"Whoops!"
~ Safety Officer, Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant, 26 April 1986, 01:24 am local time

To say that I am excited about today's events is to understate my emotion so profoundly as to rival the (admittedly fake) ill-fated declarative above.

Less wordily, Scott "Freakin" Pioli is our General Manager!

Holy...frijoles...

Now, I'm not a total ninny;  I realize that Freakin could very well be a product of Bill Belichick's over-sized football noggin, but there are a couple of very basic facts that give me great hope. Lest you wallow unnecessarily in thick and suffocating anticipation (yuck yuck), I present them to you below:

1. Freakin was the most sought-after GM prospect of the decade. This in and of itself means nothing. But contrasted with Carl Peterson's annoying penchant for over-paying scabs and treating true football players like so much icky, gooey, belly button lint, Clark Hunt's decision to aggressively pursue a candidate with--at the very least--superstar bona fides is refreshing.
   
   The reason? Complacency.
   
   For the past, oh, two decades or so, the Hunt family have watched as Carl Peterson's strategy of drafting poorly and making up for it with used, testosterone-impregnated BAND-AID® Brand Adhesive Bandages--now in Beach Bum Barbie® and Hello Kitty Fun Time!®--has driven our team into perpetual sub-mediocrity.
   
   It seems to me that time is over.
   
   For the first time in my memory, the Chiefs identified the best candidate available for a position and went after him/her/it with unwavering and stolid zeal. It is utterly apparent for whom Clark Hunt had the GM hawts and it's equally clear he was going to have his man/woman/hermaphrodite regardless of the cost.
   
   Now, that doesn't mean I expect the Chiefs to henceforth spend like drunken sailors in free agency; nor do I want them to do so. I think Freakin's history with the Pats shows a conservative ideology with respect to finances and, besides, high-dollar free agents all to often provide little bang for the buck.
   
   What I think it does mean is that when the organization identifies a player/coach/mascot that it wants/needs/can't-live-without, that they'll be much more aggressive in attaining that person.
   
   And with Freakin's much ballyhooed ability to evaluate talent, that gives me the warm and fuzzies and an unfamiliarly strong optimism. And also a bad case of athlete's foot. Don't quite understand that last one though. Hmmmmm.
   
   
2. The longer I watch football, the more convinced I am that offenses and defenses alike depend almost solely on the dudes playing in the trenches.
   
   Kansas City had a top-five offense earlier in the decade. Did they do it with a super-great quarterback and a stable of other-worldly receivers? Or did they do it with two future hall-of-famers and two other Pro-Bowlers on the offensive line?
   
   I'm sure some of you will make the argument that Trent Green was an exceptional quarterback. And given his numbers, you'd be on solid footing to do so. But let's face it: the man was just as injury-prone as Brodie Croyle. If not for those big-uglies on the line he wouldn't have lasted two seasons with the Chiefs. Same goes for Priest Holmes.
   
   And Remember back in the "heyday?" DT and Neil Smith? Saleamua? How 'bout these names: Alt, Grunhard, Szott?
   
   I'm not saying the other positions are unimportant; I'm saying they seem to be less important. I'm saying when the four or five guys up front are doing their jobs, the guys behind them need to worry less about making mistakes and are free to make plays.
   
   And I think this year was a great example of that. Noone's arguing that Herm Edwards doesn't know how to draft and coach corners and safeties. I think three of the four regular starters this year and maybe even the nickleback have the opportunity to play for the Chiefs for a very long time. Hell, even the fourth starter could stick if he'd just learn how to avoid that dumbfounded look as he flies, fully horizontal, past whomever happens to be zinging by him with the football.
   
   But the Chiefs set a record for fewest sacks in a season. And we're 2nd to last in the league, allowing an average of 5 yards per rush. And the offense didn't come along until the eighth week, which was just enough time for the line to jell. And we ended up 2 and 14. And Scott Pioli is an ex-defensive lineman. And the Pats regularly sport top-five offensive and defensive lines. And Carl Peterson can no longer draft your Ryan Simses, your Junior Siaviies, your Trezelle Jenkinses and slash or mistreat your John Taitses.
   
   The King is dead...may he rot in the third circle of hell.
   
   What? The man lived in Kansas City for twenty years! He should be used to a little freezing rain and hail...
   
   
3. The last thing that gives me hope is, I guess, more subject to ridicule because of the reason nay-sayers have already listed regarding Pioli: namely that when other Belichick subordinates have ventured from beneath his broad, leery wings, they've flopped in catastrophic ways.
   
   We're talking The Day the Earth Stood Still kind of flops.
   
   Flops that would embarrass Pluto Nash.
   
   Jimmy-Carter-sized flops.
   
   But, unlike some of you other guys, I believe football games tend to be won by the players. Although schemes are helpful, no scheme can overcome three starting linebackers that wouldn't warm the bench on any other team in the league or a secondary who's most experienced player is a veteran of 8 solid weeks.
   
   Now, I'm not here to debate whether or not Herm should stay or go (like a blister in the sun). I'm resigned to whatever fate befalls the head coach. Don't get me wrong: I like the man and I think, given the appropriate resources, he could succeed. It's just that I don't care any more given we're 25 of our last 27.
   
   Who knew a winning percentage lower than the approval rating of a dude who shot an old man in the face could callous one in such a way? *rolls eyes*
   
   What I'm saying is that, at the very least, Pioli seems to have a knack for acquiring or helping to acquire football players. Your future hall of fame quarterback goes down? Meh. Plug in the seventh round draft choice who backed up one college quarterback and then was passed over and backed up another college quarterback. And, of course, miss the playoffs at am embarrassing 11-5.
   

Anyway, I'm done flapping my lips...er...fingers. Wait, can one flap their fingers?

I'm unsure.

Doesn't matter though. The Chiefs have, for better or worse, turned a page. Here's to the future!

Bare, who thinks it's a good day when he can slip an archaic reference from an archaic book into contemporary-neo-electronic-psuedo-conversation...