, preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Then you want to wash you caps and gently cut out the stem stubs. Then you "score" as in only cut the skin in a criss cross pattern on the back and cut a deep X when the stem was (the middle of the gill side). Then, you brown some pancetta in olive oil, preferably with some tarragon, tyme, or rosemary at least. We use some "herbs de provence" but select some savory spices to mix in is all that's really needed. I also like to crush and chop at least one garlic clove in addition, but add it later, don't want to over power or burn the garlic.
Then you take some of that oil, mix it with more olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and your herbs. Put the caps gill side down on preferably a broiler pan, or anything not flat if possible (flat works but they get soggy if you're not careful). Then if you have a marinade brush use it, otherwise just pour this mixture over the top of the "scored" caps.
Then you bake that for 15 minutes.
Next, take them out, flip them and put on you "stuffing." We would recommend at least using the pancetta, garlic and some mozzerella. Goat cheese got good reviews last night. We also had some olive and artichoke tapinad we tried too. Anyway the key is don't get it too wet, and get some melty cheese on there. Then throw those back in for 15 minutes, gill side and filling side up this time. When in doubt side on leaving them in longer, it dries them more which you want and as long as you don't burn the cheese you're good.
YOUR GAME TIME DRINK OF THE WEEK
The World is just biding its time until it strikes you down PARADE!
Ommegang, it's delicious, it's 8.5 by volume, and well, frankly we're living a little too well right now. Something tells us, per usual, Sunday followed by a Monday double clutch will put us squarely in out place. But in the meantime, treat yourself, get a Ommegang, use the fancy pint glass you stole from the 'falloon. Sit back in you barka lounger and drink a taste of the PARADE life. Maybe you have a wife, kids, job, a yard, general shit you hate, but that's not gonna stop you from kicking back and living life for 5 minutes at a time like a guy who just won at life for the past 24 hours. Make a joke to yourself about Primetime. Pretend you're far funnier than you actually are. Post something that no one else gets on the most popular Chiefs blog on the internet, and get drunk, but drunk with class, Belgian style.
AND SOMETHING(S) TO BLOW YOUR BRAIN CLEAR OUT OF ITS SKULL
That was a rittle bit lacist, so, uhm bonus? Ya, bonus...
Wait, we killed with the OctDORABLEfest lass last week, and only one cheerleader in this post so, uhm, we're officially not using anymore of these girls but hey... well... yeah...